Yo.

[Rennus]

AM5.. I don't recall what happened during the first run much. But I do remember it made me feel pretty badass - however on the other runs, it didn't do much to fix my deeper issues. It kind of co-existed along with them. But it helped me a lot, I've kind of internalized a lot of it by now so it's hard to remember the precise details. It definitely helped with women though, and life in general, just in places where stubborn issues weren't present. So for instance, attraction, surface-level game like teasing, banter, etc is just natural now, asif I was born with it, despite not practicing much in real-life scenarios. It was very external, not much internal, I feel.

For instance, it didn't help my social anxiety as much when I went out, but I'm pretty sure that's only because those issues were all deep-seated. It helped me a /lot/ on other fronts, but my older, deeper issues didn't go away at all. It's what made me realize just how important conscious control and learning to manage your overall attitude and mindset is in general, because I still managed to make life hard for me due to shitty thinking patterns and habits.

And AM6.. it does shit AM5 just couldn't do for me. Insane experience overall, HEAVY resistance but it isn't the type of resistance that feels like "Oh, my subconscious just doesn't agree with this.." it's more like it brings out all of the garbage my mind was either hiding from me or trying to ignore, and forces me to deal with it. It's done more for me, self-development and self-awareness wise, than anything else did in the past 6 years.. and it's done so in 5 months (I'm on Stage 5 atm)

There's still many issues, many fears, loads of shit overall, but it's put me in a detached sort of mindset where I'm finding it fun to figure out all these various issues and problems, and viewing my mind as a sort of machine that I have to tinker with and figure out. It's worked so well, despite the hardcore resistance, that it's hard to pinpoint stuff. I even got some results out of it so far that I didn't really think of, such as my ability to process things mentally going up, as well as learning speed, and even how well I do at sports and utilize my body in general. My head is just way clearer now.

Overall I feel this run has made it so that it's inevitable that I'll make something great out of myself, because it laid down the framework for my overall views on dealing with problems, setting goals, thinking forward, optimism, self-forgiveness, everything internal.

Dang, that's a long post! I should post it in testimonials or something. Maybe after Stage 6.