Day 49 (Day 17 of B version)
2 loops DMSI vb Hybrid Trickling Stream
I felt good for a couple of days, but then felt really miserable yesterday. I think I'm depressed with my work situation currently. It's not giving me fulfilment. I've been thinking back to my idea about creating a website which breaks down acting performances. I've found some really interesting channels on Youtube that involve breaking down famous films and TV screenplays, but there isn't much on breaking down an actors performance in particular. Here's an example of something I've seen that comes close, but not really - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgs-saf5Se8
My original plan was to break down performances via text, and then link to youtube videos of the particular part I am talking about, but I think it would be much better if it's done via video in a professional manner. Unfortunately, I know nothing about video editing and I don't currently have a laptop that could probably handle the requirements of running such software effectively. It's going to be a big task to learn all that stuff.
I'm feeling frustrated because I don't have much opportunity to do this at work, and then when I get home I work out, eat, do chores, spend time with my girlfriend and then go to sleep. When I try and do some work on it in the evenings she gets pissed off because I'm not paying her enough attention.
IOI wise, girls stare at me a lot when I'm with my girlfriend. No panty displays though, which I'm hoping will happen one day. She's also been calling me "sexy" a lot lately, asking me if I know how sexy I am and stuff like this.
DMSI is working, but I'm beginning to wonder if it's worth me running it. I used to enjoy the validation of the IOIs, but now the novelty has worn off and I don't really care. It's become the new norm. I'm not going to cheat on my girlfriend, so what's the point of running the sub? Also, it makes me very tired. I'm having thoughts that Maximum Learning Speed when released might be worth swapping to, as it might help me with writing the acting stuff that I want to... but as always, I ask myself, is this just resistance? What if it's DMSI that is pushing me toward the acting stuff? Then I should stick with it and push through, so I'll stay on DMSI vB.
I'm starting to feel a little trapped... for reasons I feel guilty about. I love my girlfriend and I don't regret being with her, but I was a virgin before her, and we jumped into a relationship straight away and it's been over six months now. I was equally bad in pushing this forwards, and she literally moved location and job so she could be with me. I could see myself with her for the rest of my life, but then she's going to be the only woman I've ever had sex with. I kind of want to bring up the subject of her letting me sleep with other women, as she knows she's the only one I've slept with, but I'm pretty certain she won't be into that and will interpret it as "I'm not good enough for him" as she's already quite insecure in our relationship. Also me bringing up the idea will forever plant the thought in her mind that I want sex with other women, whereas at the moment she's happy thinking I only ever want to have sex with her. I feel like it would permanently taint our relationship.
When we first starting going out, I was so thrilled to lose my virginity as I worried it would never happen, I believed that I would be satisfied only ever having had sex with her. But now I worry if that was a mistake, not because I don't want to be with her, but because it means I'm going to have missed out on a lot of life experiences. Basically I made some immature decisions early on, but now for me to bring this subject up is going to only hurt her to benefit myself, which is a selfish act, and because it's my fault I think I should just live with my decision. Or another option is sleeping with other women without telling her, but I don't think I could do that, as if she found out it would be heart breaking for her.
I'm actually having huge urges to swap to AM6, but I don't want to go back to 5G technology. I'm definitely going to run AM7 the moment it's released, but it's so far away. So for now I guess it makes sense to just stick with DMSI.
2 loops DMSI vb Hybrid Trickling Stream
I felt good for a couple of days, but then felt really miserable yesterday. I think I'm depressed with my work situation currently. It's not giving me fulfilment. I've been thinking back to my idea about creating a website which breaks down acting performances. I've found some really interesting channels on Youtube that involve breaking down famous films and TV screenplays, but there isn't much on breaking down an actors performance in particular. Here's an example of something I've seen that comes close, but not really - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgs-saf5Se8
My original plan was to break down performances via text, and then link to youtube videos of the particular part I am talking about, but I think it would be much better if it's done via video in a professional manner. Unfortunately, I know nothing about video editing and I don't currently have a laptop that could probably handle the requirements of running such software effectively. It's going to be a big task to learn all that stuff.
I'm feeling frustrated because I don't have much opportunity to do this at work, and then when I get home I work out, eat, do chores, spend time with my girlfriend and then go to sleep. When I try and do some work on it in the evenings she gets pissed off because I'm not paying her enough attention.
IOI wise, girls stare at me a lot when I'm with my girlfriend. No panty displays though, which I'm hoping will happen one day. She's also been calling me "sexy" a lot lately, asking me if I know how sexy I am and stuff like this.
DMSI is working, but I'm beginning to wonder if it's worth me running it. I used to enjoy the validation of the IOIs, but now the novelty has worn off and I don't really care. It's become the new norm. I'm not going to cheat on my girlfriend, so what's the point of running the sub? Also, it makes me very tired. I'm having thoughts that Maximum Learning Speed when released might be worth swapping to, as it might help me with writing the acting stuff that I want to... but as always, I ask myself, is this just resistance? What if it's DMSI that is pushing me toward the acting stuff? Then I should stick with it and push through, so I'll stay on DMSI vB.
I'm starting to feel a little trapped... for reasons I feel guilty about. I love my girlfriend and I don't regret being with her, but I was a virgin before her, and we jumped into a relationship straight away and it's been over six months now. I was equally bad in pushing this forwards, and she literally moved location and job so she could be with me. I could see myself with her for the rest of my life, but then she's going to be the only woman I've ever had sex with. I kind of want to bring up the subject of her letting me sleep with other women, as she knows she's the only one I've slept with, but I'm pretty certain she won't be into that and will interpret it as "I'm not good enough for him" as she's already quite insecure in our relationship. Also me bringing up the idea will forever plant the thought in her mind that I want sex with other women, whereas at the moment she's happy thinking I only ever want to have sex with her. I feel like it would permanently taint our relationship.
When we first starting going out, I was so thrilled to lose my virginity as I worried it would never happen, I believed that I would be satisfied only ever having had sex with her. But now I worry if that was a mistake, not because I don't want to be with her, but because it means I'm going to have missed out on a lot of life experiences. Basically I made some immature decisions early on, but now for me to bring this subject up is going to only hurt her to benefit myself, which is a selfish act, and because it's my fault I think I should just live with my decision. Or another option is sleeping with other women without telling her, but I don't think I could do that, as if she found out it would be heart breaking for her.
I'm actually having huge urges to swap to AM6, but I don't want to go back to 5G technology. I'm definitely going to run AM7 the moment it's released, but it's so far away. So for now I guess it makes sense to just stick with DMSI.
