Alpha Male take two

[mat422]

So far I feel like stage 1 has cleared a lot of baggage. I've gained a lot more understanding about myself and I've learned how my social anxiety caused me to project onto others. These days I'm learning to manage the anxiety a lot better and choosing to easily let it go when I need to. Part of my problem was also because I held onto my social anxiety. I think I did this because the anxiety was actually a defense mechanism for a much deeper problem that I didn't want to address. I definitely feel like a lot of insecurity was removed from me and I'm more free to express who I am. An example of this is I decided to grow my hair out again. When I had shorter hair I felt like I cut it short just because of societal pressure and how a guy is supposed to look. I never really felt comfortable with it, but now I feel a lot better. It's such a small thing, but it makes a huge difference in how I feel.

I'm sort of a jack of all trades master of none guy. So I have trouble dedicating myself to just one thing. I've decided I'm gonna learn to breakdance. It's one of those things when I was younger I thought about, but I felt like I would be criticized for it and I never tried to learn. So know I've got skateboarding, breaking, and producing electronic music. Sometimes I wish I was only interested in one hobby and poured all my passion into it, but that's just not the way I am. I'm too interested in other things and I'm always willing to try something new. But I guess that's limited thinking that I believe I can't be good at 3 things. In fact, I'm learning to recognize my fear of failure and just push through it. Along with my perfectionism and the attitude of, if I can't be really good at something why bother. I'm trying to learn to just have fun, without the need to prove something to myself or take things too seriously.