10-28-2017, 01:23 PM
(10-26-2017, 03:22 PM)Superman Wrote: Im pretty much the same way.
I feel like I do that a lot myself, hold people at arms length and fear that if they get too close or know too much ill be embarrassed or worse.
It's definitely something that is very isolating at times. I do wonder how common it is among people though.
I'm in a bit of a low mood right now. This post might get long because I have something to get off my mind. I've mentioned it before, but a while back I was diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder. Now before anyone says "you're not the disorder, don't believe in it" hear me out. I've been at this for a while now. I've read so many damn books on how to improve myself and I've been running these subs and I have seen growth. But it's not easy, it's never been easy. Part of the reason I've never seen a therapist for any of this lately is because the very nature of the disorder makes it hard for me to trust people. And therapy is only as good as your ability to trust the person and disclose your most intimate thoughts and feelings. Something I suck at, a lot.
So for now I've stopped putting so much pressure on myself to do a complete 180 and all the idealized notions I have in my head. I've accepted that this struggle I face is very real and it's not a matter of thinking more positive or to stop being so negative. It is what it is. For the longest time I'd be in denial about it all because I felt like if I gave it my attention it somehow held more power over me. But that's stupid. Our issues effect us whether we want to acknowledge them or not. One thing I've come to realize, people give the worst advice if they've never dealt with a particular problem. Not only is it useless, but it's harmful when it implies the individual who has been struggling hasn't been trying hard enough.
I deleted all my dating apps off my phone, wasn't getting matches anyway and the whole thing was bumming me out. Don't even want attention from women right now, I just don't give a fuck. I've got such bigger issues to deal with than being sexy to women.
I know this sounds depressing and like I'm spiraling out. But in all honesty it's liberating for me. To own up to my dysfunctional behavior and realize that maybe I've been being too hard on myself. Maybe all my issues are a lot more complex than I've been assuming. Maybe I just have the overly shallow useless advice from the books I've read echoing in my head making me feel like I'm doing something wrong when it doesn't work.
Needless to say I'm staying on DMSI because obviously something is being tugged at here.
INFP
