JAKE'S MLS 5.5G - MENTAL GROWTH BEGINS NOW!!!!

[Jake2015]

Day 27 Update - 27th November 2017

So as you read from yesterdays update, I got started with the essays I had to do.

Like always and as usually is the case BEFORE I started MLS, the starting was the issue. Once I got down to it I then flowed, got it done and wanted to do more.

I felt that I could do anything.

I was feeling very pleased with myself at uni today because I did all these essays whereas others in my group had yet to do 1 more or a few more.

I felt at ease.

I got home early today (only 1 lesson) and since then did anything but study.

I tidied my apartment which HAD to be done, as a female friend may have come over. I doubted she would and she hasnt but oh well kudos to me for trying haha

Anyway I also had the building manager come on behalf of my landlord to check my broken shower.

I also ate, and tidied up which I had to do.

I then got down to finding everything I could on my external portable hard drive on a topic im covering at uni. I found them and copied to my desktop in a folder to study from.

I am ready to study and instead feel as if I still have something else to do, rather than study. This could be the perfectionism side of me wanting to make sure I have everything rather than just start.

I just realised by typing the above that I have always been this way as a kid with instruction manuals for anything bought or given to me. Whereas my bro would just get into the gadget/gift and start using it, I would read the instructions first and he would then try fail and wait for me to tell him what ive read and found out.

anyway ill try and get started on some work now. I dont feel any fear or anxiety that I can sense but im sure the fact im not jumping and racing to do the work, the fear must be there somewhere. I must be so used to it that ive become insensitive to the feeling.

I also feel as I type the above that my subconscious is indicating to me that I fear what i cant control, what I cant figure out, basically in summary I fear and dislike the initial confusion and hard work associated with working new things out, figuring them out, trying to understand and organise the information and thus learn.

Funny because im not like this with anything pleasurable such as playing games or trying the latest phone app.

anyway ill stop here and get on with things, thanks.