Shannon, I'd be interested to know your viewpoint on this subject matter. The whole nature vs nurture thing has always interested me and I sometimes wonder if I just got really unlucky growing up. I don't really recall anything horrible happening to me as a kid, but I've always felt hyper sensitive. Thinking about it more I've come to realize that my perfectionism is a symptom of my hyper sensitivity and not really the main thing. After running through alpha male I've definitely changed, looking back I can see how different I am, but at the same time I seem to be plagued by a very deep problem.
Being hyper sensitive also created a chain reaction of events for me growing up. First I was scared, anxious, timid, and people took advantage of that. Then I got angry or was really bitter to people, I remember in high school I'd walk down the hallways and just pick out kids that I thought looked tough and then psyche myself up to fight them. The only way I could mask my sensitivity at that time was rejecting people before they rejected me. Eventually I got to the point where I am now, I'm cold at times and isolated and reluctant to let anyone into my life.
Women especially, they can sense it and I don't want a girl that tries to "fix" me. I was at a party a couple weeks ago with some friends and I was just chilling outside alone. This girl that I know started asking me what was wrong. She could sense it, but I couldn't put it into words. It's one of those things that just sits there in the back of your mind that bothers you every day. It's like having a front that everything is fine on the outside and occasionally your problems slip through in your behavior subconsciously and people pick up on it more than you.
The other thing is this causes a lot of anger directed at myself, but I feel helpless in what I can actually do. I push through it, but it's one of those things that sits beneath the surface. I used to convince myself I was just a loner, but even when I want to interact with people I can't enjoy that as much as I'd want to. Well I definitely just vented a whole bunch of stuff that has been on my mind for a while now, hopefully I'll get some catharsis from that. Sorry if I come across as having the whole victim mentality, this has been hard on me for a while now. I know what I have to do, but I'm going to be honest and say I just don't have the courage to do it.
One more thing that has been bothering me lately that is completely irrational. I feel guilty about using subliminals to grow as a person. I don't know why. To me authenticity and "being yourself" is very debatable and I've found on numerous occasions before using these subs that "being myself" was just not cutting it. So why do I feel guilty about having to use something as an aid to improve my life? I guess it's because other guys were born confident or were able to change it on their own, but I needed outside help so I guess I'm a little ashamed of that in a way. But I've always said that it doesn't matter what path you take if they all lead to the same destination. I had so many flaws prior to alpha male that I honestly didn't even have much of personality because of fear, so I guess I can't truly know who I am until I've transcended all the negative beliefs about myself.
Being hyper sensitive also created a chain reaction of events for me growing up. First I was scared, anxious, timid, and people took advantage of that. Then I got angry or was really bitter to people, I remember in high school I'd walk down the hallways and just pick out kids that I thought looked tough and then psyche myself up to fight them. The only way I could mask my sensitivity at that time was rejecting people before they rejected me. Eventually I got to the point where I am now, I'm cold at times and isolated and reluctant to let anyone into my life.
Women especially, they can sense it and I don't want a girl that tries to "fix" me. I was at a party a couple weeks ago with some friends and I was just chilling outside alone. This girl that I know started asking me what was wrong. She could sense it, but I couldn't put it into words. It's one of those things that just sits there in the back of your mind that bothers you every day. It's like having a front that everything is fine on the outside and occasionally your problems slip through in your behavior subconsciously and people pick up on it more than you.
The other thing is this causes a lot of anger directed at myself, but I feel helpless in what I can actually do. I push through it, but it's one of those things that sits beneath the surface. I used to convince myself I was just a loner, but even when I want to interact with people I can't enjoy that as much as I'd want to. Well I definitely just vented a whole bunch of stuff that has been on my mind for a while now, hopefully I'll get some catharsis from that. Sorry if I come across as having the whole victim mentality, this has been hard on me for a while now. I know what I have to do, but I'm going to be honest and say I just don't have the courage to do it.
One more thing that has been bothering me lately that is completely irrational. I feel guilty about using subliminals to grow as a person. I don't know why. To me authenticity and "being yourself" is very debatable and I've found on numerous occasions before using these subs that "being myself" was just not cutting it. So why do I feel guilty about having to use something as an aid to improve my life? I guess it's because other guys were born confident or were able to change it on their own, but I needed outside help so I guess I'm a little ashamed of that in a way. But I've always said that it doesn't matter what path you take if they all lead to the same destination. I had so many flaws prior to alpha male that I honestly didn't even have much of personality because of fear, so I guess I can't truly know who I am until I've transcended all the negative beliefs about myself.
