01-24-2018, 05:38 PM
Feels like the closer we get to 3.2, the more I'm noticing stuff.
I've been feeling really good these past few days. Like I don't feel like I'm messing up in life or that I have to prove myself to anyone. It's so painfully obvious but basically I'm not treating myself like crap. Prior to this I knew I should be nicer to myself and stop putting so much pressure on myself to be a worthwhile person, but I could never actually follow through.
With that realization came the realization that reality is highly malleable. But I have to actually believe in the things I want and stop shooting them down. I have to open myself up to possibilities instead of living within this super narrow idea of what my life consists of or what it will consist of. The identity of this emotionally damaged struggling outcast needs to end and be replaced with something I want. I have to stop framing interpersonal relationships with disclaimers as if I give warnings as to why someone shouldn't get to know me. All these ways I push people away and try to preemptively face rejection by automatically presenting myself to people in the worst way possible. My whole life I've just picked every single flaw about myself and magnified it as a way to sort of deal with the potential pain of someone else rejecting me for it. But that's such a terrible way to live. Never embracing the positive, always hanging onto the negative because it's familiar and you can't be let down if you already know what feeling like a worthless person is.
It's a little terrifying to step outside of this. It's all I've really known and I notice my subconscious protests every time I go to change and makes me feel like it's "wrong". But I can feel myself embracing the possibility of a life that's a complete 180 from how I'm living now. That alone is a huge improvement because a few years ago I thought I was doomed to forever be this broken and emotionally volatile individual who struggles through life.
Can't wait to feel the full effects of 3.2. Not sure if this is TID or if this is the bloom from dmsi A. Either way things seem to be turning around for me. And not in a wishful way, but more like I see how much things are improving and the direct control over my own decisions in life.
I've been feeling really good these past few days. Like I don't feel like I'm messing up in life or that I have to prove myself to anyone. It's so painfully obvious but basically I'm not treating myself like crap. Prior to this I knew I should be nicer to myself and stop putting so much pressure on myself to be a worthwhile person, but I could never actually follow through.
With that realization came the realization that reality is highly malleable. But I have to actually believe in the things I want and stop shooting them down. I have to open myself up to possibilities instead of living within this super narrow idea of what my life consists of or what it will consist of. The identity of this emotionally damaged struggling outcast needs to end and be replaced with something I want. I have to stop framing interpersonal relationships with disclaimers as if I give warnings as to why someone shouldn't get to know me. All these ways I push people away and try to preemptively face rejection by automatically presenting myself to people in the worst way possible. My whole life I've just picked every single flaw about myself and magnified it as a way to sort of deal with the potential pain of someone else rejecting me for it. But that's such a terrible way to live. Never embracing the positive, always hanging onto the negative because it's familiar and you can't be let down if you already know what feeling like a worthless person is.
It's a little terrifying to step outside of this. It's all I've really known and I notice my subconscious protests every time I go to change and makes me feel like it's "wrong". But I can feel myself embracing the possibility of a life that's a complete 180 from how I'm living now. That alone is a huge improvement because a few years ago I thought I was doomed to forever be this broken and emotionally volatile individual who struggles through life.
Can't wait to feel the full effects of 3.2. Not sure if this is TID or if this is the bloom from dmsi A. Either way things seem to be turning around for me. And not in a wishful way, but more like I see how much things are improving and the direct control over my own decisions in life.
INFP
