12-02-2011, 05:56 PM
(This post was last modified: 12-02-2011, 06:05 PM by RainbowAbyss.)
lot of changes going on, some very enjoyable
others upsetting and dissapointing
I've become AMAZING at getting my friends laid, without even trying, but not myself
really f-ing pissing me off
in general I am much more Alpha and have great sexual chemistry with alot of woman.
I've had a lot of satori's concerning my independence and putting woman in their place when they cross the line-
I'm way hornier but my sexuality comes in waves, I really feel a strong transition from dispersing my energy in mental and fantasy sex-to 'trying' to have real sex and this is a very emotionally painful process that at times evens off into a bleakness about life. Right now I feel worthless since all I want, as a matter of intention and oscillating physical desire, is to be having sex with woman I find attractive yet I can't always bring myself into alignment and when I do things don't always go as I like/escalate towards. I'm also finding myself like a SUPER PUA rather than just that guy who gets laid. By this I mean I feel like some instinct is missing in me, I go through the motions of whats right but somethings missing-I feel like letting go and being carefree is a trap and so is pushing and/or pursuing in a badass way-lot of confusion. All I know is that I want to feel control with myself over this and be confident and have total 100% belief that when I am attracted to a woman, I can make things happen-now obviously not a 100% but more often than not. I just don't understand how this is not happening in my life-its been so easy in the past-I'm not interested in becoming more and more withdrawn as in Alpha, I'm interested in being more and more engaged and making real progress in this area-and it just feels frozen-I'm thinking of adding some conscious mirror affirmations to address this area-in any way intellectually I know it doesn't fucking matter but its causing me a lot of emotional pain lately. I feel like I'm giving 100% without being a 'try hard' and its not good enough.
others upsetting and dissapointing
I've become AMAZING at getting my friends laid, without even trying, but not myself
really f-ing pissing me off
in general I am much more Alpha and have great sexual chemistry with alot of woman.
I've had a lot of satori's concerning my independence and putting woman in their place when they cross the line-
I'm way hornier but my sexuality comes in waves, I really feel a strong transition from dispersing my energy in mental and fantasy sex-to 'trying' to have real sex and this is a very emotionally painful process that at times evens off into a bleakness about life. Right now I feel worthless since all I want, as a matter of intention and oscillating physical desire, is to be having sex with woman I find attractive yet I can't always bring myself into alignment and when I do things don't always go as I like/escalate towards. I'm also finding myself like a SUPER PUA rather than just that guy who gets laid. By this I mean I feel like some instinct is missing in me, I go through the motions of whats right but somethings missing-I feel like letting go and being carefree is a trap and so is pushing and/or pursuing in a badass way-lot of confusion. All I know is that I want to feel control with myself over this and be confident and have total 100% belief that when I am attracted to a woman, I can make things happen-now obviously not a 100% but more often than not. I just don't understand how this is not happening in my life-its been so easy in the past-I'm not interested in becoming more and more withdrawn as in Alpha, I'm interested in being more and more engaged and making real progress in this area-and it just feels frozen-I'm thinking of adding some conscious mirror affirmations to address this area-in any way intellectually I know it doesn't fucking matter but its causing me a lot of emotional pain lately. I feel like I'm giving 100% without being a 'try hard' and its not good enough.
1. There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
