2 months since I was here last time, but it feels much longer, much much much longer. I have gone through so many things, hard nights but constantly have been in a positive direction. I feel much more like myself, even though it's still some road left before I will have come out on "the other side" from what I have experienced. I just wanted people to know that I'm here, even though I haven't written on the forum, and maybe shed some light to those that are battling.
What I have experienced was some kind of fragmentation of everything, where I couldn't find any center in anything. I just couldn't keep it together. Putting it that way you can figure it's hard to express oneself and don't talk about connecting with other people. Connecting would engage emotions and that just stirred up things and made it worse. BUT. Things have changed. I feel more centered in myself, in my emotions, in "me" not drifting away, but having some kind of red thread in my thoughts that wasn't there before. Past memories are coming back and things start to make more sense to me, just general things like reading an article, a book, making sense of it, being able to just peel some potatoes and just do that, and not be worried and drift away every third second. Hope you get the picture.
So what have helped me? Well it have been a combination of things, done consequently on a daily basis, with patience, self-compassion and trying to instill trust over time. But foremost to listen to what I need and just follow that inner guidance, even though that it at first appeared to be very silent and hard to reach. But some of the things:
That was my cents. And I haven't been able to listen to subliminals, as when I do I become really uncomfortable and it just don't feel "right", somehow they make me feel ungrounded. Maybe it's because I need to come to terms with my emotions before doing the intense healing work that subliminals here are. However, I think that my past listening to E2 have helped guide me to listen more to myself.
Good luck everyone out there!
EDIT:
Lol I came here to write one thing and wrote a whole post, posted it and almost forgot about it. I feel that I'm better inside, like I start to "exist" again and being able to "do" stuff again (sounds weird for some, but I didn't experienced myself existing at times). But I still can't really reach out to people like i did before. I guess it's just a matter of time, but I feel the longing for intimacy and connection, but just can't really get myself to reach out for it. It will probably get solved over time by doing small increments of action towards this goal when I see them, but right now it's I don't know how to put it, but frustrating is the closest word to describe it.
What I have experienced was some kind of fragmentation of everything, where I couldn't find any center in anything. I just couldn't keep it together. Putting it that way you can figure it's hard to express oneself and don't talk about connecting with other people. Connecting would engage emotions and that just stirred up things and made it worse. BUT. Things have changed. I feel more centered in myself, in my emotions, in "me" not drifting away, but having some kind of red thread in my thoughts that wasn't there before. Past memories are coming back and things start to make more sense to me, just general things like reading an article, a book, making sense of it, being able to just peel some potatoes and just do that, and not be worried and drift away every third second. Hope you get the picture.
So what have helped me? Well it have been a combination of things, done consequently on a daily basis, with patience, self-compassion and trying to instill trust over time. But foremost to listen to what I need and just follow that inner guidance, even though that it at first appeared to be very silent and hard to reach. But some of the things:
- Meditation - Very hard at time and putting up some serious confusion and stirred up emotions, but just to learn to let it pass, be inside it and trust that it will be better have been necessary to learn. And I believe this is one of the few ways to dissapate the emotions that have been haunting me. My breathing have become much freer thanks to focusing on tense areas in my chest and breathing "through" them even though it have been really uncomfortable at times
- Tai Chi - Learn to build up my strenght in my body again and also practise breathing and loosening up my body
- Trauma releasing exercises - I think that those in combination with meditation have helped me become more grounded and help my body relax again
- Wim-Hof breathing - I discontinued this practise as it didn't felt "right" at the time i started it, but have slowly started to do it again ,and can feel how i have tensions in my abdomen that I slowly work through
- Reading books - Read books about trauma, the one I enjoyed most was "the body keeps the score"
- Therapy - Going to someone experienced in mental health to get some perspectives on things from time to time, or just have someone to talk to.
That was my cents. And I haven't been able to listen to subliminals, as when I do I become really uncomfortable and it just don't feel "right", somehow they make me feel ungrounded. Maybe it's because I need to come to terms with my emotions before doing the intense healing work that subliminals here are. However, I think that my past listening to E2 have helped guide me to listen more to myself.
Good luck everyone out there!
EDIT:
Lol I came here to write one thing and wrote a whole post, posted it and almost forgot about it. I feel that I'm better inside, like I start to "exist" again and being able to "do" stuff again (sounds weird for some, but I didn't experienced myself existing at times). But I still can't really reach out to people like i did before. I guess it's just a matter of time, but I feel the longing for intimacy and connection, but just can't really get myself to reach out for it. It will probably get solved over time by doing small increments of action towards this goal when I see them, but right now it's I don't know how to put it, but frustrating is the closest word to describe it.
