AwesomeYoungDude's Alpha Journal

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Update from the last week of AM11 stage 1.


Walk/Posture:

Walk changed from John Wayne style, which I started during Achieve and Maintain Your Ideal Weight to a Clint Eastwood swagger. Both John Wayne and Clint Eastwood tags came from people I know who noticed the change. Who'd known a positive effect from watching western movies? I wonder if my wife would fall for that excuse this weekend. "But honey I'm only watching this movie for the hundredth time in order to research male swagger role models..."


I walk slower than before the subs, but my walk's speed has increased slightly from its slowest point. It sped up a little when I consciously realized I was intentionally walking slowly to draw attention to myself.


Shoulders are almost always square with a straight back.


Eye Contact:

I no longer need to acknowledge with eye contact everyone who passes by or is in the room. I do not avoid eye contact; I’m just more selective. It’s not the beta posture of avoiding eye contact, its alpha, my attention and time are important and I need not acknowledge everyone.


Continue to improve on the duration of time I make eye contact, but it's still not perfect.


Voice:

I consciously speak with a lower voice. When I'm not thinking about it my voice will revert back to its original pitch and tone.


Dreams:

Although I cannot remember my dreams I'm aware that I'm dreaming multiple times each night. No consistent themes. I guess the zombies know I'm waiting to ambush them so they are staying away. I don't have as many female dreams as those in the +18 section of the forum and when I do they involve my wife.


I'm still having dreams which redefine my past behaviors into a favorable light. I only occasionally remember these dreams so I don't know how often they occur. I'm amazed at how my dreams reframe things...it's quite clever.


OK but get this ...[chuckle to myself]..I had my first dream that was a musical. The songs were about some weird subjects but they were songs. Unfortunately I cannot remember most of the words or rhythm but I do remember thinking these are weird songs and I also remember thinking that the songs were actually songs. [laugh out loud]..


Reduce neediness to have people know I'm there. I no longer need to strike up a conversation, for the purpose of drawing attention to me. The need for external validation, approval, or acknowledgment that I exist has diminished.


At times I'm encouraged about the future, I get a glimpse of what is possible and for short periods of time I'm excited about things but that feeling does not persist.


Lately I'm feeling like I've hit a plateau in progress. I'm looking forward to stage 2.


Memory:

Spelling is improving, but other than that everything is about the same as my last post.


Beta Brainwave Entertainment


Per Shannon's instructions for Beta training I started to listen to Beta in the morning and just after lunch. I have an increase in mental clarity on the days I listened to the beta Brainwave entertainment. I'll take a week off, per instructions, and see what happens.

[Patti]

Very interesting observations Awesome! I personally really like that Clint Eastwood swagger...

I had an idea. How bout after you get done reforming the Alpha man in yourself, you purchase the Poetry of the Silent Eros toolkit and we could compare notes (since there's not many women here to compare with).
I'd be interested in hearing your wife's feedback.

I know many guys use that Alpha sub to attract women to themselves, but this Eros sub may just be what keeps them there..

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Cool, That thread would def need to move to the +18 section.

[Patti]

lmao...yes it would!

[Spiritman]

I am new here to this forum, but I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed reading this thread! This program sounds exactly like what I need, and I will be purchasing it very shortly. AwesomeYoungDude, keep us posted on your results. I can't believe the results you're having all from stage 1.

