**Jake's Overcoming Fear v.3 5.75.7G Journal**

[Jake2015]

Jake, I have concluded that your pattern of behavior and history of 100% failure with everything prior to OFv3, and your efforts to sabotage v3, point to you being one of those rare people who is here not to actually improve, but to get attention instead.  And your learned behavior for getting attention is failure and helplessness.  

Im unaware what fears have been touched or dealt with by this sub so far but I'm not at the half way 90 days stage yet and Im aware im still trying to find that sweet spot for me but I'm hoping by day 90 to really see something concrete so 17days left till then. I will thus stay on 4 loops as mentioned for another cycle and then not sure how to progress so will see.

If dreams are any indicator then it seems I was getting results at 1 loop US, 2 loop US, 3 loop US, I think. Unsure if hybrid has done anything but hey im seldom able to see for myself whats happening.

Good idea.  

Jake, you're so "aware" of your fears, I'd think you'd be able to see where they've been reduced.  Instead, you substitute some fear you feel or think about to focus on, while other fears have clearly improved.  That's a clear example of willful ignorance.   I hope you realize @Shannon is giving you some tough love.  It's time to buck up, buckle down, and make progress.

LFG!

thanks @RTBoss. I had noticed dreams yes as mentioned in the parts you quoted. Im aware of the MAJOR and more important fears such as those around career yes as this has hounded me all my life it seems. Insects too and then there are those fears I'm aware of that Im not seeing often just when circumstances puts me in that trajectory such as say heights. 

Other fears I'm unsure of as I don't life in a conscious awareness of my fears. 

All I'm trying to do is follow shannon's instructions in trying to find that sweet spot. He said listen to hybrid and increase after each ARSB2 as I proceeded to do only then to be told that no stay on 4 loops a but longer so I'm going to do that. Im unaware of what my sweet spot for this sub is.

As has been told to me many times I have 'self delusion' type resistance so if that is true and I'm unaware of the success of this sub so be it surely that means continue until 180th day and see back what has changed? 

What I've noticed is as soon as 1 thing is mentioned in my journal everyone seems to jump on saying it is an indicator of success. I cant be so because I am aware that such moments have occurred in the past even without this sub. For me its what is clear to me and my experience that will reveal that sub has worked. 

For example dreams I have acknowledged is a success because I don't always notice dreams and noticed them more so far on OF3.

I am so far studying, but I have spent 2-3months maybe longer intending to do this as I come to the end of my degree, which indicates my pattern as a procrastinator. the fear has propelled me into action. I also know that constantly focusing on how to study best and do whatever I can drew to a close and now I had to take action and luckily I found the action to be easier than reading a book for hours on end. 

However the fears I'm aware of and what I want the sub to clear are the ones I always mention, which to me are the big deal to be cleared by day 180 which are career related, whether that be studying even from a book to emailing and calling organisations etc. Some days I'm courageous and get this done (before OF3) and most times I'm not. Another fear would be spiders and insects at home. The day when I can not even care about them would show me ok you have no fear of these either. Heights and the rest I cannot assess until I am in those situations.

When I journal ofcourse if I mention anything good like studying I'm pointing it out but if I mention anything negative such as feelings of anxiety and fear I will point those out too as that's the only way to assess my reaction to the sub surely. 

I focus on fear when I feel it as I'm human but more so because I'm using a sub for fear. I recall when I was on DMSI i was focused on female interactions, when I was on MLS I was looking at my studying habits etc I can only give credit to the sub when I feel ok what I'm experiencing goes beyond what is normal or has been an experience I've had before. 

For example yesterday I went for a walk with my friend. Have I been on walks with my friend before yes. Have they been often no but when we do we walk for a long time sure. Is this the sub based on past experiences no but could it be sure but again only time will tell.

I have always said from day 1 that I will give this sub 180days so I'm expecting and hopeful that by day 180 I can look back and go wow (Luke Wilson style) and go yes this fear and that fear are no more.

Is that a good logical way to assess I believe so. Is any of this self sabotage I don't think so I just hit play and journal good days and bad days.

[Jake2015]

And your learned behavior for getting attention is failure and helplessness.  

I've done this myself, for a long time.  I still see it, and a core fear is taking responsibility for my life.

