Before shit hit the fan, I could do things that I can't do right now, and I have to face that situation to aid my current recovery.
Previously, I was a people-comforter-professional. I made other good by reading the situation, understand what they liked and adapted part of my personality to make them comfortable.
Now, I can't barely take care of my own comfort, I'm just not used to putting my attention to what I need. Previously life just went on, I could comfort other people, no problemas in particular, life went on and I just kept on going. So this have been a huge change for me. As if I don't have the energy to support a big part of my personality which is the - other people pleaser. I still can read from the situation what other people like, but now I have to change focus to what I need and like. Surely a big change.
And even though that people around me know that I have been facing a depression, they still are very used to the way I have behaved over the years. It's like I am in a current transition where I previously focused on what other people needed towards focusing on what I need, but I'm so unfamiliar with this, combined with that I feel like shit, that the transition is somewhat "not so smooth" to give a slight understatement.
Learning to balance this own emotions/others is a new thing as I previously treated emotional energy as something that just should be spread as much as it can, and making people feel good at every moment was something of my "duty". But sure as it is a great capability. it have to be used with moderation and balance to be sustainable, as with everything else. One challenge is that people around me are used to the way I have been before, and so am I. It's like no one of us know how to act, when I am not being the way I was before.
This feels like a really big deal (Even though I know it's not), and right now I just don't know what the hell I need anyway, just like I'm in some kind of transitional vacuum.
But to put some positive energy into the post, I have felt small pushes of liking to do stuff again (felt for a while to play the piano today), which I find as a sign that the progress continue to be positive.
EDIT:
What I mean with focusing on my needs, are ultimately learning to focus on supporting my emotions rather than other peoples emotions.
EDIT 2:
Let's say that there is a way to connect with others, not based on emotion, sharing a thought, but just feeling in understanding with each other. I lack that right now, like I'm not able to "reach" to others (and point here that it's not emotionally, but i don't know...spiritually? I feel disconnected somehow. Even though it's temporary, it's taking a toll on me.
Previously, I was a people-comforter-professional. I made other good by reading the situation, understand what they liked and adapted part of my personality to make them comfortable.
Now, I can't barely take care of my own comfort, I'm just not used to putting my attention to what I need. Previously life just went on, I could comfort other people, no problemas in particular, life went on and I just kept on going. So this have been a huge change for me. As if I don't have the energy to support a big part of my personality which is the - other people pleaser. I still can read from the situation what other people like, but now I have to change focus to what I need and like. Surely a big change.
And even though that people around me know that I have been facing a depression, they still are very used to the way I have behaved over the years. It's like I am in a current transition where I previously focused on what other people needed towards focusing on what I need, but I'm so unfamiliar with this, combined with that I feel like shit, that the transition is somewhat "not so smooth" to give a slight understatement.
Learning to balance this own emotions/others is a new thing as I previously treated emotional energy as something that just should be spread as much as it can, and making people feel good at every moment was something of my "duty". But sure as it is a great capability. it have to be used with moderation and balance to be sustainable, as with everything else. One challenge is that people around me are used to the way I have been before, and so am I. It's like no one of us know how to act, when I am not being the way I was before.
This feels like a really big deal (Even though I know it's not), and right now I just don't know what the hell I need anyway, just like I'm in some kind of transitional vacuum.
But to put some positive energy into the post, I have felt small pushes of liking to do stuff again (felt for a while to play the piano today), which I find as a sign that the progress continue to be positive.
EDIT:
What I mean with focusing on my needs, are ultimately learning to focus on supporting my emotions rather than other peoples emotions.
EDIT 2:
Let's say that there is a way to connect with others, not based on emotion, sharing a thought, but just feeling in understanding with each other. I lack that right now, like I'm not able to "reach" to others (and point here that it's not emotionally, but i don't know...spiritually? I feel disconnected somehow. Even though it's temporary, it's taking a toll on me.
