07-29-2016, 10:32 AM
End stage 1 today. Covers lots of thing. More smooth, less tough, the most enjoyable stage 1 in my sub-history. Detect many Bs things. Both me and others. Value my time more. Be selective about who I will spend time with and what for.
There is thing I see on and off in previous runs, but now it is more clear. Women and men, we are all social conditioning. Like we live together in the jail of belief, for keeping everything "normal". The job of men is connect truly to ourself, getting out of that jail, so that we can lead women, girls step back to her instinct.
We tend to avoid feelings that called bad things, and label that as fear. Like fear of making woman or others fear when we don't say or act what we really want, I now see it as an avoidance, as we don't want to see ourself as bad. But it's just bad in social definition way, in the social-condition zone.
I can feel AM touching the stone of sexual shame in my stomach. Yes, I can joke, talk much about sex, watch tons of JAV, read lots of book, but never really deal with it. Buying condom, learn how to use it correctly... Somewhere in my mind it still a bad thing. Fuck a girl and make her pregnant without marriage is bad, do that and I will get punished from God, karma... I was taught that when a child. Have a thought of fucking, raping, eating some beautie, I tried to cover, hide and avoid it. So it leads to the manipulation manner in my conversation. Recognize it is the first step. Hope it will be fix this run
There is thing I see on and off in previous runs, but now it is more clear. Women and men, we are all social conditioning. Like we live together in the jail of belief, for keeping everything "normal". The job of men is connect truly to ourself, getting out of that jail, so that we can lead women, girls step back to her instinct.
We tend to avoid feelings that called bad things, and label that as fear. Like fear of making woman or others fear when we don't say or act what we really want, I now see it as an avoidance, as we don't want to see ourself as bad. But it's just bad in social definition way, in the social-condition zone.
I can feel AM touching the stone of sexual shame in my stomach. Yes, I can joke, talk much about sex, watch tons of JAV, read lots of book, but never really deal with it. Buying condom, learn how to use it correctly... Somewhere in my mind it still a bad thing. Fuck a girl and make her pregnant without marriage is bad, do that and I will get punished from God, karma... I was taught that when a child. Have a thought of fucking, raping, eating some beautie, I tried to cover, hide and avoid it. So it leads to the manipulation manner in my conversation. Recognize it is the first step. Hope it will be fix this run
