04-05-2016, 12:03 PM
Since running WM I've had this big huge urge to quit my job because I could no longer stand it because it's a very low social job, I work overnight so I usually see a few people who work but most of the time I'm alone. I didn't notice this before but ever since having this job my confidence has plummeted, my health and mind has deteriorated, I'm kinda of a mess. I work as a security guard for a building and you would think that would boost your self esteem and confidence because you're the top dawg but nope. It's been the opposite, I can't even be in a huge group without feeling insecure, I don't know why. When I'm in a small group then I'm fine but it didn't use to be that way and it's taken me until this point to figure that out. So I'm guessing one of my fears is quitting my job because of the unknown, even though this job has ficked me up with women too. In Am6 I didn't really think anything of this job but WM has shined light on my fears. Also my one other fear is my brother dating my friend who I no longer see anymore since I work a lot but I get the feeling like once my brother turns 18 then he's going to date my friend who is a girl but we haven't seen each other in a while. I mean what person would be comfortable with their very young brother dating an old flame, a girl that you used to kick it with but went deprecate ways. I've had times when i remember back a few years ago when I had winning literally everywhere in my life and took that for granted, beautiful women too. Also blowing the chances with them because of my Ego. I now realize that I have an opportunity to be better than I was but I need to make the right adjustments. Like any team in a sport, the players must evolve in order to play at the level of the elite. I've been my own coach and pushing myself not to just settle but to be the best version of myself but with that said I haven't been dormant with women lol.
Like last week I was in my class and I was sitting next to the same girl I talked about in previous post( she is like 23-25ish). So I had my microscope and it was connected to a plug near me, and the wire was around my leg. So basically her legs were facing me, crossed and she was shaking her legs and tapping the wire of the microscope that was dangling next to her and I could feel the wire continuously move. It kinda turned me on in a weird way because I felt like she did it intentionally and I think she could tell. But then I thought it's probably nothing so later on while we were talking and I noticed her face kinda turn red after she looked down at me. I couldn't tell if she was looking at my shoes or what. She kinda looked embarrassed too and I was like ok? I didn't really say anything to her. I feel like if I had a hidden camera then I could tell where her eyes were wondering ?
But it's hard to tell with her because one minute she seems kinda cold then next she's warming up to me. Part of that could probably be my fault because I'm not yet comfortable to the point where I can be free to be sexual and escalate with women. I'm not at that point yet where I can just feel free without any anxieties, uncomfortableness etc. I may be giving off conflicting signals. This is always the concern when trying to implement something that is out of your comfort level.
I've also noticed that the dating app that I use has more beautiful women that literally live like a mile away. In the past before wm I would chat with a girl and we'd connect but she lived so far that I made excuses not to meet her. Now I kinda don't have an excuse. I'm talking to this one sexy girl that's a solid 9, super beautiful and I've noticed that she goes out of her way to message me late at night which usually never happens with hot women.
But resistance has been a bitch lately. I just feel like everything is hopeless, I'm not sure what to do, how to change my life. I see my fears consciously now unlike before when it was subconscious and I don't know how to overcome that fear yet. The fear has been there for a long time in my life but I've never tried to address it. I think I'm changing and my subconscious realizes it and it's kinda panicky. Trying to self sabotage me. For ex. I can be talking to a pretty girl and then all of a sudden I realized that I'm talking to a pretty girl and my mind starts bringing up insecurities and so on and it's starting to get super annoying. Definitely this sub is way more difficult then AM6 was.
Like last week I was in my class and I was sitting next to the same girl I talked about in previous post( she is like 23-25ish). So I had my microscope and it was connected to a plug near me, and the wire was around my leg. So basically her legs were facing me, crossed and she was shaking her legs and tapping the wire of the microscope that was dangling next to her and I could feel the wire continuously move. It kinda turned me on in a weird way because I felt like she did it intentionally and I think she could tell. But then I thought it's probably nothing so later on while we were talking and I noticed her face kinda turn red after she looked down at me. I couldn't tell if she was looking at my shoes or what. She kinda looked embarrassed too and I was like ok? I didn't really say anything to her. I feel like if I had a hidden camera then I could tell where her eyes were wondering ?
But it's hard to tell with her because one minute she seems kinda cold then next she's warming up to me. Part of that could probably be my fault because I'm not yet comfortable to the point where I can be free to be sexual and escalate with women. I'm not at that point yet where I can just feel free without any anxieties, uncomfortableness etc. I may be giving off conflicting signals. This is always the concern when trying to implement something that is out of your comfort level.
I've also noticed that the dating app that I use has more beautiful women that literally live like a mile away. In the past before wm I would chat with a girl and we'd connect but she lived so far that I made excuses not to meet her. Now I kinda don't have an excuse. I'm talking to this one sexy girl that's a solid 9, super beautiful and I've noticed that she goes out of her way to message me late at night which usually never happens with hot women.
But resistance has been a bitch lately. I just feel like everything is hopeless, I'm not sure what to do, how to change my life. I see my fears consciously now unlike before when it was subconscious and I don't know how to overcome that fear yet. The fear has been there for a long time in my life but I've never tried to address it. I think I'm changing and my subconscious realizes it and it's kinda panicky. Trying to self sabotage me. For ex. I can be talking to a pretty girl and then all of a sudden I realized that I'm talking to a pretty girl and my mind starts bringing up insecurities and so on and it's starting to get super annoying. Definitely this sub is way more difficult then AM6 was.
