02-05-2012, 10:47 PM
(This post was last modified: 02-05-2012, 10:48 PM by RainbowAbyss.)
I took Friday night off from subs and did 9 hours of stage 3
Saturday and start stage 4 after this post.
Things have coalesced very nicely. Except for ridiculous sudden sexual tension which can also bring some anxiety I am feeling, and interacting, extremely smoothly and powerfully with woman and my life. I saw a girl, I slept with before, today while riding the train, we had kind of just drifted our own ways but I texted her since I never actually got to say hi again
me: Hey I think I saw u on the L a little bit ago, we got of on the same stop
her: haha oh really? why didn't you say hi?
me: I tried to but u were far ahead and I lost u in the crowd...I tried stalking u further
but to no avail lol. I really wanted to say hi though
her: what r u up to tonight?
I wonder if running into all the woman I have slept with in a city of 8 million people is part of the SM manifestation
Anyway here is my summation of stage 3 divided into, pros, cons, and resistance
resistance:
1.Hopelessness relating to woman
2.lack of motivation
3. depression
4. intense anxiety
5. wanting to run away from woman and being extremely needy for them, at times emotionally, at times sexually, at the same time.
6. Self doubt, questioning the set etc.
7. Struggling with very subtle shame over my own sexuality and inentions
Pros
1. Living life much more for my own self and caring less and less about anything else and what others think
2. More and more in the moment, letting go of thinking and just living in flow
3. Feel much sexier and chill Alpha
4. I seem to have a huge presence, everyone is always checking me out or blatantly staring
5. Eye seduction is becoming very seamless and enjoyable, I am having these amazing moments of sexual, and almost spiritual connection with sexy woman all the time. This caused alot of resistance initially
6. Woman seem to fill up with their own feminine juju around me and very obviously becoming extremely turned on. (I was discussing business with a female friend, whose mostly lesbian but experimentally sexual, she starts doing this really weird and overt sexual way of taking to me. And I just asked her if she was trying to seduce me and she said: "I know you said you don't want to be physical with me but I am just so turned on talking to you, I want to grab you or grind on you can I give you a lap dance?")
7. Woman hover around me
8. When I see a woman I am very drawn to I find myself moving towards them and getting in her proximity. I am also approaching, like direct cold approach, more but I am consciously focusing on that so I don't know how much of that is the set.
9. I feel way less needy and emotional in general
10. My body language at times becomes amazing, fluid, animal-istic, some swag. But it comes and go naturally so IDK.
11. Playful flirting is getting stronger-
12. I get extremely turned on very easily by woman and feel a lot more sexual confidence and control. Not as much sexual confidence as I would like but definitely an improvement. I am also more shameless but not as shameless as I would like. I sometimes get self conscious about who is watching, even strangers, as well or slip into more of a persona at times.
Cons
1. The only con I can think of is that I am not naturally staying around when woman I want clearly want me/I am not following through
Saturday and start stage 4 after this post.
Things have coalesced very nicely. Except for ridiculous sudden sexual tension which can also bring some anxiety I am feeling, and interacting, extremely smoothly and powerfully with woman and my life. I saw a girl, I slept with before, today while riding the train, we had kind of just drifted our own ways but I texted her since I never actually got to say hi again
me: Hey I think I saw u on the L a little bit ago, we got of on the same stop
her: haha oh really? why didn't you say hi?
me: I tried to but u were far ahead and I lost u in the crowd...I tried stalking u further
but to no avail lol. I really wanted to say hi though
her: what r u up to tonight
?I wonder if running into all the woman I have slept with in a city of 8 million people is part of the SM manifestation
Anyway here is my summation of stage 3 divided into, pros, cons, and resistance
resistance:
1.Hopelessness relating to woman
2.lack of motivation
3. depression
4. intense anxiety
5. wanting to run away from woman and being extremely needy for them, at times emotionally, at times sexually, at the same time.
6. Self doubt, questioning the set etc.
7. Struggling with very subtle shame over my own sexuality and inentions
Pros
1. Living life much more for my own self and caring less and less about anything else and what others think
2. More and more in the moment, letting go of thinking and just living in flow
3. Feel much sexier and chill Alpha
4. I seem to have a huge presence, everyone is always checking me out or blatantly staring
5. Eye seduction is becoming very seamless and enjoyable, I am having these amazing moments of sexual, and almost spiritual connection with sexy woman all the time. This caused alot of resistance initially
6. Woman seem to fill up with their own feminine juju around me and very obviously becoming extremely turned on. (I was discussing business with a female friend, whose mostly lesbian but experimentally sexual, she starts doing this really weird and overt sexual way of taking to me. And I just asked her if she was trying to seduce me and she said: "I know you said you don't want to be physical with me but I am just so turned on talking to you, I want to grab you or grind on you can I give you a lap dance?")
7. Woman hover around me
8. When I see a woman I am very drawn to I find myself moving towards them and getting in her proximity. I am also approaching, like direct cold approach, more but I am consciously focusing on that so I don't know how much of that is the set.
9. I feel way less needy and emotional in general
10. My body language at times becomes amazing, fluid, animal-istic, some swag. But it comes and go naturally so IDK.
11. Playful flirting is getting stronger-
12. I get extremely turned on very easily by woman and feel a lot more sexual confidence and control. Not as much sexual confidence as I would like but definitely an improvement. I am also more shameless but not as shameless as I would like. I sometimes get self conscious about who is watching, even strangers, as well or slip into more of a persona at times.
Cons
1. The only con I can think of is that I am not naturally staying around when woman I want clearly want me/I am not following through
1. There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
