02-20-2012, 02:10 AM
(This post was last modified: 02-20-2012, 02:38 AM by RainbowAbyss.)
almost two weeks into stage 4
I am more motivated in other areas of my life
and much more stoic than I have ever been and can no longer get angry lol
I am obsessed with woman or things relating to getting better with woman
and very little else seems to matter to me right now besides spirituality, life philosophy, writing
and making money-all as distance seconds to woman. I am approaching several times a day-either just for fun,to get more comfortable doing it or because I want to meet the girl-
I have been approached at an NYC bar by a girl I went to college with who knew me but I didn't know her-she asked to exchange numbers and meet up-I told her to text me-she has not yet so I might just text her.
except for some exceptions like the girl above I am at a sticking point-where the younger woman I like seem very attracted but the transition to sexual is not organic.
I am still holding myself back at times from a sense of stifled-ness/bs social ethics. The set seems to make things easier on one hand and more difficult in ways that were not there before for me, resistance maybe, maybe a shift in how I relate. Seeing people go home with girls at the end of night for me, especially people I know or girls I like-drive me fxxx crazy-WAY more than on Alpha or really more so than before in my life. I get over it quickly but it starts this negative feedback loop-where I start questioning myself-whats wrong with me-why can't I do this-I see love everywhere but here etc lol.
I don't mind being alone-but I am in a location and situations that some others who have done the set did not have, being in NYC with millions of sexy single woman and going out alot, meaning more opportunity for manifestation to present itself and for me to take action-and still not much...I know I shouldn't sweat results and I REALLY don't for long periods of time but then this negativity comes up-sure I get plenty of attraction but I don't give a xxxx about validation so that really doesn't mean anything-learning how to turn that attraction into a sexual fun relationship does...and I am making progress but nothing spectacular as of late..things just fall through-maybe my whole view on this is messed up ..I am totally open to suggestions-I'm tired of being a try hard but I also want to give this everything I have got.
I don't always feel physically sexually but I am in a perpetual state of wanting to meet woman and interact with woman while at the same time being indifferent to the interaction-its kind of cool and kind of frustration lol.
I want to get to the point where all of this is easy,where more often then not I can go home with the woman I want to and I can have a fun dating life, and I don't have to be drunk lol, which unfortunetly is really when I become unstoppable lol.
I'm going out every night for the last 5 days and intend to do so for another 25-55 days-sober for most of them, except one day a week, and approaching at least 5 girls a night. Porn is gone from my life at this point and has been for a while which is a plus.
This set is really cutting directly to my core and causing me to question my sexual worthiness/desirability which is quite painful-even though I rarely take anything personally anymore-when I do-it gets bad lol. I'm laughing because I find these feelings and thoughts hysterical logically I know none of this matters buts its occurring within me.
That said here are my results for stage 4 so far
1. Willingness to approach up at least 75%.
2. Speak my mind on anything, with anyone, anywhere-
3. Get hovered around by sexy woman alot-and get stared at alot-by everyone
4. Staying in a neutral to good emotional state much more stably
5. Get into 'state' /flow zone fairly easily
6 Older woman want to fxxx me really badly-I do not reciprocate their feelings for the most part
7. I can make people, especially woman, laugh as a natural expression of myself so well its kind of scary
8. I feel like any sense of ego, fixation to identity/I am good/bad, I have is very objectified, at negative times, or subdued (this is kind of strange and perhaps not that healthy with woman)
9. Just smoother in everything I do and body language
10. And the weirdest effect-when I am around certain woman my body literally starts shaking with sexual energy, especially in the legs and groin and often its like I feel my dxxxk being pulled towards them by tension and force-even if my mind is not involved at all haha-this could be just me lol..but it happens at times and kind of freaks me out.
My biggest concern with what is going on right now is that despite my stable mood any sense of real ease and happiness feels intimately connected to success with woman in some sort/getting laid. Going to the gym and meditation helps alot but it something that I am caring about more and more-not in a needy for the most part- in a very proactive way it seems as if my negative emotions about what I want not happening is giving me no choice but to move foward-a kind of leverage-in alpha it was the anger at situations pushing me to move out of them-now its like my choice is to feel negative and inadequate or keeping putting myself out there/moving towards sex with attractive woman. I doubt this is part of the set-I'm hoping its deep issues being resolve via resistance.
