myth's Belated DMSI 3.1 Journal

[myth]

Prologue: Internals, part 1.

Belief in user's own sexual attractiveness (appearance)

1. Preexisting DMSI? Somewhat.
   
2. While listening to DMSI? Somewhat.
   
3. Difference in consistency so far? Roughly the same.
   
4. Difference in quality so far? More extreme highs and lows. Greater body dislike during lows, but less sadness, helplessness, and self-hatred accompanying it. During highs, feeling more inclined toward wanting to be my best self than trading the person that I am with anyone else (less envy).
   
5. Before/during preference so far? Unsure, as during is still more volatile. One of my primary goals with DMSI is to agree with others' positivity about my appearance, not merely accept and enjoy them feeling that way. As beauty is in the eye of the beholder (personal values differ), I acknowledge that agreeing with attracted beholders may be less realistic than finding my own positive self-perception.
   

Belief in user's own sexual attractiveness (value)

1. Preexisting DMSI? Yes.
   
2. While listening to DMSI? Apathetically.
   
3. Difference in consistency so far? More consistent.
   
4. Difference in quality so far? Decrease in importance of the concept of sexual value and a decrease in actually caring about it.
   
5. Before/during preference so far? Before. Feeling sexually valuable during sex can make it more enjoyable. Apathy can make it feel more like a chore. Could be chalked up to resistance or reduced external validation -- unless it isn't.
   

Belief in user's own sexual attractiveness (to others)

1. Preexisting DMSI? Yes.
   
2. While listening to DMSI? Yes.
   
3. Difference in consistency so far? More consistent.
   
4. Difference in quality so far? More solid acceptance and awareness of who's attracted, who isn't, and their respective standard deviations, accepting the reality, variety, and variance of others' tastes without placing further expectations upon them.
   
5. Before/during preference so far? During. Accepting that leopards have spots and that tigers have stripes keeps one from being disappointed when a tiger doesn't grow spots. On the flip-side, it keeps one from over-thinking why a leopard has spots and whether the spots are fake, erroneous, psychosomatic, a vision problem, etc.
   

Meeting halfway

1. Preexisting DMSI? Barely.
   
2. While listening to DMSI? Yes.
   
3. Difference in consistency so far? More consistent.
   
4. Difference in quality so far? Increased user response to less blatant initiation.
   
5. Before/during preference so far? Undecided. Creates more options, but may fail to filter out the less enthusiastic and the more insecure. Relying on women initiating intensely typically ensured that they had more self-security and strong enough interest in me to act overtly. Well... after weeding out the stalkers. Extra halfhearted and insecure options don't seem like a plus.