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Stage 2 week 1
- Tired a lot of the time I just want to veg.
- Started regularly watching TV (Its been a long time since I last watched)
- Lots more unsolicited complements from females.
- More constant use of lower voice. (not yet subconscious)
- More subservient behavior around me (not everyone just more and more).
- More individuals needing to shake my hand.
- Better at communicating why someone's behavior is unacceptable to me.
- More jockeying with my children for dominant roles within the family. Maybe a bit more respect from my Children
- More and more becoming indifferent to what others think about me.
- I'm less and less needing the approval of those who have no influence, meaning, or value to my life short/long term.
- I need not acknowledge my co-workers as they walk past my office.
- Drudging up of old memories that sting when I remember them. I acknowledge that's who I was then but I'm not that person any more nor have I been for a long time. I no longer make the bad decisions I made in my youth. Once I come to terms with that, I literally forget what the memory was (this does not occur with all memories just a few). I tried to remember what was drudged up yesterday and I cannot remember. If I finally do, the memory has little or no sting to it.
- I'm better at knowing what to say and when to say it.
- More and more I'm winning work related differences of opinion. In the past I would not push it. But now when I'm told no I ask why and reiterate my position and the no's are turning into yes.
- I have less and less motivation at work. I decided to switch months between Max memory and Overcome Procrastination 4G. I'll continue to alternate these two subs with each AM stage. (Hopefully Max Memory 4G is out soon).
- More perturbed at stupidity or perceived stupidity around me. Don't try to pull the wool over my eyes. Keep your opinions to yourself and don't try to push your opinion on me. Only my opinion counts.
- Still having cleansing dreams. The dreams are now instructing my mind to cut sections out not just isolated incidents.
- Shannon and Andrew made a cameo in one dream. They came to my house to talk about the subs and the technology. In my dream they were almost as tight lipped about the sub technology as they are in real life (however they did spill a few secrets). OK Shannon/Andrew if you need my expertise you can just send me an email. No need to invade my dreams.
- Slight improvement in mental focus (Not sure if its AM11, Max Memory, or BWE Beta).

Beta
Continue to get regular exposure. Definite improved clarity and focus of mind.

[Patti]

YIKES dude!!! You're scaring me right through my screen! lol I would NOT mess with you if I were anyone in your life!!!!

Sounds like you feel really good about yourself....that's awesome!

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Patti wow, where did you get my picture? Now that I re-read the post I see what you mean.

I still have a lot of insecurities that’s why I'm all “talk to the hand” when someone gives me attitude. I’m in the jerk mode of AM11 (I’ve not been alpha before and the power is going to my head). I was truly a beta male in the past. In my past “fear of confrontation” impeded my interactions with others. I was easily walked all over by others including my older children. The attitude stops in interactions with my wife. She knows I’m changing and cuts me some slack. She is strong and caring. She is not protective and wants me to grow. We have a great loving relationship of which the roles are established and power is equal otherwise the marriage would not work. We both hope the final version awesomeyoungdude is more like “Bond…James AwesomeYoungDude Bond. But for the mean time it appears that my interaction with the rest of the world is attempting to assert my place in the pecking order.

Because I’m not use to asserting my alphaness, my reactions are awkward at best. I expect that later stages of AM11 will instill a more polished response as opposed to the current “talk to the hand” mentality/jerk mode.

[Patti]

We never really know how things come through the computer on the other end. But never thought you were speaking about your immediate family. I could tell from the very first post I read of yours that you treasure your wife and your marriage. I was more referring to your co-workers, possibly your kids, the guy who cuts in front of you at the convenience store…lol….those were the one’s I feared for their life.

To me, there’s such a fine line between things like confidence and cocky or even being helpful and being walked on. I am a very helpful person and some people may think I get walked on but I’m only helpful to the people that appreciate it. And I think one of the reasons we get walked on or over is a fear of being aggressive. Being aggressive is a good thing as long as one is intelligently aggressive. It’s when we fumble over our words trying to demand what we want that I think we most are trying to avoid. But it certainly doesn’t sound like you’re having this issue. Standing up for yourself and what you want can be very empowering….and just plan feels good! I’m glad you’re seeing positive results.

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Stage 2 week 2-3

Motivation at Work:
- Week 2 temp improved motivation at work. Not sure if it's AM11, Overcome Procrastination, or BWE beta.
- Week 3 major improvement in motivation at work with spurts of euphoria.

Confidence
- An increase in my confidence. (My thoughts are more and more the expression "I can do this" or "I'm good at this")

Interaction with Others
- More eye aversion from others that I thought were alpha. Now many keep their eyes looking down or avert their eyes.
- More manager and key company players are acknowledging me as we pass in the hall.
- Starting to lose some of my previous indifference at work knowing that every action as a reaction.
- to clarify my last post I need not acknowledge everyone that walks past my office with eye contact. I do not need to look up at them as the walk by. If they engage me with a conversation I'm cordial and talk.
- less and less snappy responses less of a joker needing to say the funny line to get a laugh. Previously this was my way of getting attention.
- Reduction in the self deprecating humor.

