AwesomeYoungDude's Alpha Journal

[Patti]

Stage 4 Week 2 - Week 10 Overcoming Procrastination 4G

If I were to describe the themes of the stages so far I would describe stage 1 - "Envision the future", Stage 2 - "Boot camp, break down, total meltdown", Stage 3 "teenage rebellion, it doesn't matter what it is, just rebel against it" or "bite the hand that feeds you until you get your owners attention and respect of how hard you can bite", Stage 4 - "Taming of the Shrew", or "Transformation, The Beginning"

• Hit a patch of resistance followed by a spike in euphoria.
  
• General increase in positive attitude. This confidence is similar to that reported in my earlier posts, but with more confidence in my future. Success is not a wish or hope, but more an inevitable event. I see as a real possibility the things I previously only wished for.
  
• More and more I'm increasing in productivity and motivation. I'm having stronger desires to get started and done. (The motivation is still way lower than I want, but I'm improving and I still hit patches of resistant.)
  
• Stronger desire to truly live the beliefs, values, and principles that bring integrity. I want to walk the walk of what I talk and belief. I want integrity in my life. I want to know that I'm true to myself. I want to know that I'm the master of my sole. There is no need for me to wear a mask of something that I'm not. I'm working to be the person personified by the mask. Why remove the mask and say hey this is who I am, and I'm now comfortable with that when I can become truly what the mask represents. I'll use consumption of food as an metaphor. If I wanted the world to think that I ate only nutritional food and I wore the mask well and the world believed that I only ate nutritional food, but while no one was looking I consumed whatever I wanted. One approach would be to remove the mask and eat whatever I wanted when ever I wanted. I or a sub could convince myself that I don't need to have good nutrition in order to feel good about myself, but in the end, this approach would not yield what I desire. A un-healthy body that I feel good about. This approach would yield a substandard result because what I want is to have the results and feelings that come from proper nutrition. (I'm not suggesting this is what AM11 does). Instead the approach I want is to remove the mask to allow others to see that I'm not eating as I should, then work towards the goal of total proper nutrition. This removes the guilt of deceit. Its the only approach that will yield the results that I truly desire. Once again the above is an example a metaphor for other things in my life. This approach coupled with my the desired values, and principles will yield what I want, happiness, fulfillment, and peace.
  
• I'm finding that happiness is found in improving the world around me and not just in consuming it for my own satisfaction. When I set about to just satisfy my own desires at the expense of others, I feel hollow and they feel used. Yes, I can continue to find other's whom I can use and others that will allow me to use them, but in time I will consume the resource and be left with nothing. Instead I choose to improve where I am. Thus the world will want to be around me because they are improved by the interaction. I refuse to use others or set the conditions upon which they will and can interact with me. I will improve the world around me. YOU will be a better person for interacting with me.
  
• Less and less caring what the world thinks of me and what I do. Its most important to think good of myself. Let the world think what they will.
  
• Almost no desire to read other threads on the forum. I still read a selected few, but I'm finding other threads to be on a completely different path which I see as leading to paths that I do not want. Sorry to say this but I have better things to do with my time. (I have a personal commitment to some threads and will continue to read and respond).
  
• More present and focused in what I do.
  
• Interesting. I was at a second hand book store and found a technical reference book, the kind of which is normally not available in that book store. The book is in a subject that I'm needing to learn. My thought was it would be great if more books like this would show up here. Funnier still was that later I looked at the same kind of book at a new book chain store. I was tempted to buy one of the books new but did not and instead thought wow wouldn't it be nice it these showed up at the second hand book store. I when back into the second hand book store there they were, three good as new reference books. The same I had looked at earlier that day in the new book store........hmmmmm
  
• Interesting. while studying a technical subject for work, I was studying from a very difficult detailed technical book, the reference bible of it's subject. I thought it would be great if this was available as a PDF, then i would not have to lug this 700 page hard back book around. Normally books of this kind remain in print and are not available for free as a PDF. I searched the web and easily found it's PDF.
  
• Funny looking at my stage 3 (teenage rebellion) posts, I now appreciate those around me who are also trying to make their mark in the world and in the pecking order of life. I will assist them by acknowledging them by finding something to complement them on. Hopefully I'm finished with the "rebel without a cause" phases.
  

Gents, its great to be a life, I have such a great potential to improve the world and those I come in contact with.

Are you saying you’re not reading my threads anymore?! Jeez, once a “goddess” , now a bookend!

Great post as usual!