mat422 alpha journal

[mat422]

There is no spiritual thing in being humble and letting people walk all over you and being afraid.It's an excuse you tell yourself to the reason you act like this.When you are afraid and act submissive it's not humility,it's fear.
And that's passiveness,not spirituality.

Definitely man, I've been a coward most my life and I used to rationalize with being "spiritual" and being super passive about everything. This describes me perfectly.

A realization I had a couple of weeks ago was that a large part of who I thought my identity was, was nothing more than the symptoms from Social Anxiety, nice guy persona, no/low self esteem and depression. It’s pretty unnerving when you think about it, because you realize that you don’t a real clue to who you really are. A part is now suddenly missing… But still, it are only roles you act and play out, it are only reactions to certain situations, it doesn’t make you who you are. But then again, what really does?

It's crazy now that I actually look at it from a new perspective. I suffered from a lot of what you describe and it makes me realize that I never really had free will. A lot of stuff held me back and I internalized it as my identity in order to get away from the emotional trauma associated with it.

A few nights ago I was laying in my bed and I suddenly had the feeling of not knowing who I was. It wasn't a conscious thought, more like an awareness. It really shook me up and made me grateful for the fact that I am making deep changes in myself. It just amazes me how we tend to hold onto the negative more than accepting positive change because it seems unfamiliar.

I'll check out that book too. I've noticed since starting this subliminal I tend to put myself first, but not to the point where I am super selfish. Just enough so I realize that I'm just as important as everyone else.

[Benjamin]

Interesting that is the same reason I quit the sedona method.

There was this belief in it if somebody ever pushed your buttons or made you angry to just let it go, let go of wanting to control them etc and send them love.

I tried it for a while and I felt I become more passive and weak. And I tried it with girls and just 'letting it go' without calling them out, didn't help things at all.

And I also have noticed that alot of people that are very 'spiritual' that there is something very weird about them, something really off and I don't want to be like that.

Have a look at Echkart Tolle. Why is there always this weirdness and the really slow voice in spiritual people, I don't want to be like that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPg9DnMP2D4

There's been alot of teachers, especially in the pua world that in the past I have stopped listening to when I have seen them, because they don't seem confident or dominant at all.

[Spiral]

Eckhart Tolle has achieved the highest level of confidence anyone could have in this lifetime. He may not exude dominance but he exudes a knowing human being who lives with intention. That's all you need.

btw Spiritual people have this special power where they can literally get love from anyone everywhere they go. It's not a passive thing but more of a strength of mind thing. And whether you like it or not people respect that alot. They may not feel that way but it's always in the back of their mind and they will always remember that person. because he/she was so "weird"

[Roy]

I use the release technique which is similar to the sedona method.While it does teaches to let go of wanting control,approval and feelings it does
so to get to a place of no reactivity and automatic responses.

It not about just letting go and stopping to use your common sense.
You can call girls on their behavior just without the getting angry at them and let whatever going to happen happen without projecting our expectations and lack on the situation which will eventually which will lead to less than optimal results.

We get swept away in other people's drama and negativity because we have negative feelings and emotional lacks.If people were happy and fulfilled they wouldn't play those games.

It's more like if someone slaps you,you can turn your head to the other side and get slapped again or you can kick their ass,but it's more of a conscious choice.

[Ryan]

There's been alot of teachers, especially in the pua world that in the past I have stopped listening to when I have seen them, because they don't seem confident or dominant at all.

That's because its' not natural confidence. They have to build it up slowly, over time through experience and they only get a boost once they have result, which can be hard to get.