I am more motivated in other areas of my life
and much more stoic than I have ever been and can no longer get angry lol
I am obsessed with woman or things relating to getting better with woman
and very little else seems to matter to me right now besides spirituality, life philosophy, writing
and making money-all as distance seconds to woman. I am approaching several times a day-either just for fun,to get more comfortable doing it or because I want to meet the girl-
I have been approached at an NYC bar by a girl I went to college with who knew me but I didn't know her-she asked to exchange numbers and meet up-I told her to text me-she has not yet so I might just text her.
except for some exceptions like the girl above I am at a sticking point-where the younger woman I like seem very attracted but the transition to sexual is not organic.
I am still holding myself back at times from a sense of stifled-ness/bs social ethics. The set seems to make things easier on one hand and more difficult in ways that were not there before for me, resistance maybe, maybe a shift in how I relate. Seeing people go home with girls at the end of night for me, especially people I know or girls I like-drive me fxxx crazy-WAY more than on Alpha or really more so than before in my life. I get over it quickly but it starts this negative feedback loop-where I start questioning myself-whats wrong with me-why can't I do this-I see love everywhere but here etc lol.
I don't mind being alone-but I am in a location and situations that some others who have done the set did not have, being in NYC with millions of sexy single woman and going out alot, meaning more opportunity for manifestation to present itself and for me to take action-and still not much...I know I shouldn't sweat results and I REALLY don't for long periods of time but then this negativity comes up-sure I get plenty of attraction but I don't give a xxxx about validation so that really doesn't mean anything-learning how to turn that attraction into a sexual fun relationship does...and I am making progress but nothing spectacular as of late..things just fall through-maybe my whole view on this is messed up ..I am totally open to suggestions-I'm tired of being a try hard but I also want to give this everything I have got.
I don't always feel physically sexually but I am in a perpetual state of wanting to meet woman and interact with woman while at the same time being indifferent to the interaction-its kind of cool and kind of frustration lol.
I want to get to the point where all of this is easy,where more often then not I can go home with the woman I want to and I can have a fun dating life, and I don't have to be drunk lol, which unfortunetly is really when I become unstoppable lol.
I'm going out every night for the last 5 days and intend to do so for another 25-55 days-sober for most of them, except one day a week, and approaching at least 5 girls a night. Porn is gone from my life at this point and has been for a while which is a plus.
This set is really cutting directly to my core and causing me to question my sexual worthiness/desirability which is quite painful-even though I rarely take anything personally anymore-when I do-it gets bad lol. I'm laughing because I find these feelings and thoughts hysterical logically I know none of this matters buts its occurring within me.
That said here are my results for stage 4 so far
1. Willingness to approach up at least 75%.
2. Speak my mind on anything, with anyone, anywhere-
3. Get hovered around by sexy woman alot-and get stared at alot-by everyone
4. Staying in a neutral to good emotional state much more stably
5. Get into 'state' /flow zone fairly easily
6 Older woman want to fxxx me really badly-I do not reciprocate their feelings for the most part
7. I can make people, especially woman, laugh as a natural expression of myself so well its kind of scary
8. I feel like any sense of ego, fixation to identity/I am good/bad, I have is very objectified, at negative times, or subdued (this is kind of strange and perhaps not that healthy with woman)
9. Just smoother in everything I do and body language
10. And the weirdest effect-when I am around certain woman my body literally starts shaking with sexual energy, especially in the legs and groin and often its like I feel my dxxxk being pulled towards them by tension and force-even if my mind is not involved at all haha-this could be just me lol..but it happens at times and kind of freaks me out.
My biggest concern with what is going on right now is that despite my stable mood any sense of real ease and happiness feels intimately connected to success with woman in some sort/getting laid. Going to the gym and meditation helps alot but it something that I am caring about more and more-not in a needy for the most part- in a very proactive way it seems as if my negative emotions about what I want not happening is giving me no choice but to move foward-a kind of leverage-in alpha it was the anger at situations pushing me to move out of them-now its like my choice is to feel negative and inadequate or keeping putting myself out there/moving towards sex with attractive woman. I doubt this is part of the set-I'm hoping its deep issues being resolve via resistance.
1. There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
