I'm starting to get more centered for every day and with it comes a new more sound perspective, and I am more at ease carrying myself through the day.
- My mother have a serious case of victim mentality which characterize most of the things she do and how she act. She can be manipulative, discouraging and overall unpleasant, and she somehow manage to make you feel like it's your fault, which I sometimes have believed, which only further make other peoples behavior encourage her state of being a victim and at the same time make myself feel really shitty. But I am starting to stop following those cues, and being more centered in myself. This morning when I was reading the morning paper and having my breakfast, not wanting to be disturbed but sitting there reading in my own peace, she started asking me some question, and as I was consumed by reading an article and eating my breakfast, and struggling to stay centered around other people (which is a problem especially around my mom, I have a hard time just focusing on eating and reading the paper). Whatever, I don't make a big deal of it, but anyway she tries to put me off balance, clearly, and as I continue to stay reading my paper, she continues until I can't take it anymore. It's hard to describe to anyone not have experienced it, but it's like you get "sucked away" from yourself all the time, and some people enjoy doing this. They just want to get your attention, that is all they care about. When they can't get it as they want, they continue until you loose it or they finally understand they can't access it, until it's done on your terms. It reminds me the way that an author describe how dogs act when not raised properly. Anyway, I lost it this time and had to go away from my meal and head outside to put of some steam. My dad saw what happened and corrected her for her behavior.
- I have been contributing to this behavior by previously taken a role of being a care-taker of her and in term adapter my behavior to hers in this case, which have done nothing but keeping up the behavior and indirectly encouraging it.