[mat422]

Eckhart Tolle has achieved the highest level of confidence anyone could have in this lifetime. He may not exude dominance but he exudes a knowing human being who lives with intention. That's all you need.

btw Spiritual people have this special power where they can literally get love from anyone everywhere they go. It's not a passive thing but more of a strength of mind thing. And whether you like it or not people respect that alot. They may not feel that way but it's always in the back of their mind and they will always remember that person. because he/she was so "weird"

Eckhart Tolle's message is good, but his teachings are only one part of the equation. What I did gain from spiritual teachings is being non-judgemental. I am more at peace with everyone, even if they are a jerk, and I don't react defensively to it. It has helped me stay present and fully feel my presence as a human being. I encourage everyone to let go of resistance and just be in the present moment, it opens your eyes and lets you see what is truly happening.

However, it is not the cure all, it is not the answer to all your problems or the world's problems and this is why I believe the marketing behind Eckhart Tolle is more damaging than helpful. People tend to take this advice and use it as a means to escape current reality instead of improving themselves. They rationalize that their desires are merely the ego and they should just let them go. They think they gain "spiritual freedom" but what they do is define themselves through spirituality and not who they truly are. It breeds passivity, and a cult-like mentality that everything is fine as it is. They keep waiting for some divine state where human consciousness will ascend and we will all live in peace and harmony.

I've come to more of an understanding that a lot of spiritual teachings get misinterpreted as "deny the problems of the world, hide from them, people just need to become more enlightened." When it really should be about teaching others through non-aggression the error of their ways. The problem is a lot of people who turn to spirituality lack the confidence in the first place to confront people and use spirituality as an excuse to remain passive.

Again it's not the teachings, but mostly the interpretation of the teachings that causes the problems. A man who donates a large sum of money to a charity is more spiritual in my eyes than a man who discusses how "we are all one", but takes no action to prove his words.

[Spiral]

I agree that this stuff is very well misinterpreted so just think buddha

[Cortez]

Eckhart Tolle has achieved the highest level of confidence anyone could have in this lifetime. He may not exude dominance but he exudes a knowing human being who lives with intention. That's all you need.

btw Spiritual people have this special power where they can literally get love from anyone everywhere they go. It's not a passive thing but more of a strength of mind thing. And whether you like it or not people respect that alot. They may not feel that way but it's always in the back of their mind and they will always remember that person. because he/she was so "weird"

I can attest to that. I used to meditate a lot. Like, sometimes for four hours at a time and would reach these states of absolute bliss. I had great "karma" if you want to call it that at that point in my life. I lived in a very sketch apartment complex at the time where the police had to arrest someone every single night. I never had any problems whatsoever. Everyone treated me very well and everything seemed to go my way. However, it didn't fix my problems with women, nor did it make me any more dominant. I meditated so much BECAUSE I was hoping it would fix my social anxiety and help me to better my life. It uprooted a huge amount of deep seated issues and did a tremendous amount of good for my mental health, but it made me way more passive and I didn't like that. I still reccomend meditation as a supplement to what we do. It works really well in conjunction with the alpha male set and the states that you can reach if you meditate enough are some best feeling states I personally have ever entered. It's definitely worth dedicating at least 20 minutes when you wake up in the morning.

[mat422]

1/19/11

Woke up today very tired. As the day progressed I started getting a major tension headache. So I laid down for a couple hours just relaxing my body and trying to relieve tension as much as possible. During this time I had a lot to think about.

I remembered back in middle school I got a girlfriend because everyone thought it was the cool thing to do. I never really understood why I dated the girl, all I know is that she was absolutely crazy about me. I figured I would give it a shot and let her go out with me lol. I was an incredibly quiet kid and had a ton of anxiety, so I'm sure I was very indifferent in her eyes. I didn't like talking on the phone, I barely hung out with her because it was nerve racking, I had no experience with girls so I had no idea what I was doing. Still she pretty much chased me.

It just made me wonder because even at that age I had self doubts. She would shower me with compliments and I'd just think she was lying or something. It just makes me wonder why some of us self-sabotage ourselves. As humans we are capable of so many things, but most people don't pursue their dreams or never live up to their potential. I remember when I was in high school I just felt like a failure. I didn't have evidence or proof that I was, I just felt like one.

