10-10-2011, 12:58 AM
I had a breaking point in Alpha today,
I realize without a doubt that this sub brings one
of my most difficult resistances/issues in life, a kind of deep apathy, depression
that's more like a 'I dont give a xxx about anything' so much so I feel a lot of internal
resistance to anything I care/cared about. I saw it so clearly during a meditation, and I realized
it is simply the result of not taking action or putting myself out there for things that 'further' me in life/I want in life/ are neccasary (responsibilities) in life. Once I make a move, everything seems to flow effortlessly, much more so than the recent weeks prior to starting my refresher course.
So off alpha-easier to get started with things-almost out of a compulsion- but requires more conscious management when engaged and I feel less comfortable less able to just go all out-in such things like job interviews, socializing, going on dates, working on projects, active leisure etc.
On Alpha-MUCH harder to be willing to get started with anything but once I start-I am bold, go all out, feel totally myself and honest with my communication, unconscious management it feels like.
4 more days!!!
If there is an Alpha 2012-from my experience with 2011 version I would say
passion
motivation
and while I do feel more confident I think there might be to much 'confidence/ego' management, I remember in the 2010 version stage 3 I felt like superman, and that was awesome, I didn't really get into to much trouble for it
I realize without a doubt that this sub brings one
of my most difficult resistances/issues in life, a kind of deep apathy, depression
that's more like a 'I dont give a xxx about anything' so much so I feel a lot of internal
resistance to anything I care/cared about. I saw it so clearly during a meditation, and I realized
it is simply the result of not taking action or putting myself out there for things that 'further' me in life/I want in life/ are neccasary (responsibilities) in life. Once I make a move, everything seems to flow effortlessly, much more so than the recent weeks prior to starting my refresher course.
So off alpha-easier to get started with things-almost out of a compulsion- but requires more conscious management when engaged and I feel less comfortable less able to just go all out-in such things like job interviews, socializing, going on dates, working on projects, active leisure etc.
On Alpha-MUCH harder to be willing to get started with anything but once I start-I am bold, go all out, feel totally myself and honest with my communication, unconscious management it feels like.
4 more days!!!
If there is an Alpha 2012-from my experience with 2011 version I would say
passion
motivation
and while I do feel more confident I think there might be to much 'confidence/ego' management, I remember in the 2010 version stage 3 I felt like superman, and that was awesome, I didn't really get into to much trouble for it
1. There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
