Through the journal of Illumi and reading about allowing everything, insecurities, pain, feelings or whatever it is, caused something to explode like back in my AM6 run. Its pretty much being in the dark and all gets to me as if I am crumbling and somewhat rationalizing it fuells my anger more. Even if I say that rejection doesnt faze me, I lie. It does, its there and am sick and done with it. The memiries if the girl I would date I feel resentment to her atm in a way.
Im really getting to the nitty gritty. Fuck nice faces, fuck the sweet boy that once was there, its like tragedy all over again. Im going and just let it allow for a while, even if it burns me up. Time to get real and let these cycles play out. Im sick, tired and done with all and its setting me on edge and physically shaking. I can feel the energy surge through my being, my bones and cells. Time to commence total meltdown.
I do somewhat suspect all this shit repelled on a subconsvious level. The hurt that was there that cycled and fuelled neediness. Its my own dark period again and dont need anyones permission for it. Rather reconnecting with agression, the primal and instinct which happened also in the gym today, aswell as being physical active today again like a realisatio on a mord beastly body level. Im half blind going thrpigh this shit, like slight vision blurr.
I want to feel.this all full and am awsre of caution layers right now, like a slight pull away from it including agression that is slightly dominant. Im not going to hold back in this like a fucking failef coping mechanism. Time to get real. Even if this is all full collapse of all I fucking know. Full on negativity, judgment and easily triggered by remarks as of now. Such as being called weak. Vengefull is an understatement ydt its an re-enacting if all. Total cobfusion and experiencing.
Im really getting to the nitty gritty. Fuck nice faces, fuck the sweet boy that once was there, its like tragedy all over again. Im going and just let it allow for a while, even if it burns me up. Time to get real and let these cycles play out. Im sick, tired and done with all and its setting me on edge and physically shaking. I can feel the energy surge through my being, my bones and cells. Time to commence total meltdown.
I do somewhat suspect all this shit repelled on a subconsvious level. The hurt that was there that cycled and fuelled neediness. Its my own dark period again and dont need anyones permission for it. Rather reconnecting with agression, the primal and instinct which happened also in the gym today, aswell as being physical active today again like a realisatio on a mord beastly body level. Im half blind going thrpigh this shit, like slight vision blurr.
I want to feel.this all full and am awsre of caution layers right now, like a slight pull away from it including agression that is slightly dominant. Im not going to hold back in this like a fucking failef coping mechanism. Time to get real. Even if this is all full collapse of all I fucking know. Full on negativity, judgment and easily triggered by remarks as of now. Such as being called weak. Vengefull is an understatement ydt its an re-enacting if all. Total cobfusion and experiencing.
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
