(10-26-2015, 05:15 PM)apollolux Wrote:(10-26-2015, 04:30 PM)maxx55 Wrote: I approached a girl that I had talked to before on campus but didn't exchange numbers with. I talked with her today and I asked if she wanted to hang out. She hesitated. Then I said "you don't have to if you don't want to". Then she made it clear that she has a bf but she is down to hang out in a group.
First mistake was "wanted to hang out," this masks your intent. Be more direct, like "have a drink" or something more definitive than "hang out." Second mistake was "you don't have to if you don't want to." You sensed her hesitation and you backed down from continuing as if she was actually open. The bf may indeed exist, but you gave her reason to make an excuse, as the hesitation could easily have been her testing you. This wasn't that bad, but you definitely made mistakes here.
(10-26-2015, 04:30 PM)maxx55 Wrote: Later, I saw this ridiculously hot girl across the street heading in the opposite direction. I crossed the street and started trying to catch up (I naturally walk slower than most people so that was a challenge). I finally do when we're at the garage and walking up the stairs. I just say that I like her hair and she says thank you. Then I ask her what her name is and I told her mine. She just said nice to meet you. And the whole time she kept on walking without stopping. And it almost seemed like she sped up going to her car, I just acted like I was going to my car in another part of the garage. I felt nervous. And afterwards I straight up felt embarassed, ashamed, frustrated, and angry. I just want to **** hot girls!!! God!
You essentially had stalker-lite behavior here. She kept walking without stopping, which should mean she wasn't receptive to what you were offering, which was "I like your hair" (which could be interpreted differently depending on how you said it). If you feel she sped up towards her car you should have also picked up on that as a "no," since she probably also picked up on the fact that you felt nervous and then embarrassed, ashamed, etc. This was straight up horrible, and you probably need to work on being congruent (aka DON'T fake confidence that isn't there).
I do agree with you about the first one. The thing is that's just what came out in the moment. Usually, I definitely try to mention something specific and say let's do x. For example, if she likes sushi, I'll say let's go to x sushi place that's awesome. I just couldn't think anything. Also, by just saying that she doesn't have to, I feel like I am making it easy for her to just say no. I'm seeing if she'll on her own decide to say yes
About the second one, let me be more clear. Everything that was said, was said before she started heading to her to her car. And I felt nervous while I talked with her. It wasn't until after she seemed like she was speeding up to her car that I felt so terrible and ashamed and frustrated etc. Interaction was over by that point. It's the fact that happened that I felt like that and I normally don't really feel like that.
But there's some nervousness sometimes when I approach, but it goes away after a minute or so of starting the interaction
