Day 116
Fuck man.
I tried running my usual 7 loops of A yesterday while sleeping, but with a twist.
I turned up the volume from my usual 5 notches (sometimes 3) to over 8.
Terror.
Pure terror.
I was scared.. nay.. I was terrified. And I was paranoid. My subconscious found a convenient outlet as always (occult stuff) and pinned it on that.
I was so paranoid and terrified of sleeping that I fell asleep for one hour while holding my arm upright with the phone in hand, gripping it tightly, fighting myself not to lower the volume.
For the sake of experimenting, I lowered the volume (and to let myself sleep, lol). The terror instantly lowered with some traces left.
Then I turned it back again.
Can you guess what happened?
My subconscious started shitting bricks again, just pure, unadulterated terror and paranoia.
My explanation for this is that the higher levels of subconscious are clearing the lower levels and getting to the really deep shit, and this is making those lower levels undergoing clearing to absolutely go apeshit from terror, and this is spilling over into the conscious part.
Furthermore, because this only happens when increasing the volume of the loops, which makes the subconscious make everything happen NOW, RIGHT NOW, it gets terrified because it ain't there yet, it hasn't exactly struck the "goldmine" of the main problem, and running higher volume forces it to dip into the "goldmine" and deal with it right away and clear massively, which proves to be too much.
By running it on lower volume, it can progressively clear it, manageable chunk by manageable chunk.
Other than that, everything is the same, being a total hermit for now. Exams + INTP + DMSI digging = the hermit of the hermit society.
Interestingly, the feelings of power keep happening. Feels damn good. There is also a huge desire for entrepreneurship.. and the power I am feeling will be only a positive thing here.
No shit is gonna stop me.
Fuck man.
I tried running my usual 7 loops of A yesterday while sleeping, but with a twist.
I turned up the volume from my usual 5 notches (sometimes 3) to over 8.
Terror.
Pure terror.
I was scared.. nay.. I was terrified. And I was paranoid. My subconscious found a convenient outlet as always (occult stuff) and pinned it on that.
I was so paranoid and terrified of sleeping that I fell asleep for one hour while holding my arm upright with the phone in hand, gripping it tightly, fighting myself not to lower the volume.
For the sake of experimenting, I lowered the volume (and to let myself sleep, lol). The terror instantly lowered with some traces left.
Then I turned it back again.
Can you guess what happened?
My subconscious started shitting bricks again, just pure, unadulterated terror and paranoia.
My explanation for this is that the higher levels of subconscious are clearing the lower levels and getting to the really deep shit, and this is making those lower levels undergoing clearing to absolutely go apeshit from terror, and this is spilling over into the conscious part.
Furthermore, because this only happens when increasing the volume of the loops, which makes the subconscious make everything happen NOW, RIGHT NOW, it gets terrified because it ain't there yet, it hasn't exactly struck the "goldmine" of the main problem, and running higher volume forces it to dip into the "goldmine" and deal with it right away and clear massively, which proves to be too much.
By running it on lower volume, it can progressively clear it, manageable chunk by manageable chunk.
Other than that, everything is the same, being a total hermit for now. Exams + INTP + DMSI digging = the hermit of the hermit society.
Interestingly, the feelings of power keep happening. Feels damn good. There is also a huge desire for entrepreneurship.. and the power I am feeling will be only a positive thing here.
No shit is gonna stop me.