Jake, this isn't a bash at you.  This is me saying you're not alone.  I did this, and have done it using subliminals for a number of years now.  Gratefully, Shannon pointed it out when he wrote the Overcome the Victim Mentality description for LTU5, and LTU5 worked wonders on my self-esteem.  Pasted below is the description from LTU6.


"A victim mentality can result from one or both of two situations.  The first is as a result of actually having been a victim of some person, thing or circumstance, which then becomes a part of the accepted self identity of the person.  The second is when a person realizes that they can get something they want (usually attention, pity, special status, special treatment, some form of control, money or special favors) from being, or pretending to be, a victim.  In either case, a victim mentality degrades self respect, self esteem, a sense of self worth and a healthy self identity.  This program works to remove the victim mentality, regardless of what brought it about, which helps prevent being a victim in the future, and also makes the person naturally healthier mentally and emotionally."

What hit me was it "degrades self respect, self esteem, a sense of self worth and a healthy self identity."  Yeah.  Every single time.  I'd just want to whine or manipulate others around (me not feeling good about myself anyway), and I'd feel like shit after.    I'd sit and stew now, wondering essentially "how can I get good attention?"  It's a never-ending cycle.  My focus used to be on getting attention--it just pisses me off now at times.  That's NOT me.  It DOESN'T work--or feel good.  

Which is also why I'm not writing as much.  Old pretentions still exist, but following them hurts me more, most of the time immediately.  My growth or lack of it is not about anyone else.  It's about me.  I realize and am working now to change my focus from having someone say I'm worthy to me saying and thinking I'm worthy.  

I'm not sure if you relate to my story, but there it is.  I found staying in old thinking hurt me more and more internally.  

The question I'll ask and let you think on is this: "what do you REALLY want?"  I don't expect or require a response.  It's for you to think on.  Some answers might not be comfortable, but being honest with yourself is the priority.  It's your journey.  Give yourself some credit, and you'll make responsible decisions.  Peace.

Thank you for this @findingme I appreciate you sharing your story and journey.

Im unsure how I myself though am seeking attention, or been a victim. I have fears and those fears show up and they are strong and are fear of failure it seems if my assessment is correct.

Do I behave a victim in life no on the contrary everyone that knows me says I'm a very confident guy and social too. I have no fear when it comes to approaching women for example and chatting though like many men I get oneitis when I think I've met the one though the red pill community would shudder at that. 

I have goals I want to reach and the subs I hope will help me reach those. I dont journal for attention I journal for data. I take some time out share all I can good or bad unaware what really is the data sought but I've kept consistent with this. Thank you bro.

[RTBoss]

First, OF addresses ALL fears. But it does so in a specific way, dealing with specific fear levels in different priorities. Not all fears are going to be addressed at the same time. Some may take months to get to, while others may be dealt with quickly.

Second, you guys are changing things up so fast that you never really get to know what any setting for usage pattern is actually doing. You're looking for, and expecting, changes too quickly. This isn't an instant process. Set it and let it do it's job. Just get to know what it's doing. That can take a month. I was getting great results by just using 3 loops a day on, and following 3 days on, 2 days off. If you're not getting autoconfig directions, leave it to do it's damned job! Stop expecting instant results! Stop looking for instant results. Most of what this program is doing will be done subconsciously, and it's designed so you really won't notice the vast majority of it. Give it a month, and then review. Bur you don't need to write a novel every day looking for results. That's called overanalysis, and it's actually counterproductive because you are consciously focusing back into fear looking for whether or not there's more fear.

This is a post from @Shannon about how OF deals with fear. You may find that the fears you've been looking to be affected won't be dealt with for months. Let's focus on finding some fears that have affected you in the past, and are now missing. Gonna take some deep digging.

[Jake2015]

Day 74/180 OFF #1- Satuday 31 July - *Hybrid loop 5 cycle 1*

1) So stayed up enjoying the live youtube stream. Went to bed late and woke late. No dreams that I can recall.

2) Woke late, around 12.30pm but considering the day earlier I had less sleep and this night I slept very late I expected this and took it as a break from 4-5miles walking and studying too.

3) Feel fine, happy almost. I think the walking gave me a positive boost and I'm still enjoying it. If I had not woken late I would have enjoyed another walk but I'm assessing how my legs cope and my priority is to study today.

4) I made french toast, I feel like a man in love lmao just chilled and calm and cool and the weather is hot and sunny and great. I then after a few hours of food coma started studying going over/reviewing material covered so far before watching the video lecture on new material.

