08-01-2017, 05:25 AM
Update. Job interview went well. Not as confident as I'd like, but you know I've reached a point in my life where I just want to be confident from this internal place. Not that bullshit surface level chest up, look people in the eyes, talk loud, etc. confidence that's just a mask. I guess a lot of this comes from the shadow work I've been doing. Fighting the anxiety, trying to hide it only made it stronger. When I owned it and told myself it's alright it got better. I wish everyone would stop hiding, I wish we as a society were more accepting of the negative aspects of ourselves instead of demonizing them and sticking them in a closet. We'll see what happens with the job. It felt like I was going to get it no matter what, as weird as that sounds. Like I could completely mess up the interview but I was destined to get it because it's on my life path.
Really weird thing happened last night though. I fell asleep listening to DMSI, but then woke up in this sort of daze or half asleep state. My body was buzzing, vibrating, whatever you want to call it. I noticed I was really afraid, wasn't sleep paralysis because I could still move. Felt like something was trying to pull me "out". I can't really describe it that well, but lets say it felt like leaving behind a crappy reality and getting pulled into a new one. No idea what the hell it was or how it's going to manifest as progress, but I'm not getting too ahead of myself here.
Also after I fell asleep had a really weird dream. If you could call it a dream, usually dreams tend to have some kind of theme for me or characters. But this one just felt like I left my physical body and was floating through different places. Going through walls and stuff, not really consciously choosing a direction just sort of floating and getting taken by some invisible current. Went to an abandon school building there was a number etched into the metal, 457. Just remember trying to write it down in my dream because I felt it had significance. After I left the school building I arrived at this house situated on a piece of land with an overview of a small body of water. Weird feeling of it being mine or that it was "home", made me feel peaceful.
Really weird thing happened last night though. I fell asleep listening to DMSI, but then woke up in this sort of daze or half asleep state. My body was buzzing, vibrating, whatever you want to call it. I noticed I was really afraid, wasn't sleep paralysis because I could still move. Felt like something was trying to pull me "out". I can't really describe it that well, but lets say it felt like leaving behind a crappy reality and getting pulled into a new one. No idea what the hell it was or how it's going to manifest as progress, but I'm not getting too ahead of myself here.
Also after I fell asleep had a really weird dream. If you could call it a dream, usually dreams tend to have some kind of theme for me or characters. But this one just felt like I left my physical body and was floating through different places. Going through walls and stuff, not really consciously choosing a direction just sort of floating and getting taken by some invisible current. Went to an abandon school building there was a number etched into the metal, 457. Just remember trying to write it down in my dream because I felt it had significance. After I left the school building I arrived at this house situated on a piece of land with an overview of a small body of water. Weird feeling of it being mine or that it was "home", made me feel peaceful.
