08-10-2011, 08:03 PM
I had another intake conversation with a psychiatrist today; since my psychologist needed more confirmation on what kind of treatment would be the most suitable to my needs. I’ve also made the decision to go into ‘group’ therapy (has a different name, couldn’t find a more suitable English variant of it) which will be contained in blocks of four hours, three times a week with 6-7 other people. After the intake I’m not so sure if it has been the right decision, but it could also mean that I’m simply resisting the process. I think I have more gain by discussing my thoughts patterns, and in the process becoming more aware and focusing on more effective and positive solutions and thought patterns towards it with a psychologist than to expose myself to other people that have their own issues as well. But I’ll have to see it for myself before I can really determine if it’s truly in my best interest to follow this process. The ‘group’ therapy sessions will start on August the 19th. I still have to have a conversation with a medication specialist, but I’ve already made the decision not to take SSRI’s because mainly I’m not looking forward on dealing with any negative side effects, and I have a strong belief that my issues can be solved without them since I already experienced a strong glimpse of it already (before my nervous breakdown). I'm not sure if I'll return to college for this year, because I'm not sure if I'm ready to get back on the saddle as it were. Still have to consider finances, and if this treatment is really worth so much of my time.
You may or may not have noticed that I posted my face here, it was sort of an experiment to see how my BDD ridden mind would respond, so I could analyze possible thoughts of putting myself more in the open but I'm actually pretty used to it now. Although I won't permit myself to use a less 'good' photo of myself here (which would probably make me climb up the walls). The same applies here that I notice that my perspective regarding my looks and photos of myself change throughout the day. I think it's probably a contrast between focusing on details (that I don't like about myself) and seeing the whole picture (which is mainly positive). I think my sense of self-worth is the deciding factor between these two.
I also found on random google search a band member that has pretty much all the ugly characteristics and demeanor of the face I envision myself to have. And after comparing pictures with him, and to my relieve there is barely any comparison. This should keep my spirits up for a few days...
I picked up the following snippets from Patti’s thread, and it describes pretty much what I’m going through for some time now.
It just also happens that I’m a Scorpio, and I do see a definitive contrast between before and after my nervous breakdown. What previously was a steady build up is now the yoyo effect that Shannon describes. This also makes me hesitant of posting my results here because I’m somewhat doubtful if the effects last.
Truthfully it’s hard for me to envision myself currently as an Alpha Male, it feels more like having an occasional stroke of inspiration, courage, and clarity which soon falters back afterwards to passiveness and feeling pretty much worthless and somewhat stuck (going in circles) for longer periods of time. This makes me more wonder if it’s really resistance or that it’s simply depression, or just both.
I strongly agree on that it also depends on how you consciously look towards the effects of the subliminals, at the beginning they were almost awe-some to me with unlimited possibilities because it showed me a side of life that was so different than what I normally experienced (there weren’t as many published scripts and journals at that time, which left more of a sense of mystery and more to wonder about what these programs would/could do). It’s all open and clear now, I know what I can expect and I’m pretty much waiting for the effects to show up, and this closed mindset is presumably also a big big part of the resistance.
I am noticing a definite rise in becoming more assertive and making myself (needs and wants) more clearly towards others, and having more self esteem (more positive belief in my abilities) but that’s pretty much the most prominent thread I see leading through all this.
I'm going to look for suitable (self) hypnosis tapes/cd's, just like back in the 'good' ol' days Perhaps this can address my resistance. If I find something that works, I'll mention it here.
You may or may not have noticed that I posted my face here, it was sort of an experiment to see how my BDD ridden mind would respond, so I could analyze possible thoughts of putting myself more in the open but I'm actually pretty used to it now. Although I won't permit myself to use a less 'good' photo of myself here (which would probably make me climb up the walls). The same applies here that I notice that my perspective regarding my looks and photos of myself change throughout the day. I think it's probably a contrast between focusing on details (that I don't like about myself) and seeing the whole picture (which is mainly positive). I think my sense of self-worth is the deciding factor between these two.
I also found on random google search a band member that has pretty much all the ugly characteristics and demeanor of the face I envision myself to have. And after comparing pictures with him, and to my relieve there is barely any comparison. This should keep my spirits up for a few days...
I picked up the following snippets from Patti’s thread, and it describes pretty much what I’m going through for some time now.
(08-10-2011, 03:18 PM)Shannon Wrote: Subliminals can be resisted to a degree that depends on a complex interaction of your body and your mind. Some people are practically helpless to resist subliminals, and some can ignore them without a second thought. And in the middle there are the other 99.99%, who fall somewhere in between.
Astrologically, I have noticed a strong correlation between fixed sign placement and resistance increasing. Not surprisingly if you know that a fixed sign resists change, and the negative pole of strength is blind resistance, regardless of what it costs the person doing the resisting. In charts where there is Taurus or Scorpio placement in the front of the chart - most frequently in Mercury or Venus - this resistance is easily able to override the effects of the subliminals if that is the subconscious desire.
I know it's working also because you have reported times when it would change your responses, and then later those changes failed to remain. That's the same thing we see with obese people who use a weight loss program that conflicts with their internal programming and they resist it. They lose 10 pounds... and gain 10 pounds... and lose 10 pounds... and gain 10 pounds. The yoyo effect.
…
So at this point, the goal has to be first and foremost, to decide: do I, or do I not genuinely and honestly choose to Stop Smoking?
And, if you do, on a conscious level, you'll have to find a way to translate that to a release of subconscious resistance to the change and the program. That's something only you can do. The subliminal cannot force you, as you are too strong willed. You might want to consider affirmations and self hypnosis in that case.
It just also happens that I’m a Scorpio, and I do see a definitive contrast between before and after my nervous breakdown. What previously was a steady build up is now the yoyo effect that Shannon describes. This also makes me hesitant of posting my results here because I’m somewhat doubtful if the effects last.
Truthfully it’s hard for me to envision myself currently as an Alpha Male, it feels more like having an occasional stroke of inspiration, courage, and clarity which soon falters back afterwards to passiveness and feeling pretty much worthless and somewhat stuck (going in circles) for longer periods of time. This makes me more wonder if it’s really resistance or that it’s simply depression, or just both.
I strongly agree on that it also depends on how you consciously look towards the effects of the subliminals, at the beginning they were almost awe-some to me with unlimited possibilities because it showed me a side of life that was so different than what I normally experienced (there weren’t as many published scripts and journals at that time, which left more of a sense of mystery and more to wonder about what these programs would/could do). It’s all open and clear now, I know what I can expect and I’m pretty much waiting for the effects to show up, and this closed mindset is presumably also a big big part of the resistance.
I am noticing a definite rise in becoming more assertive and making myself (needs and wants) more clearly towards others, and having more self esteem (more positive belief in my abilities) but that’s pretty much the most prominent thread I see leading through all this.
I'm going to look for suitable (self) hypnosis tapes/cd's, just like back in the 'good' ol' days
Perhaps this can address my resistance. If I find something that works, I'll mention it here.
