Ike's AM 5.0 Journey

[brightike]

So today I was told a few things about my body language. That I'm a coiled spring and I'm relaxed outside of that. That my energy is like a hummingbird in a glass jar and that I automatically take a protective "guardian" stance when I'm talking to some men.

[lokko]

Stage 5, Day 27,

Started talking to people out of the blue yesterday and just as fast as the garbage came into my head it was gone. I've been worlds more engaging with people today. Actually friendly and such. I slept with speakers for the first time in months and really enjoyed now much more focused I felt this morning. I have figured out and committed to what I'm going to do next. I have already purchased BIATBW and DAOS. Found out today that I am, on average, only attracted to about 1-2 girls in 40. That might be my problem... Not enough ladies that I'm attracted to cross my path. Looking forward to the next step of the journey.

Check to see if your attraction is really based on insecurities and beliefs you tell yourself. Like for example: "not having enough of money, not enough funny, I'm not tall enough, I don't have tattoos and she likes tattoos " etcs

[brightike]

Thanks Lokko, appreciate the feedback/advice. I'll watch for it. I have noticed that I'm actually pretty negative and when I finish this final stage I'm either going to go BIATBW/ PTPA or EPRHA.

[brightike]

Stage 6, day 2

Woke up and I left me motivation in my dreams. I had no desire to do much of anything today. Could be the overwhelming amount of garbage food I ate yesterday and not the program at all. I'm finding that my subconscious is fighting using a side program. Today it was telling me that I need to switch off of Seek The Challenge and onto Ultra Motivation. Started tapping again today to help combat some of the day to day.

[brightike]

Stage 6 day 3, STC Day 14 ~

Leaped out of bed this morning and did a 1/2hr run (haven't ran in a yearish) followed by my typical convict conditioning. I feel incredible. Believe I started to feel the fringes of STC. On the AM front, was irritated with peoples games, stupid questions, etc. think this is the intro into Stage 6 polishing/ stabilizing.

I've come to the conclusion that with the supplemental programs my subconscious gives me a crappy day to test my level of commitment to it. If I waver, I change programs and nothing happens or to be more accurate, all the energy that was put into setting the side program into place gets wasted and I'm left with less energy, not feeling like I have accomplished anything. At the same time feeling relieved because I don't have to deal with what my mind knows is coming.

[brightike]

These last couple of days I've been freaking out if none of my friends text me or try to get a hold of me. Kinda weird actually because I thought I had this handled (was a problem all the time before AM 5.0)

[MadTheReaper]

These last couple of days I've been freaking out if none of my friends text me or try to get a hold of me. Kinda weird actually because I thought I had this handled (was a problem all the time before AM 5.0)

Hey Ike,

I had the exact same problem. Probably you don't have to worry because everybody gets busy sometimes or does not feel very social. Make sure you don't become needy and insecure towards your friends and not even complain. At least that worked for me. Good luck.

[brightike]

Phew, thanks I thought that I was broken and the sub wasn't working on me properly. Thanks MadTheReaper. Appreciate it!

[brightike]

Stage 6, day 6

People are staring at me. Men, women, it doesn't matter. Starting to see the holes that AM5 left because there was too much work to do. If I wasn't going through AM6 after a run of BIABW then I would restart AM5 immediately.

After reflecting on what Lokko said it has come to this. I'm only attracted to 1 in 20 women because I have a standard of perfection for myself. My skin doesn't have to be perfect, but pretty close. I can't be too heavy or too skinny or I start freaking out and doing drastic things to gain/lose weight. Take ephedrine or copious amounts of green tea to lose (including existing physical fitness. That is a constant). Eat stupid amounts of food and calories to gain. Today I threw out my "emergency pack" of ephedrine at I have carried around since January "just in case" I got low on energy and couldn't finish what I was doing to my standard due to low calories.

Just thought I'd share that

[lokko]

Great standard, however where did this standard of perfection come into play, do you remember how it came about and why? For my own curiousity, I like to "act" as if I'm a psychologist sometimes, it's nice to know how others think, over what I would have assumed.

[brightike]

I've been feeling more insecure since I started stage 6. I'm 7 days in and I feel like I did in stage one. It's brutal, I'm almost thinking.. I can't finish this, but I know I have to. Ugh


Shannon - Could I be feeling like crap in this stage because I'm not following through with the challenges in my life? As in will AM5/STC make you feel bad till you follow through?

[brightike]

Stage 6, Day 8,

Was still feeling unmotivated today until I was standing in line at the theater (this is my coping mech when things are rough... Heavy Exercise, followed by cinematic adventure) and I ran in to this awesome couple who I started chatting it up with. I missed that so much I didn't even realize. Lately though I've been shifting the conversation with girls to sex and this drives them away... Surprise surprise. Really have to work on interacting with people without sex.

I said random shit to this couple that the lady said she would have smacked me for. Not sex. Just calling her out on her bull****. Moving forward though and super stoked about it.

[brightike]

Stage 6, Day 10,

Mid morning yesterday I could feel that I shifted over to the AM core programming stage. Pure self reliance, irritated with people's bs, but more refined than the first time around. Went out for my work friend's birthday. One of the guys kept trying to get me to go around the room and talk to girls, but I would have none of that as I was there for my friend. Not typical at all. It was a great feeling to not get that itch for a girl or a neediness that was ever present in the past. Just content in my space (but I better have lots of it lol). NOW stage 6 is shaping up to what everyone promised. So excited!

[brightike]

Subconscious or lazy side of my brain is still trying to get me to change my side sub. Maybe it's the desire for instant gratification that drives this as I'm not even close to the 32 day mark let alone allowed STC to run it's course. It keeps trying to push me to PTPA, OGSF, US, Get Debt Free., Let go of Past Relationships, Forgive Yourself, etc. So it seems like EPRHA or just right into AM6 is in order after AM5. Probably too much f***** up stuff going on in my head that need to be healed/fixed.