About a year ago I designed my own tattoo. I wanted something personal, something nobody else had, and something that came directly from my own mind. Anytime I feel like giving up I just look at my tattoo and remember that it is a promise to always do my best. It is a badge I gave myself, and I have to prove to myself everyday that I deserve it by never giving up.

I believe some people do have it easier than others. Enjoying life to the fullest never came easy to me and I'd always look around and wonder how people do it. It always seemed automatic for them, whereas I'd struggle. But with this subliminal things are slowly being put into perspective for me. It's like I am able to see things that weren't there before. I'm realizing that beliefs really are an important factor to happiness, and it's just so simple and at the same time so complicated. I just hope in the future research will discover more about the human mind and its complexities.

[Shannon]

Being at peace within yourself, and without unnecessary attachment, being conscious of what and where and when, and your actions... will allow you to exist without being affected by others negatively.

I have been working on this myself for a long time, and I am a lot further along than I was, but every so often I look at what I am doing and realize I am being "unconscious" again. Getting angry, negative, complaining, judgmental, critical. Then I try to bring myself back to center and disconnect from all that negativity.

Being at peace does seem to make you very passive, but it is not genuinely passivity. It is non-affectation; that is, not being affected by, drawn into, the negativity around you. The stimulus to response isn't there, so you don't act on it. Just as you don't react visually to infrared light, or ultraviolet light, because your naked eye does not perceive them.

The initial result of disconnecting and consciousness is a state of lack of action to much of what was react-able stimulus, so it seems more passive. But once you have mastered disconnection from it, you begin to realize that there are entirely new worlds of things that you can now interact with, and act on. It just takes time to see them at first because we are always so used to the old way, the negativity, and seeing only that.

There's nothing that says you cannot be active within the world while being unaffected the the negativity of the world around you. It's just a stage in which you are learning to think, see and experience the world in a new and different way.

[mat422]

1/21/11

First day back to college. I had some anxiety pretty much all day, so I'm worn out. I noticed that I didn't really care as much what others were thinking about me during class. I spoke out a lot more than I normally would and everyone else seemed a little shy compared to me. Still the physical effect of anxiety is pretty obnoxious. My mouth gets really dry and I get dehydrated a lot faster. The constant anxiety sucks because it's like my body is in overdrive and using up more juice than it needs to.

It's a lot better than it was though. Considering this is a new class, new professor, new people, I did pretty well. In the past I'd usually be so focused on the anxiety and try to relieve some of it by being more present, but today it was manageable.

On a side note, college textbooks. Talk about ridiculous. The textbook I need for my class is $160, I'm going to try to get it used. Those publishing companies are evil, not every person that goes to college can afford that. I'm only taking 4 classes, but if each book costs me $100 that's some serious money spent. Some of my professors are going to have to wait, there is no way I'm running out to buy a new copy of a textbook for such an overpriced fee. Especially when the only thing new in the latest edition is usually the questions and not the actual content of the book. So much greed in this country, why isn't education free?

[Shannon]

Why isn't education free? You answered your own question: there's a profit to be made. Capitalism at work. Profit driven marketplace. Hand in hand with the bankers who then loan you the money and profit for 20-50 years. It's just about as bad as insurance companies who take $50 a month from 5,000,000 people and then pay out 10% of that for their claims... the companies they pay (repair, etc.) charge them what they will pay, which is a lot more than what a normal person could afford. The result? You now NEED insurance, because you simply cannot afford to get the repairs without it. Same with medical insurance, etc. Isn't it a beautiful thing?

I think higher education is free in some countries (Germany comes to mind, but not sure) if you're a citizen and have good grades. In the US, it isn't and probably never will be free.

[Solont]

Have you looked into textbook lending services like Chegg?

[Shannon]

Half dot com is also a place you might benefit from looking. Sorry, forgot about that in my little rant...