The Bad
Today felt pretty suckish
I was alright earlier in the day and it just got worse as the day progressed.
At first I just didn't feel like talking to people, but that passed.
Then I go to my dance class and even though I did well for me, I didn't like how there were others in the class with more experience who did better and that we were all in the same class. It's clear they didn't need the class and they've said they learned this all awhile ago.
Then I just started to feel irritated at myself. One girl who was super nice and friendly and happy to see me in the past, I saw her twice today. She just smiled and said hi earlier then ignored me and walked right by the second time. She's only been acting like this this semester. Usually, we talk and she's all excited and will introduce her friends to me, stuff like that. I just like her as a friend, but it still bothers me. It's one of the things that added to today. Now she's "gone weird" as Ben puts it and its fucking stupid.
The worst thing is that later in the day once I felt pretty fucking bad, I start seeing these hot girls. I mean HOT! The first one I saw and I was like "Oh god. It'd be great to fuck her". And then more kept showing up. I got angry and irritated about it to the point that I went somewhere where no one else should be walking by so I could be by myself.
On my bus ride home, I realized that I'm scared that I'm going to graduate college and it wouldn't have been what I intended it to be. I know I need to get over this.
The Good
At Subway today, I got a deluxe and the guy gave me an extra scoop of tuna (7 instead of 6). Then when I get to the register I quickly see "Emp Discount 50%" and it's half off. I noticed. I said thanks and paid and then he pointed it out to me that since I come by practically every day then I deserve a discount. I told him I appreciated it.
Thoughts
Usually when I feel shitty, I just listen to 2.4 on the bus ride home, nearly get knocked out, and I'm about neutral by the time I get back to my place. Today, without that, I can say for sure that I need the healing version still. I need it without a doubt. I will run 3.0.1 as soon as it comes out. But seeing how it is to come off a healing version of DMSI without having finished healing, I may just run 3.0.1 until all the healing is done. I don't want to feel like this again. That's for sure.
Since Shannon said he was still targetting the 27th for release, I'm done running 2.4. I can only hope now that it's still running in my head so that I can heal from what I'm currently going through. Even though 2.4 didn't have "emotional masking" it definitely feels like it did.
The Subway discount was the only good thing that I can recall today really. Right now, I just want my classes to fuck off. I'm definitely going to give the teachers ratings they deserve. This is ridiculous and I deserve a fucking vacation.
Today felt pretty suckish
I was alright earlier in the day and it just got worse as the day progressed.
At first I just didn't feel like talking to people, but that passed.
Then I go to my dance class and even though I did well for me, I didn't like how there were others in the class with more experience who did better and that we were all in the same class. It's clear they didn't need the class and they've said they learned this all awhile ago.
Then I just started to feel irritated at myself. One girl who was super nice and friendly and happy to see me in the past, I saw her twice today. She just smiled and said hi earlier then ignored me and walked right by the second time. She's only been acting like this this semester. Usually, we talk and she's all excited and will introduce her friends to me, stuff like that. I just like her as a friend, but it still bothers me. It's one of the things that added to today. Now she's "gone weird" as Ben puts it and its fucking stupid.
The worst thing is that later in the day once I felt pretty fucking bad, I start seeing these hot girls. I mean HOT! The first one I saw and I was like "Oh god. It'd be great to fuck her". And then more kept showing up. I got angry and irritated about it to the point that I went somewhere where no one else should be walking by so I could be by myself.
On my bus ride home, I realized that I'm scared that I'm going to graduate college and it wouldn't have been what I intended it to be. I know I need to get over this.
The Good
At Subway today, I got a deluxe and the guy gave me an extra scoop of tuna (7 instead of 6). Then when I get to the register I quickly see "Emp Discount 50%" and it's half off. I noticed. I said thanks and paid and then he pointed it out to me that since I come by practically every day then I deserve a discount. I told him I appreciated it.
Thoughts
Usually when I feel shitty, I just listen to 2.4 on the bus ride home, nearly get knocked out, and I'm about neutral by the time I get back to my place. Today, without that, I can say for sure that I need the healing version still. I need it without a doubt. I will run 3.0.1 as soon as it comes out. But seeing how it is to come off a healing version of DMSI without having finished healing, I may just run 3.0.1 until all the healing is done. I don't want to feel like this again. That's for sure.
Since Shannon said he was still targetting the 27th for release, I'm done running 2.4. I can only hope now that it's still running in my head so that I can heal from what I'm currently going through. Even though 2.4 didn't have "emotional masking" it definitely feels like it did.
The Subway discount was the only good thing that I can recall today really. Right now, I just want my classes to fuck off. I'm definitely going to give the teachers ratings they deserve. This is ridiculous and I deserve a fucking vacation.
