12-06-2017, 03:08 PM
Letting go. I thought I knew what letting go was, but apparently my primary defense mechanism is to "let go" in the sense that I let go from influence from the sub. Currently going through a phase where I'm dissociating and not catching myself. I think DMSI does trigger a lot of anxiety for me and when it does old coping mechanism kick in that feel right to me. It's like when things get overwhelming my response is to shut it out. Confronted with fear or uncertainty I have a tendency to run. The biggest issue is that I don't run in the sense of outwardly stuff. It's more internal. So I pull back more and more until I'm on autopilot and life happens but I'm not really in it.
I noticed my resistance manifests a lot as "you're trying too hard or you're doing it wrong or you need to relax more". And when those thoughts run through my head the "relaxing" or "easing up" is really just the resistance winning out and pulling me back into my comfort zone. The hardest part is that when this happens it seems legit. It seems like it will help me or move me along faster with the sub.
It feels like an internal tugging almost. Like when I'm caught off guard it can't wait to pull me back in. There's always this internal feeling of things being "wrong" when I'm executing. It seems like maybe a part of me was spooked by the powerful experience I had a few days ago and now it's wary to give up control. Still I'm making some progress. I notice I'm less influenced by these distracting tactics and able to right myself when I sort of drift off the path of success.
I noticed my resistance manifests a lot as "you're trying too hard or you're doing it wrong or you need to relax more". And when those thoughts run through my head the "relaxing" or "easing up" is really just the resistance winning out and pulling me back into my comfort zone. The hardest part is that when this happens it seems legit. It seems like it will help me or move me along faster with the sub.
It feels like an internal tugging almost. Like when I'm caught off guard it can't wait to pull me back in. There's always this internal feeling of things being "wrong" when I'm executing. It seems like maybe a part of me was spooked by the powerful experience I had a few days ago and now it's wary to give up control. Still I'm making some progress. I notice I'm less influenced by these distracting tactics and able to right myself when I sort of drift off the path of success.
INFP
