04-17-2017, 02:18 PM
The more time goes, the more I'm able to get out from the panic-state I have been in, feeling totally helpless and defeated, like I didn't even could reach out for help, because the balloon felt punctured. Maybe it was.
Being out-of-touch with oneself is what best would describe it, not being able to be myself, because I had treated "myself" so badly that I totally shut off. I didn't reach out for help when I should, and I just let it go for so long time that it almost passed the point of no return.
Today was the first time that I could read a book and follow it's story for longer than a couple of minutes, and feeling like I could somewhat be calm in myself. This weekend I hanged out with a old friend and for a couple of minutes I also felt "myself" again. So it's coming back, but the process is slow and require a lot of patience.
My chest-area feels deflated and vulnerable, but I'm slowly able to reach it with great care. I guess I could compare it with a hurt child who have problems trusting anyone, especially myself as I was part of putting me through the self-neglect. Trust is a fragile thing, and need to be nurtured and taken care of, especially for yourself as you are equally important as everyone else. And by taking the time to know yourself, you will also be able to share this part of you with others, but it has to start with you. Trust is growing inside of me, and I'm taking every chance to listen to the needs coming within, hoping to reestablish the contact that I had with myself before.
Being out-of-touch with oneself is what best would describe it, not being able to be myself, because I had treated "myself" so badly that I totally shut off. I didn't reach out for help when I should, and I just let it go for so long time that it almost passed the point of no return.
Today was the first time that I could read a book and follow it's story for longer than a couple of minutes, and feeling like I could somewhat be calm in myself. This weekend I hanged out with a old friend and for a couple of minutes I also felt "myself" again. So it's coming back, but the process is slow and require a lot of patience.
My chest-area feels deflated and vulnerable, but I'm slowly able to reach it with great care. I guess I could compare it with a hurt child who have problems trusting anyone, especially myself as I was part of putting me through the self-neglect. Trust is a fragile thing, and need to be nurtured and taken care of, especially for yourself as you are equally important as everyone else. And by taking the time to know yourself, you will also be able to share this part of you with others, but it has to start with you. Trust is growing inside of me, and I'm taking every chance to listen to the needs coming within, hoping to reestablish the contact that I had with myself before.
