Shannon's Journal

[Shannon]

Hey Shannon I need some advice on something. I'm pretty sure it's fear of failure, but I just wanted to ask you and get the specifics on it. In my free time I like to produce electronic music. My biggest problem is just getting myself to sit down and actually compose something. Once I get going I usually enjoy it, but when I'm done for the day I have trouble going back to it. It's just this paralyzing fear that prevents me from finishing my work. It's almost like a love hate relationship. When I have a good idea and the ideas are flowing I don't want to walk away from it because I'm worried the next time I sit down I won't be able to do anything. Sometimes it's pretty unhealthy too, I get so absorbed in what I'm doing I neglect my own needs like food or water. Not to the extreme, but it's like my mind doesn't even process the hunger.

I want to get better and I've been making a consistent effort to push myself more, but I feel like a lot of the fear of failure takes away the enjoyment. Come to think of it, this happens with a lot of hobbies in my life and education as well. It's like I want to keep going, but at the same time it's a wall I run into.

I'm not sure if you can relate to how I feel, but I figured you might be able to relate. It's like when you create something and you know it could be improved upon, but you don't want to go back to it. You have to force yourself and sometimes it's mentally exhausting. When I finish alpha I figured I might give Overcome Fear Of Failure a try. I think I'm just too critical of myself and I don't want to fail in something because I see that as a reflection of me as a failure. It probably doesn't help that I have a black and white, all or nothing mentality. I try to see in shades of grey, but it's really hard.

You mean like the Weight Loss sub? lol I have been working on that for years in my head, but really had a hard time getting the changes actually going outside my head for the 4G version. I do very similar things, like, I will get started working and it's fun, and I get so focused that I stop eating, and I push myself to exhaustion because I am "in the flow".

The fear of failure sub would not be a bad idea, at least until I can see about making something a little more specific.

Keep trying on the shades of gray. It's worth it.