Day 19
Before I begin this post, I am writing this post from my phone and so some things I write out may not really be completely comprehensive. I tend to babble when I type on my mobile.
Moving on...
Days 17 and 18 kind of went by without a lot happening, partially because I was so focused on work and partially because I was exhausted from the week. I was also irritable at times but this could also have been due to my diet change.
Moving onto today, I had two really interesting things happen. And then a side bar of some observations.
First the sidebar. The manifestation is really strong. Today I thought of a friend of mine and immediately got texted by him. I then thought of something I needed and someone at work immediately gave me those files before I could ask them for it.
Stuff like that kept happening. It was fun. After a while I decided to just test the lengths I could take it by thinking of random things and just watching them happen - typically related to people showing up or reaching out to me while at the office.
Next, the observations.
Well, one is an observation, one is an experience that I am now observing mentally in terms of a relation.
Recently, any desire to have a relationship with a woman has completely left me. I now look at a woman and it gets hard for me to be really turned on by her. The hard-ons that I would get early on from the sub are gone. I have zero desire for women.
So when I look at a woman, the only thing I think of is that I just want sex. Meaning, I no longer need any connection, I don't want to get to know them, I don't need to emotionally connect with them, it's just - would they fulfill a sexual desire that I have. That's it.
This led me to thinking about the ghosting that seems to be happening with a lot of us running the sub. There are days when I get the IOI's and other days when they look away from me.
I think the reason for the ghosting might be two-fold. One, our body and mind may not be totally congruent with each other yet. I look at women one way, yet I emotionally feel something else for them. I want to have sex with them but I don't want to connect with them. I have an apathy for women (I consider Apathy an emotion, had a debate about it when I was still in college and read Camus's the Stranger).
Once my body and mind become congruent with this new found mental state, I think the attraction will be much stronger. This may also be why posters haven't felt the aura that strongly and why the energy of the sub has been an issue. Which brings the second point. With our body and mind in constant conflict, perhaps that's where a lot of our energy is going. Hence the feelings of being tired early on in the sub. I realize we are releasing, but in a state of constant conflict, your energy would be zapped a lot more.
This may also explain the rise in energy with 2.3. There was no healing, just a lot of headaches. So the energy and appetites were satiated and fueled the single directive of 2.3.
Onto second observation / experience.
I wrote a while back how I wanted to tell the younger me that it was OK. That things would change. There was a part of my youth I wanted healed.
When I was about 12 I was in the Boy Scouts. One of our trips was an overnight at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. I remember walking around the museum with a buddy of mine. The Franklin had a long standing tradition of doing overnight stays and still do till this day.
Anyway, I wasn't watching where I was going and I bumped into a deaf boy. He hand signed something to me but I couldn't sign back and the kid left quickly. I think he felt embarrassed or something - he just looked at me sort of disappointed.
I always felt bad that I couldn't communicate with the kid properly. It stayed with me for a long time. Some random event. But I never forgot it.
Several times in my life, I tried to learn sign language. I never used it and for the most part I forgot what I had learned.
Anyway, I went to drop off a friend at Penn Station today (I accurately predicted the track number of their train by the way, more like the track number I wanted is the one that came up), and there was a deaf guy trying to figure out how the train works.
There was a lot of finger pointing on the NJ Transit maps, and me showing him what track his train was on on the board. But I was able to help him. In the end he thanked me in Sign and caught his train.
I immediately thought of the deaf boy from my childhood. And I felt like I was able to heal something inside of myself today.
It was a random experience maybe, but I thought it was interesting as I had posted about my childhood before.
DMSI has been an incredibly satisfying ride... Can't wait to see what happens next...
Before I begin this post, I am writing this post from my phone and so some things I write out may not really be completely comprehensive. I tend to babble when I type on my mobile.
Moving on...
Days 17 and 18 kind of went by without a lot happening, partially because I was so focused on work and partially because I was exhausted from the week. I was also irritable at times but this could also have been due to my diet change.
Moving onto today, I had two really interesting things happen. And then a side bar of some observations.
First the sidebar. The manifestation is really strong. Today I thought of a friend of mine and immediately got texted by him. I then thought of something I needed and someone at work immediately gave me those files before I could ask them for it.
Stuff like that kept happening. It was fun. After a while I decided to just test the lengths I could take it by thinking of random things and just watching them happen - typically related to people showing up or reaching out to me while at the office.
Next, the observations.
Well, one is an observation, one is an experience that I am now observing mentally in terms of a relation.
Recently, any desire to have a relationship with a woman has completely left me. I now look at a woman and it gets hard for me to be really turned on by her. The hard-ons that I would get early on from the sub are gone. I have zero desire for women.
So when I look at a woman, the only thing I think of is that I just want sex. Meaning, I no longer need any connection, I don't want to get to know them, I don't need to emotionally connect with them, it's just - would they fulfill a sexual desire that I have. That's it.
This led me to thinking about the ghosting that seems to be happening with a lot of us running the sub. There are days when I get the IOI's and other days when they look away from me.
I think the reason for the ghosting might be two-fold. One, our body and mind may not be totally congruent with each other yet. I look at women one way, yet I emotionally feel something else for them. I want to have sex with them but I don't want to connect with them. I have an apathy for women (I consider Apathy an emotion, had a debate about it when I was still in college and read Camus's the Stranger).
Once my body and mind become congruent with this new found mental state, I think the attraction will be much stronger. This may also be why posters haven't felt the aura that strongly and why the energy of the sub has been an issue. Which brings the second point. With our body and mind in constant conflict, perhaps that's where a lot of our energy is going. Hence the feelings of being tired early on in the sub. I realize we are releasing, but in a state of constant conflict, your energy would be zapped a lot more.
This may also explain the rise in energy with 2.3. There was no healing, just a lot of headaches. So the energy and appetites were satiated and fueled the single directive of 2.3.
Onto second observation / experience.
I wrote a while back how I wanted to tell the younger me that it was OK. That things would change. There was a part of my youth I wanted healed.
When I was about 12 I was in the Boy Scouts. One of our trips was an overnight at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. I remember walking around the museum with a buddy of mine. The Franklin had a long standing tradition of doing overnight stays and still do till this day.
Anyway, I wasn't watching where I was going and I bumped into a deaf boy. He hand signed something to me but I couldn't sign back and the kid left quickly. I think he felt embarrassed or something - he just looked at me sort of disappointed.
I always felt bad that I couldn't communicate with the kid properly. It stayed with me for a long time. Some random event. But I never forgot it.
Several times in my life, I tried to learn sign language. I never used it and for the most part I forgot what I had learned.
Anyway, I went to drop off a friend at Penn Station today (I accurately predicted the track number of their train by the way, more like the track number I wanted is the one that came up), and there was a deaf guy trying to figure out how the train works.
There was a lot of finger pointing on the NJ Transit maps, and me showing him what track his train was on on the board. But I was able to help him. In the end he thanked me in Sign and caught his train.
I immediately thought of the deaf boy from my childhood. And I felt like I was able to heal something inside of myself today.
It was a random experience maybe, but I thought it was interesting as I had posted about my childhood before.
DMSI has been an incredibly satisfying ride... Can't wait to see what happens next...
