04-07-2017, 12:38 AM
Thanks for all the advice guys, it's appreciated.
DAY 35
She sensed there had been something off with me lately and confronted me about it last night. I ended up telling her my concerns, that I worried she was less sexually attracted to me than she had been at the start and that she viewed me as a great boyfriend but that when it came to sex, because I couldn't have sex with her or make her cum myself, she didn't want to do anything sexual with me.
She told me that she still found me very sexually attractive and that at times she still can't believe we're in a relationship together. She said to remember that she had been sick lately (which is true), and that she had purposefully been refraining from initiating sexual stuff with me because she thought it would help my reboot. She said that when she wanted to finish by herself, it was because it was late and she just wanted to get it out the way quickly. She said she doesn't want to ask me late at night or if she thinks I'm tired, because she doesn't want me to feel I have to do anything if I'm not in the mood to do it.
I told her that I would rather she involved me somehow with it, and even if I was too tired help her out then I would still like to feel part of it, by watching or whatever. I said it's hurtful for me to think of her being horny and then her first response not being to go to her boyfriend, but to masturbate to a fantasy that I assume doesn't involve me.
She said she understood and that we would do that in the future - then we both fooled around and she managed to cum in approx 3 minutes without her using any imagination. She was surprised and I think quite happy at how fast she came.
She knows about the reboot stuff and she's doing it too (she used to masturbate to sex stories exclusively). She told me this was the first time she was able to make herself cum without any stories or imagination. I'm hopeful that as we both reboot, in the future I will be able to get hard and she will be able to cum easier and we'll be able to have a great sex life.
She also said that I am my own worst enemy when I have these thoughts. She said to always tell her when I feel that way instead of holding it in and then being off with her for days because it's not fair on her to hold her to treat her differently for things that are only in my mind and that she is not able to defend herself.
She's right, I do have issues with jumping to the worst conclusion. I think a lot of it is caused by red pill reading, it makes me so paranoid that she is secretly using me as a provider and will then look elsewhere for her sex fulfillment. It's something I need to work on. I guess I just hate the idea of being hoodwinked. It all links into masculine pride for me, and the fear that she won't be fulfilled by me sexually. I let these fears sabotage my interactions with women.
It reminds me of some advice Shannon once gave me: "Don't sink your boat for her". I think I need to get it tatoo'd on my arm or something lol.
Feeling much happier now. It's lovely weather and it's the weekend soon. She's coming back with me to my family house. Life is good.
DAY 35
She sensed there had been something off with me lately and confronted me about it last night. I ended up telling her my concerns, that I worried she was less sexually attracted to me than she had been at the start and that she viewed me as a great boyfriend but that when it came to sex, because I couldn't have sex with her or make her cum myself, she didn't want to do anything sexual with me.
She told me that she still found me very sexually attractive and that at times she still can't believe we're in a relationship together. She said to remember that she had been sick lately (which is true), and that she had purposefully been refraining from initiating sexual stuff with me because she thought it would help my reboot. She said that when she wanted to finish by herself, it was because it was late and she just wanted to get it out the way quickly. She said she doesn't want to ask me late at night or if she thinks I'm tired, because she doesn't want me to feel I have to do anything if I'm not in the mood to do it.
I told her that I would rather she involved me somehow with it, and even if I was too tired help her out then I would still like to feel part of it, by watching or whatever. I said it's hurtful for me to think of her being horny and then her first response not being to go to her boyfriend, but to masturbate to a fantasy that I assume doesn't involve me.
She said she understood and that we would do that in the future - then we both fooled around and she managed to cum in approx 3 minutes without her using any imagination. She was surprised and I think quite happy at how fast she came.
She knows about the reboot stuff and she's doing it too (she used to masturbate to sex stories exclusively). She told me this was the first time she was able to make herself cum without any stories or imagination. I'm hopeful that as we both reboot, in the future I will be able to get hard and she will be able to cum easier and we'll be able to have a great sex life.
She also said that I am my own worst enemy when I have these thoughts. She said to always tell her when I feel that way instead of holding it in and then being off with her for days because it's not fair on her to hold her to treat her differently for things that are only in my mind and that she is not able to defend herself.
She's right, I do have issues with jumping to the worst conclusion. I think a lot of it is caused by red pill reading, it makes me so paranoid that she is secretly using me as a provider and will then look elsewhere for her sex fulfillment. It's something I need to work on. I guess I just hate the idea of being hoodwinked. It all links into masculine pride for me, and the fear that she won't be fulfilled by me sexually. I let these fears sabotage my interactions with women.
It reminds me of some advice Shannon once gave me: "Don't sink your boat for her". I think I need to get it tatoo'd on my arm or something lol.
Feeling much happier now. It's lovely weather and it's the weekend soon. She's coming back with me to my family house. Life is good.
