02-02-2017, 08:06 PM
(02-02-2017, 07:50 PM)eternity Wrote: I know it can get hopeless sometimes. .. especially when it seems like you're just met with failure after failure. And the work you put in to succeed ends up failing also. Trust me, that's a feeling I know all too well, and while I don't miss the feeling one bit, it taught me some valuable lessons. One is that the success is born out of the failures, much like a phoenix rises from its ashes. Two is that success is destined to occur, so long as I stay the course. Three, it's that I'm going to make many mistakes. So much so, that it overshadows my victories, if I choose to give the mistakes that power.
Considering that you have been on healing mode for damn near a year, you have surely made monumental progress, in retrospect. Surely your interactions with your friends and family have become much more engaging and fun. Give yourself a bit of credit, and enjoy the small victories while learning from the mistakes
The last sentence of your most recent post is indicative to me of a potential negative feedback loop, in that you subconsciously believe that you will deal with the same old shit for the rest of your life, thereby causing some self sabotage along your journey. Maybe I'm reading too deep into it, but I just wanted to bring it up in case it's worth some self examining.
Tbh, as I've said before, most of my time on E2 was hellish. Definitely didn't feel good most of the time and my interactions with people were certainly not fun for the most part. Switching to DMSI, that has definitely improved though, but really I had a lot of fun in my interactions before starting subs. Ever since starting E2, I haven't been as emotionally vibrant. Maybe it's for the best and I just don't see it. On DMSI though I've been much more emotionally engaged than when I was on E2.
I think there may be a subconscious feedback loop relating specifically to girls or social situations involving girls I'm attracted to. That's possible. I definitely picked up on my loop of making plans with a girl, we don't have sex, and then I feel the need to release via PMO and then get angry afterwards about not having an actual girl. It feels like rolling a die and getting the same number every single time, very frustrating and annoying. I have noticed the PMO seems to be affected by DMSI and thus breaking that loop.
But if there's another negative feedback loop, wouldn't DMSI address it anyway?
I think if DMSI just manifested some hot girls for long term sex, the loop would have to die.
