01-30-2012, 08:24 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-30-2012, 08:31 PM by RainbowAbyss.)
Well, I am trying to stay positive
but I am in a terrible phase right now
In general I have noticed down cycles with my life
but since Alpha and SM they have diminished greatly.
In addition subs seem to have up and down cycles but what I am experiencing now is fairly horrifying-at least in my head-objectively its probably not so bad.
Stage 3 started out amazing-I felt great, badass, new girls came into my life, more sex than in one month than in my entire last year..stage 3 turned kind of neutral, some cool effects nothing to special, a lot of impatience on my part that lead to disappointment and negativity, doubting the set etc. Since deciding to stay on sex magnet version 1 two great things happened. But first let me say how I have felt since last Saturday. Self-concious, self doubting, deeply negative, creepy, no physical sex drive but a strong mental desire to pursue and have sex, exhausted, weak, like a rapist, hopeless, depressed, like nothings working and in general off. Wow..lol and above it all massive indifference..either from apathy or perhaps something more sublime. I feel right now that I am literally repelling woman...while guys are drawn to me..WTF is going on..heavy resistance lol. Anything to do with sexuality around me or near me turns me on and pisses me off at the same time. I am no longer seeing any of the woman I was seeing because I no longer have the energy to push for things through text and the responses are no longer flowing, again WTF, although I actually bumbed into the hot half asian girl I have been sleeping with while I was out with friends and we hugged and she said she was in a huge rush and we talked for a sec and then she gave me a peck and ran off, again WTF! lol
The two cool things that happened to me are
1. I went to a friends birthday and re-met a girl, pure coincidence, I met 4 years ago while visiting yale who I have wanted to be with since the moment I met her 4 years ago. We had amazing chemistry and I just said I wanted to kiss her went for it and she said she couldn't she had a boyfriend but started kissing me all over and body raping me with her hands
2. I was eye fxxxing with this really sexy red head, large breasts
, on the train and then basically followed her out of the station, see what I mean by creepy rapist lol, and asked her how to get to 2nd ave. She was said she was just going to ask me that and she could GPS it, we walked there to together and turns out she is a semi-famous stand up comedian in NYC. She was super funny and I loved the whole thing..she said she wished she had a card to give me and I told her to just take my number since my phone is dead. She gave a super sexual amazing hug at the end. She texted me the next day with her name and her phone number so I texted back, I made some funny comments and asked her for the details about the show. She texted bak pure details and thats it. I said some more funny stuff bak and said I'd catch her around..no response..IDK..Ill just go to her show and see what happens.
Another strange effect of the set is that if I girl seems to reject me in ANY way I want nothing to do with her and the sexual energy between myself and whomever else feels weird like its choppy, weird, and anxiety provoking as much as it turns any one on, including myself.
All this said-when I am in my mental clearest I notice that the set has changed the way I relate to woman who I am engaged with-unless its professional and even then-there is ALWAYS a sexual dynamic and she usually wants in-its just very hard because of my mental/emotional state to even be willing to engage/approach/open. God I feel better for writing all this down.
but I am in a terrible phase right now
In general I have noticed down cycles with my life
but since Alpha and SM they have diminished greatly.
In addition subs seem to have up and down cycles but what I am experiencing now is fairly horrifying-at least in my head-objectively its probably not so bad.
Stage 3 started out amazing-I felt great, badass, new girls came into my life, more sex than in one month than in my entire last year..stage 3 turned kind of neutral, some cool effects nothing to special, a lot of impatience on my part that lead to disappointment and negativity, doubting the set etc. Since deciding to stay on sex magnet version 1 two great things happened. But first let me say how I have felt since last Saturday. Self-concious, self doubting, deeply negative, creepy, no physical sex drive but a strong mental desire to pursue and have sex, exhausted, weak, like a rapist, hopeless, depressed, like nothings working and in general off. Wow..lol and above it all massive indifference..either from apathy or perhaps something more sublime. I feel right now that I am literally repelling woman...while guys are drawn to me..WTF is going on..heavy resistance lol. Anything to do with sexuality around me or near me turns me on and pisses me off at the same time. I am no longer seeing any of the woman I was seeing because I no longer have the energy to push for things through text and the responses are no longer flowing, again WTF, although I actually bumbed into the hot half asian girl I have been sleeping with while I was out with friends and we hugged and she said she was in a huge rush and we talked for a sec and then she gave me a peck and ran off, again WTF! lol
The two cool things that happened to me are
1. I went to a friends birthday and re-met a girl, pure coincidence, I met 4 years ago while visiting yale who I have wanted to be with since the moment I met her 4 years ago. We had amazing chemistry and I just said I wanted to kiss her went for it and she said she couldn't she had a boyfriend but started kissing me all over and body raping me with her hands
2. I was eye fxxxing with this really sexy red head, large breasts
, on the train and then basically followed her out of the station, see what I mean by creepy rapist lol, and asked her how to get to 2nd ave. She was said she was just going to ask me that and she could GPS it, we walked there to together and turns out she is a semi-famous stand up comedian in NYC. She was super funny and I loved the whole thing..she said she wished she had a card to give me and I told her to just take my number since my phone is dead. She gave a super sexual amazing hug at the end. She texted me the next day with her name and her phone number so I texted back, I made some funny comments and asked her for the details about the show. She texted bak pure details and thats it. I said some more funny stuff bak and said I'd catch her around..no response..IDK..Ill just go to her show and see what happens.Another strange effect of the set is that if I girl seems to reject me in ANY way I want nothing to do with her and the sexual energy between myself and whomever else feels weird like its choppy, weird, and anxiety provoking as much as it turns any one on, including myself.
All this said-when I am in my mental clearest I notice that the set has changed the way I relate to woman who I am engaged with-unless its professional and even then-there is ALWAYS a sexual dynamic and she usually wants in-its just very hard because of my mental/emotional state to even be willing to engage/approach/open. God I feel better for writing all this down.
1. There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
