After some meditation on the matter some thoughts/insights came to me:
My mom
The girl I am seeing
My Ex
Overall
My mom
- My mom is hoping that when I get well, I will be able to support her emotionally and then everything will be OK
- This scenario is never going to happen. She will need to face her own inner problems just as I have, and a lot of other people to. But I suspect she will never do it.
- That is not my repsonsibility to see after
The girl I am seeing
- A girl I have been meeting for a while, which I like (because I like people) but have had a hard time to "bond" with, may show some tendencies of "only thinking about your own needs"-symptome.
- I have thought that we haven't bonded more deeply even though we have been hanging out for a while now, was my fault, due to low self-esteem casued by my depression
- I however now start to understand that I am a pretty likeable guy and have been so until shit hit the fan and I started to get my thinking off track. I know from past experience that I have an easy time to bond with different type of people
- When I have hanged out with this girl, I become someone else, more self-centered, caring for my onw needs, irrtable - I don't like this perosn
- She has shown some big problems when I have tried to talk about our relationship and need constant confirmation about my dedication towards it, which I however have told not to speak until I feel it
- I understand that she is not the right girl for me now that I am writing this
My Ex
- I also realize my ex was a self-centered girl caring for her own needs, being needy and needing constant confirmation
Overall
- I am glad that I have come to this realizations as I now finally can be able to change the circumstances
- I start to remember that I am a great guy but have just forgotten it and I have no reasons for having low self-esteem