5) I started losing focus and getting bored after 15mins so took a break to come to the forum, replied to the posts in this thread and now updating then back to studying.

6) The fear was apparent yesterday about calling companies for work experience but today it is less so. I have a friend to contact, that my yesterday friend said I should reach out to for information but I don't feel like doing it today so may do tomorrow. There is an apprehension within but I'm unsure why there is again I can only surmise this is fear.

Nevertheless I don't feel it as much though it is there and do think by tomorrow I may be in a stronger position to take action upon it and reach out to this other friend.

I also think no matter how slow it is going doing whatever studying I can is and will increase my confidence in terms of career and this is what I do need.

For anyone not following after these 2 days off I return back to 4 loops for a few cycles to see how that works on me.

Addendum:

I wanted to also add that I wont be joining live youtube streams well intend not to. They go on for hours and take away from my goals and I don't want that. I experienced it its nice but I want to stick to studying daily and just chip away at my success and goals as I can.

[Jake2015]

First, OF addresses ALL fears.  But it does so in a specific way, dealing with specific fear levels in different priorities.  Not all fears are going to be addressed at the same time.  Some may take months to get to, while others may be dealt with quickly.

Second, you guys are changing things up so fast that you never really get to know what any setting for usage pattern is actually doing.  You're looking for, and expecting, changes too quickly.  This isn't an instant process.  Set it and let it do it's job.  Just get to know what it's doing.  That can take a month.  I was getting great results by just using 3 loops a day on, and following 3 days on, 2 days off.  If you're not getting autoconfig directions, leave it to do it's damned job!  Stop expecting instant results!  Stop looking for instant results.  Most of what this program is doing will be done subconsciously, and it's designed so you really won't notice the vast majority of it.  Give it a month, and then review.  Bur you don't need to write a novel every day looking for results.  That's called overanalysis, and it's actually counterproductive because you are consciously focusing back into fear looking for whether or not there's more fear.

This is a post from @Shannon about how OF deals with fear.  You may find that the fears you've been looking to be affected won't be dealt with for months.  Let's focus on finding some fears that have affected you in the past, and are now missing.  Gonna take some deep digging.

@RTBoss exactly thank you! This is what I read when I bought the sub and made the decision that come rain or shine I will endeavour to stick to the sub for 180days and yes those fears that I am fully aware of are my big deep or core fears to me perhaps and thus will take the full course to deal with. I absolutely agree and still optimistic yes that they will be cleaned and cleared away.

Yes agreed sir finding fears though that have affected me in the past that are now missing though is what I'm finding hard to do. I dont know of any as yet. I mean the only way I can know for sure is if I'm repeatedly faced with such a fear and it no longer has a hold me on right?

For example, I earlier in my journal mentioned I saw a spider and freaked out somewhat. I then saw it again in a different context and felt some fear but not as much. Now I cant say if I saw the spider again will I freak out again or will the fear be even less cos its not something I can test. does that make sense I'm not sure if I made much sense with that one but trying to.

To be honest I thought when I bought the sub that I would listen accumulate the days and eventually a spider or wasp or I dunno something else I'm afraid of will come across me and I wont fear it and be omg the sub cleared it. I also thought that by day 180 I would know that yeah some fears are gone. 

For example yesterday I was walking with my friend and he understood I was insecure about walking ALONE, going for walks etc as then my attention isn't removed by a friend that is walking with me, speaking to them and what not nor the safety of having a friend with me too as I noticed yesterday walking with him was pretty much zero fear more confidence but that is always the case when we meet for walks. A test would be when I walk again how do I feel for example otherwise I cant know how the fear or apprehension is.

am I making any sense at all?

I have an exam for example next week. As always I seldomly have fear of exams UNTIL its either the day of the exam or im in the exam when the adrenaline kicks in. I will see how I feel with that exam but for now im behaving the usual way.

Also based on the 2nd paragraph of that quote you shared, I don't know what my sweet spot is for this sub since I cannot tell how its working on me because as Shannon said there it works subconsciously. So I journal hoping I can know what number of loops and days on and off is best for me.

I as Shannon suggested moved and was happy to move to 5 loops and would continue cos yes I wrongly thought that intensity increase is good and ill know when I hit the best protocol for me. Shannon said don't do that give 4 loops time so I'm happy to do that too but I'm totally unaware of how to assess this sub, I'm simply journalling any fears I feel if and when I come across them.

