12-20-2017, 07:05 AM
(12-20-2017, 06:11 AM)Greenduck Wrote:(12-20-2017, 05:21 AM)Determined Wrote: I've been there too being the "bad guy". We rationalise within ourselves that "ok they're angry/pissed off/annoyed [insert emotion] there must be a reason why and we probably are part of that reason".
The problem with that train of thought is that we end up enabling them which only perpetuates the cycle.
Relationships are two way streets, if she isn't willing to work on it then you have to be willing to walk away. .
On point again. I recognize myself in this and have worked on breaking that habit with some internal peace as a result. Peoples emotional states are most often their own problems and own responsibilities. Often, if not always.
Peoples own emotional states are largely dependent on their "locus of control". The more internal a personal holds their locus of control, the more influence they exert on their own emotional states.
Conversely if they have an "external locus of control" they're more likely to attribute their state as a consequence of what's happening around them.
Personally, I think having an external locus of control is the worst thing a person can subject themself too. It's like holding yourself hostage to whomever's in the environment. Statements like "you made me feel this" or "that put me in a really bad mood" underlie this well.
Internal locus of control is one necessary ingredient to breaking away from other peoples crap.
