Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear

[Natious]

Using anti-depressants is not necessarily a bad thing, I don't use them since I feel like there's a possibility that I will stop trying to get to the root of the problem if I get too complacent with the effects which then will be my addiction.
Depression isn't really something that we are born with, have you ever seen a depressed 3 year old? It's something that has been built up with different kind of beliefs about life. And there's also the chemical imbalance in the brain, which seems to me is misunderstood by too many people that think buying more is the end solution to their depression and then they become dependent on them.
Good luck on your journey and I'm sure that you can get to where you want to.

[JackOfHearts]

Yeah I can see where you're coming from in regards to that comic. I'm not sure if you notice too many positive effects from these subs but what really helped me was to let go of my current mindstate and thinking try to completely flip it around. Go against what you think is right and just have the program do it's thing. Lose all self serving thoughts and just allow your mind to be open. This is just temporary. You might feel like you've lost yourself or feel exposed for a few minutes but I guarantee it helps with any resistance you might have and you can feel the comfort in knowing that the program is helping you in all areas of your life.

Thanks

Fonzy

I definitely notice positive effects, so I'm thankful for that. That's usually the approach I try to take. It can be difficult though when I get stuck, these days I try to stay out of my head as much as possible. I realized letting go and trying to let go are two completely separate things.

If I were you, I'd read the comments for that comic.

Seems like a LOT of people see the comic the same way you do.

Here's a secret: EVERYONE is f*cking depressed, ALL the time. I recently realized that it's always the people who act like their life is the greatest who you find out are miserable bastards, while people like me, are just miserable all the time. Heck, I feel like I'm 2 steps away from suicide most days. But if you can DWELL on that feeling, really accept it, there's an amazing power.
The strength to be weak.

You're not flawed, you're human.

Well I think it's more likely that depressed individuals looked for the comic and that's what I'm seeing in the comments. There are a lot of depressed individuals, but it's not everyone. And then there's depressed and clinical depression, people tend to mix those up.

I don't know about dwelling on the feeling. That's actually been something I've had to train out of myself. If by acceptance you mean acknowledging it's there and to just keep moving forward, I agree with you.

You might be interested in this documentary. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1613092/

They say 50% of your happiness is genetic. I know it's hard to imagine but some people really are happy, for no reason whatsoever. The idea that EVERYONE is depressed is a huge generalization. I used to think like you. But I was experiencing a lot of cognitive dissonance. It was easier for me to believe that everyone was miserable than accept the fact that some people really aren't. That's hard to come to terms with, especially if you've lived most of your life with depression. And on top of that if you are depressed your interpretation of events are very skewed and you may project onto other people. You may see more misery than there actually is.

It's a comforting thought knowing other people are miserable, but it's not true. Misery loves company.

Absolutely enjoyed reading your journals, my thought processing is similar in a way and even if I'm not in a perfect place right now I can tell you one thing. Don't believe everything that people say, if someone says something that a huge population follows doesn't make it any more true.

There are people that are not depressed and you can overcome depression. I haven't read Shannon's full story but he had been depressed for a long time and now he seems to be doing rather well. I have overcome depression in a house full of depressed people and although I have somewhat fallen down back to that hole I know for certain that I can get out of it.

When people sell me some sort of their version of the life's truth I do consider it and take what I can, but thank god I stopped taking it so literally all the time. You said you have tried getting out of the depression multiple times but somehow came back to some problems consistently, maybe you never had the right tools, maybe that or that or that. What you believe is your freedom of choice, just choose the beliefs that help you keep your faith in yourself and your growth.

Thanks. That's definitely a life lesson I've learned over the years, I think that comes with self confidence and realizing my opinions are just as valid as anyone else

My long term goal is to beat depression, but I've also accepted that might not be a possibility. As long as I can manage it and pursue the things I want in life I'll be ok.