Dream:
- I've had a few dreams in which I acted like an alpha male mentally, physically, and emotionally (feels good).

Neediness
- Week 2 Big time neediness. I got to the point of wanting to compare the number of views per day of my thread verses the views of others threads. My self talk was as follows: "Why am I not important why don't the forum gods (the main players) comment on my posts." "The form goddesses comment but not the main players." But then I ask my self, why am I posting. Am I posting for purely selfish reasons. Hmmmmmm.
- Week 3 I'm not as needy. I care that others are not commenting but I'm starting to care less. I'm starting to not need validation from the forum.
- Reduction in the number of other threads that I have a desire to read.

[Patti]

I’m hoping that I be one of the goddess’s you are referring too, she says, batting her eyelashes! Snicker.. And even though I’m not the god’s to be, I’d like to give my input anyway. This in no way is criticizing or even evaluating your journalizing, but simply my observation of why perhaps you’re receiving or not receiving the comments you desire.

When I read your posts, although I am very interested in the progress you are making or even the struggle you are having, it very much comes off like a science project. Understandably, or so I think, your evaluations are stated as to help Shannon continue and improve his magnificent work. Kuddos!

However, most of us here and in life relate to each other via stories and experience’s. The people in this forum have been an endless tool for me to use to help myself get through some rough patches. When I have an effect that I feel is directly from the sub, I find myself reading through thousands (ok, that just exaggerated but you know what I mean) until I find someone’s story that I can relate to and thus makes me feel normal (for the sake of a better word, cause I can’t stand the word normal!). It’s make me and my emotions feels validated.

I applaud your efforts of hinting to the class that you may need some of your own validation but in life, if you want to meet the person in front of you, you extend your hand and introduce yourself. This forum is basically no different. I do think most of the guys are doing the same program that you are on and when reading your posts, may be shaking their heads in agreement but saying, “yes, awesome, I know how you feel”, can probably get quite redundant.

So my suggestion for you would be to keep giving Shannon what he needs by posting exactly how you are and then maybe writing a separate post under it containing some small story about how the effects of the sub are actually effecting the way you live your life. I have found myself actually signing on to read someone’s post of how it’s going or what happened with last night date, that when they don’t I feel slightly bummed haha. That’s probably neediness in my own sense of needing to hear others stories to know that my life with these subs is somewhat on the right course. But whatever it is, these people have given me a reason to keep continuing to listen when it’s been sometimes very hard to do just that.

So, with that said, please be one of my reasons! I’d be even more interested in hearing your stories, even though I’m not a god!

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Thanks Patti, yes you are not a god...just one of the forum goddesses.

[Ryan]

Don't let her nice criticism fool you, she is brainwashing her entire family after all ;P
You'll begin noticing a decrease in that neediness in a few weeks but don't worry I'm not on this forum so much anymore that I really don't get many chances to read everything. Perhaps, you should move this forum to the Men's section it would be easier to find.

Ryan

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Patti, Ryan,

Thanks for your posts. I greatly appreciate them and your continued support.

I hesitated to post that. Its posting was a cry for help, but not really. That level of neediness was long gone at the time of posting. I posted it in order for others to see what specifically was happening to me. That's how my life was before. My level of insecurity and neediness drove me. Its posting was to allow others to see that, its OK to have those feelings. It does not mean I'm defective. It also means that I'm experiencing resistance. Over time the reader should see a change.

Neediness and insecurity is one of the reasons I'm listening to AM11 and its doing its job. That form of resistance (needing validation from others) is decreasing.

Ryan,

I'm also having the ups and downs you are. With each down, I have greater ups.

Andrew requested that I move from the 18+ section (where I originally posted) to the user section so the masses could see an Alpha journey without the colorful posting of the 18+ section. Really Ryan I'm in the witness protection program and both my name and location have changed. Now that you know that...I'll have to move......aaagain. I have noticed several forum goers, including myself, who are less on the forum. Most of those are using Alpha.

Patti,
Thanks for the suggestion.