11-30-2016, 04:23 PM
Words just can't express how frustrated I am at myself. Today was our last dance class and I really just wanted the day to be over already. After class, that girl I've mentioned before left the room right before I made my way towards the door. I wasn't going to talk to her. On the way to the door leading outside, she just comments about the weather out loud "Oh frick, it's starting to rain" or something along those lines. This was obvious the whole time during the class as there's a window where you can clearly see outside and the clouds have been dark all day. I commented and we talked for a little bit but when I crossed the road I started to head to the closest bathroom as usual to change into regular clothes. She was going in a different direction. She smiled and said bye and waved. I just said to have a nice break and she said the same. It was only afterwards that I regretted not pushing the interaction further. I really beat myself up over it. At the same time, it may have just ended up being a huge waste of time for me. I don't know and that fucking irritates me. It'd be so much easier if girls just straight up told you "I'd like to suck/fuck you" instead of all this other bullshit. I'm just so frustrated and angry.
I started having violent thoughts again. It just feels like I'm falling and I just want it to stop. I thought to myself for a second "Oh maybe the universe has my back and I'll run into her again." Fat chance. Then I realized "Wait, the universe has never ever had my back when it came to girls".
This all goes back to those people in my major that I had an incident (or at least what I thought as an incident) with. I saw one of them going to class and a group of people even interrupted our class for something and the person was there too. That's a big reason I just find it hard to make friends with people in my major, let alone have anything sexual with the girls in the major.
Right now I'm just sick of where I am. I hate it and I feel like beating something to a pulp. I am just so fuckin tired of dealing with the same, the SAME OLD SHIT! Seriously.
I don't really know what to do. I don't want to have the same experience when I go to the rest of my final classes. I'm just so sick of this. I'm sick of all of it. I'm just at the point where I feel like giving up, it's that bad and frustrating. This semester has been the shittiest one since my first, WTF!
I'm at a loss here. I haven't felt like this in a while. 2.4 is really fucking with me even though I stopped running it. When 3.0.1 is released, I will start running it asap, I can't keep feeling like this. This is fucking up my reality.
I started having violent thoughts again. It just feels like I'm falling and I just want it to stop. I thought to myself for a second "Oh maybe the universe has my back and I'll run into her again." Fat chance. Then I realized "Wait, the universe has never ever had my back when it came to girls".
This all goes back to those people in my major that I had an incident (or at least what I thought as an incident) with. I saw one of them going to class and a group of people even interrupted our class for something and the person was there too. That's a big reason I just find it hard to make friends with people in my major, let alone have anything sexual with the girls in the major.
Right now I'm just sick of where I am. I hate it and I feel like beating something to a pulp. I am just so fuckin tired of dealing with the same, the SAME OLD SHIT! Seriously.
I don't really know what to do. I don't want to have the same experience when I go to the rest of my final classes. I'm just so sick of this. I'm sick of all of it. I'm just at the point where I feel like giving up, it's that bad and frustrating. This semester has been the shittiest one since my first, WTF!
I'm at a loss here. I haven't felt like this in a while. 2.4 is really fucking with me even though I stopped running it. When 3.0.1 is released, I will start running it asap, I can't keep feeling like this. This is fucking up my reality.