Yeah. I just recently got on anti-depressants, which have always been my last resort. But I've read they have really turned some people's lives around. And I figured it's about time to try something different. Worst case scenario if I don't like how they make me feel and I ween myself off of them. But I've got to at least try.

I used to think like that too. Like there were no happiness in this world and only fake happiness. I had a screwed belief system.
The problem is that until with experience happiness we are so jealous that we prefer to say people are faking it. And we can't relate to this happiness so we think it doesn't exist.

Have you tried "the happiness and joy" sub Mat. I don't see a lot of people talking about this one. But it seems to be a very good one by his Title.

[SargeMaximus]

I used to think like that too. Like there were no happiness in this world and only fake happiness. I had a screwed belief system.
The problem is that until with experience happiness we are so jealous that we prefer to say people are faking it. And we can't relate to this happiness so we think it doesn't exist.

Hmm, maybe this is why people seem to hate me when I'm in a good mood, and like me when I'm in a bad mood. Worth thinking about. Perhaps the key is to extend your arm and bridge the gap. Bring your happiness to the other person as a means of sharing, rather than flaunting.

[mat422]

I don't keep up on my posts as much as I did in the past. Honestly I've never been much of an openly sharing type of guy. But I figured I had some stuff on my mind and if people catch an insight off it that's cool.

Been on antidepressants for about 4 weeks now. The jury is still out if I need these long term or if I can get off of them some time later. Either way I've noticed improvements in my life. Small stuff, probably imperceptible to most people, but huge progress for me. My life still isn't really together, but I've been able to put way more energy into fixing that.

Despite depression seeming like a mental problem, long term depression physically changes the brain. The amygdala actually grows and the hippocampus shrinks. This means more fear and decreased ability to think clearly and sort out that chaos. I'm beginning to suspect my high levels of resistance were actually due to my long term depression throwing my amygdala into a hyperreactive state. Sometimes I forget that behind all that thinking and stuff is a physical structure that can be damaged. But luckily all of it can be reversed as well.

And I've realized why a lot of my posts seemed like a dog chasing it's tail in the past. The number one thing that makes depression worse is rumination. Unfortunately I tend to have a very introspective mind and I want answers and solutions. To me it was like trying to solve a puzzle with a missing piece, it drove me mad. It wasn't until I got on antidepressants and realized that you can't think yourself out of clinical depression. If you try to it only makes things worse. You just have to take action. Depression sucks, but the world keeps on spinning and you can't fall behind. Big duh for most people, but antidepressants actually gave me the ability to take action.

Ideally I'd like to solve all my issues using subliminals or without medication. But seeing as how I've been at this for 3 years and still feel like I'm having issues, I gave medication a shot. The hard part is nobody has the answers. I've actually even begun to question if negativity is actually removed from the individual's mind when they use a subliminal. Or if it's more like an overwriting with positive or neutral feelings. I seem to have more success with subs that instill new behavior than ones that remove old.

[Spiral]

Mat, good for you for making some change. I have a feeling the anti depressants can help you break out of your shell more. The answers are available. You just have to know where to look.

Anti-depressants didn't work for me but a good dose of reality lately has helped me tremendously. Keep at it and hopefully you make strong strides and remove the anti-depressants from your life soon. They can only help up to a certain point.

[mat422]

After a long debate with myself I've decided to drop the EPRH sub. I don't know if it's resistance or my brain not being able to keep up with the demands of 5G or a combination of both. All I know is it's not doing me any favors at this point. Part of me says to keep going and push past the resistance, that's assuming it is resistance. I might just be overtaxing my brain and burning out.

I forgot how long I've been using this sub. But it's been a decent amount of time, so it's not like I didn't give it an honest shot. I saw some benefits, but overall I just don't have the energy for it.

[Spiral]

I say keep with it.

[mat422]

I say keep with it.

You're right. I have to keep going. I've overcome rough patches like this in the past, so I should be able to do it again.

I can never tell what's good for me vs the resistance getting the better of me. But I guess if I stop listening I'll stop moving forward.