07-12-2017, 05:47 AM
Resistance has been an issue a bit. Not in the outright obvious way. Quite interesting really. With this new tech I started thinking that I wasn't experiencing resistance. So my new resistance tactic was denying that the resistance was there. Doing the whole partial execution thing that makes it appear I'm getting the benefits of the sub, but I'm not going all the way. So I am seeing good growth, but at the same time I'm not getting the full benefits until I let go completely and stop obsessively controlling. The most ironic thing is that the more I try to change or improve myself consciously, the less I actually do. When I give up and let go and let the sub steer it comes from the inside and things just happen without me trying. An important lesson to be learned there. Sometimes even the most positive appearances can be resistance in disguise. In my case my conscious mind wanted to control how I grew and limited the power of the subliminal.
That being said I find that my life is still bottlenecked by fear. I've talked to a few people in my life about all my struggles. Sometimes I just get more upset because the only solution people have is to keep pushing and fight. But it's tiring and the very nature of having issues like this is that it manifests in very subtle ways that are hard to catch. I've stopped trying to compare myself to others and I've just focused on doing what's right for me. Other people might not get my struggle, they might not understand why I stay stuck in life, and that's fine. This is my problem to figure out and I'll heed any advice that people want to give me, but I'm not going to let them navigate my life for me. Just a few years ago I was convinced I could never change and I was doomed to be a socially anxious depressed mess of a person, but I grew and I beat it to some degree. Enough to shatter that illusion that things like depression and anxiety are a life sentence you have to cope with. I've achieved things in my life that I'm proud of and nobody can take that away from me. I've still got more growing to do and I always will. But for the time being I think it's important to take a step back and really recognize where I came from and how much improvement I've made. Even though on the outside people might criticize me or feel I haven't done anything, I don't care anymore because I'm done measuring my self worth to arbitrary outside standards.
DMSI is definitely drilling down into deep core issues. I know I'm on the right path because I'm starting to feel good about just being myself and living life vs feeling pressure to do things and prove my worth to everyone in my life.
That being said I find that my life is still bottlenecked by fear. I've talked to a few people in my life about all my struggles. Sometimes I just get more upset because the only solution people have is to keep pushing and fight. But it's tiring and the very nature of having issues like this is that it manifests in very subtle ways that are hard to catch. I've stopped trying to compare myself to others and I've just focused on doing what's right for me. Other people might not get my struggle, they might not understand why I stay stuck in life, and that's fine. This is my problem to figure out and I'll heed any advice that people want to give me, but I'm not going to let them navigate my life for me. Just a few years ago I was convinced I could never change and I was doomed to be a socially anxious depressed mess of a person, but I grew and I beat it to some degree. Enough to shatter that illusion that things like depression and anxiety are a life sentence you have to cope with. I've achieved things in my life that I'm proud of and nobody can take that away from me. I've still got more growing to do and I always will. But for the time being I think it's important to take a step back and really recognize where I came from and how much improvement I've made. Even though on the outside people might criticize me or feel I haven't done anything, I don't care anymore because I'm done measuring my self worth to arbitrary outside standards.
DMSI is definitely drilling down into deep core issues. I know I'm on the right path because I'm starting to feel good about just being myself and living life vs feeling pressure to do things and prove my worth to everyone in my life.
