01-16-2018, 05:14 AM
For some reason (I guess it's not about me, but her own issues) my mom blames me for something. It shows, by her trying to make me feel guilty over different things, such as just being at home.
I have hit a burn-out and have not been able to work, been very tired, had low energy and so forth. I have spending some time at home to recover, and have soon hit full recovery.
Yesterday I finally had the guts to go against her, previously I have just folded down when accused or got angry, which resulted in that she "won". She is somewhat a manipulator and tries to make people think in a certain way, even though she is not always successful. With me, when I was emotionally weak, she took advantage of me and carried out her bad behavior because she noticed I couldn't "fight back" or it made me angry which make her feel in control, which in her victim mentality make her feel better.
Anyway, we were sitting at the dinner table, I'm doing something at my computer and she on her iPhone. She laughed at something and I saw it as an opportunity to open up some conversation and asked what it was, and she get's defensive as usual, but told me what it was (instead of opening up and having a laugh together). She then, as always, start asking something that is hard to me to talk about - when are you going to start to work? Not in a friendly way, but in a way like "you lazy fuck you don't do anything". And i tell her my honest answer that "I don't know yet" and she gets traction and starts with her whole "you should get help" which usually make me really upset as it's more like an order rather than an sincere intention that she want me to feel better. Like she is disappointed in some way. And she goes on with something like "you are a burden here at home" and then I did what I haven't in a long while I stood up for myself and asked "how? I am not throwing stuff around me here at home, I am not being an asshole, I am an easy person to have around" and I didn't say it just to prove my point, it was an honest reply. She goes silent, and the tension was high, she got angry and after a while she calmed down in a sort of accepting way. Don't really know what happened here on a deeper level, but I just was tired of always taking her bullshit that she throws around and expect people to buy into. She is so damn used to people not taking their stand because she is a pain in the ass that she just goes on and on sometimes.
Damn, can't people just sort out their own f*cking problems so they aren't a pain in the ass for the world around them? Where is the f*cking sense of responsibility?
I have hit a burn-out and have not been able to work, been very tired, had low energy and so forth. I have spending some time at home to recover, and have soon hit full recovery.
Yesterday I finally had the guts to go against her, previously I have just folded down when accused or got angry, which resulted in that she "won". She is somewhat a manipulator and tries to make people think in a certain way, even though she is not always successful. With me, when I was emotionally weak, she took advantage of me and carried out her bad behavior because she noticed I couldn't "fight back" or it made me angry which make her feel in control, which in her victim mentality make her feel better.
Anyway, we were sitting at the dinner table, I'm doing something at my computer and she on her iPhone. She laughed at something and I saw it as an opportunity to open up some conversation and asked what it was, and she get's defensive as usual, but told me what it was (instead of opening up and having a laugh together). She then, as always, start asking something that is hard to me to talk about - when are you going to start to work? Not in a friendly way, but in a way like "you lazy fuck you don't do anything". And i tell her my honest answer that "I don't know yet" and she gets traction and starts with her whole "you should get help" which usually make me really upset as it's more like an order rather than an sincere intention that she want me to feel better. Like she is disappointed in some way. And she goes on with something like "you are a burden here at home" and then I did what I haven't in a long while I stood up for myself and asked "how? I am not throwing stuff around me here at home, I am not being an asshole, I am an easy person to have around" and I didn't say it just to prove my point, it was an honest reply. She goes silent, and the tension was high, she got angry and after a while she calmed down in a sort of accepting way. Don't really know what happened here on a deeper level, but I just was tired of always taking her bullshit that she throws around and expect people to buy into. She is so damn used to people not taking their stand because she is a pain in the ass that she just goes on and on sometimes.
Damn, can't people just sort out their own f*cking problems so they aren't a pain in the ass for the world around them? Where is the f*cking sense of responsibility?
