Ok so first day back to college. Still going to a community college for those that don't know. Anyway my biggest hurdle is always the anxiety I feel on the first day and sometimes the next few weeks. I am drained of energy right now, so dead inside. This is the one two punch I get with anxiety. First it's the anticipation and experiencing the event that gives me anxiety, then it's the burnout and frustration afterwards.
Having said that I believe that part of me identifies myself with my anxiety. I've had social anxiety since I was a kid, so I never felt I was me, I always felt as if I was the social anxiety. Now that is important because if social anxiety is me, then that means it's my fault and I'm a failure. I can see how this kind of thinking has eroded my self esteem over the years. Nobody ever told me as a kid that it was ok to have anxiety or it would be more of a stop being so afraid kind of thing. Teachers always said I was too quiet, parents, students, etc. I never even really told my parents until around senior year of high school and by then I was having a nervous breakdown because college scared me so much.
But I'm seeing social anxiety as a separate problem and not really who I am. After going through alpha male I made some drastic changes, but anxiety is one of those things that always haunted me and made me believe that the subliminal didn't do anything. I am an alpha male in my own way, but anxiety suppresses my full potential. It's hard to think of yourself as strong when something as simple as being on campus around people is enough to make you stressed or anxious.
Today I took some good away from the bad experience so at least I'm staying positive. Everything just becomes a thousand times more complicated when I've got this anxiety though especially when some class wants me to participate or do a presentation. Last time I tried to speak out in a class my heart started racing, my throat dried up, and speaking was something that was a monumental effort. I wish I knew why, probably on some deep level I still fear rejection or I'm really sensitive so my anxiety is a defense mechanism. As if college isn't enough work already, I've got issues that make a seemingly normal day to other people a nightmarish hell for me.
Keeping my hopes up though and putting my faith in this sub to give me some relief. Looking at this post maybe giving the social anxiety sub a try couldn't hurt. I've exhausted all my other options.
Having said that I believe that part of me identifies myself with my anxiety. I've had social anxiety since I was a kid, so I never felt I was me, I always felt as if I was the social anxiety. Now that is important because if social anxiety is me, then that means it's my fault and I'm a failure. I can see how this kind of thinking has eroded my self esteem over the years. Nobody ever told me as a kid that it was ok to have anxiety or it would be more of a stop being so afraid kind of thing. Teachers always said I was too quiet, parents, students, etc. I never even really told my parents until around senior year of high school and by then I was having a nervous breakdown because college scared me so much.
But I'm seeing social anxiety as a separate problem and not really who I am. After going through alpha male I made some drastic changes, but anxiety is one of those things that always haunted me and made me believe that the subliminal didn't do anything. I am an alpha male in my own way, but anxiety suppresses my full potential. It's hard to think of yourself as strong when something as simple as being on campus around people is enough to make you stressed or anxious.
Today I took some good away from the bad experience so at least I'm staying positive. Everything just becomes a thousand times more complicated when I've got this anxiety though especially when some class wants me to participate or do a presentation. Last time I tried to speak out in a class my heart started racing, my throat dried up, and speaking was something that was a monumental effort. I wish I knew why, probably on some deep level I still fear rejection or I'm really sensitive so my anxiety is a defense mechanism. As if college isn't enough work already, I've got issues that make a seemingly normal day to other people a nightmarish hell for me.
Keeping my hopes up though and putting my faith in this sub to give me some relief. Looking at this post maybe giving the social anxiety sub a try couldn't hurt. I've exhausted all my other options.
