08-23-2017, 02:04 AM
(08-22-2017, 02:01 PM)Arsenic Wrote: @RTBoss, my post is coming from the standpoint that someone listening to a sub about saving their relationship is...spoiler alert... probably not in a great relationship.
#isItReallyThatSimple
For example, couple meets and they get along great. They move in etc and now there's a level of dependency on schedules, work, and such. Now, say one is easily triggered to being overwhelmed and getting that at work, so becomes stressed and thus more tense and distant at home. Maybe doesn't take the other into consideration regarding something specific and then the other has a sensitivity around feeling unworthy or unlovable and thus gets offended or resentful. Now let's say that neither want to complain and they don't talk it out. Now add time and normal life stress and it could be that both will mostly start looking at things from a "I have to protect myself or my rights" standpoint, which makes the other into a competitor or an enemy in some cases. So what's the result: the pairing might still be good as it was initially, but it "doesn't work". So if one sees that, they might want to run a sub or something to help let go that personal garbage and need for protection in both that makes the symptoms that created the mess. And... if this happened, then its likely that both have some issues, and then just trying again with someone new seems essentially the same as "let's roll the dice again and hope I got someone who's blocks are more compatible with my blocks".
I'm writing because personally I've now thought in my head many times that this really is not going to work because it gets dark which feels really uncomfortable, but.. well its like that because you're faced with something one or both don't want to face, or just want to deny. So the difference between being single, casually dating and relationship hopping and staying in one seems to be that you're forced to deal with these if you want to maintain intimacy. Which kinda makes every argument a choice and a (forced) challenge to either go up or down. What does a sub do: it forces one to face the issues and grow. So going for a new relationship is like switching to another sub when there's resistance. So what is or could be a "great relationship" is, imo, not obvious from the desire to use e.g. subs to improve it.
Anyway, probably a good idea to just get them on E2 or UD instead of waiting for some personalized custom build.