Am I doing this wrong though?

[Jake2015]

Day 75/180 OFF #2- Sunday 1 August - *Hybrid loop 5 cycle 1*

1) TOO hot to sleep at 28 C I think it was but felt like daytime 33 C here. Then phone notified me the live streamer was streaming again so I sat up in front of my cooling fan and enjoyed the stream. Wasnt sleepy either due to coca cola probably.

2) Slept, don't recall any dreams, woke after 5hrs sleep.

3) What I have noticed since waking up and until now (approximately 2 maybe 2.5hrs later) is anxiety and fear. I don't even know why but I'm fearing the future suddenly today. I feared the exam next week, I fear I dunno alsorts. Its crazy and not a nice feeling.

4) In the 2-2.5hrs since waking, I washed, ate cereal and then got on with studying the previous 7 days material and I didn't notice the fear during that but in the breaks especially now as I have a 10min break its apparent and very obvious.

5) Its been 7 days since I've been studying and I love it. Studying for 7 consecutive days where nothing else but making sure I study daily is the goal is not only terrific but amazing for me for someone like me its crazy!!!

I mean sure at times there are thoughts of ah its effort and work but overall once I get into it using the gamification system I'm using its not too bad and knowing I'm remembering stuff works even better.

6) The fear could be coming from the sheer volume of info I need to learn in the next 6months or so, maybe a year but I'm going to get on with it 1 way or another.

7) I just decided, after the exam next week ill contact my friend for info as mention in previous post and also get some things moving. In that time I can over come this fear, get back onto 4loops hybrid and increase confidence by learning extra info from my studying.

[Jake2015]

Day 75/180 OFF #2- Sunday 1 August - *Hybrid loop 5 cycle 1* - part 2

8) I reminded myself "even if you feel the fear don't worry it wont kill you you will make it" during the day when I felt the anxiety. Its been there all day however some of it must be due to the amount of catch up work I must do before I finish this course to feel somewhat competent BUT I'm glad I've done 7 days as mentioned and its great!

9) So its taken me all day to complete an intense 8mins video today, video lecture on 1 topic. It was jam packed with information from which I extracted over 100 pieces of information I must learn but I preserved, took a break. ate, got back to it but didn't give up and I completed it.

Tomorrow I will test myself on this knowledge and internalise it.

Its been a productive day even if singularly focused on just 1 task nevertheless I'm taking it as a win and a success.

tomorrow I'm back to 4 loops.

[Z-Man]

Day 75/180 OFF #2- Sunday 1 August - *Hybrid loop 5 cycle 1* - part 2

8) I reminded myself "even if you feel the fear don't worry it wont kill you you will make it" during the day when I felt the anxiety. Its been there all day however some of it must be due to the amount of catch up work I must do before I finish this course to feel somewhat competent BUT I'm glad I've done 7 days as mentioned and its great!

9) So its taken me all day to complete an intense 8mins video today, video lecture on 1 topic. It was jam packed with information from which I extracted over 100 pieces of information I must learn but I preserved, took a break. ate, got back to it but didn't give up and I completed it.

Tomorrow I will test myself on this knowledge and internalise it.

Its been a productive day even if singularly focused on just 1 task nevertheless I'm taking it as a win and a success.

tomorrow I'm back to 4 loops.

Hey Jake, if we are going conquer this fear we must one with it like Batman. It would be fun to have some of those Bat toys.....

[Jake2015]

Day 75/180 OFF #2- Sunday 1 August - *Hybrid loop 5 cycle 1* - part 2

8) I reminded myself "even if you feel the fear don't worry it wont kill you you will make it" during the day when I felt the anxiety. Its been there all day however some of it must be due to the amount of catch up work I must do before I finish this course to feel somewhat competent BUT I'm glad I've done 7 days as mentioned and its great!

9) So its taken me all day to complete an intense 8mins video today, video lecture on 1 topic. It was jam packed with information from which I extracted over 100 pieces of information I must learn but I preserved, took a break. ate, got back to it but didn't give up and I completed it.

Tomorrow I will test myself on this knowledge and internalise it.

Its been a productive day even if singularly focused on just 1 task nevertheless I'm taking it as a win and a success.

tomorrow I'm back to 4 loops.

Hey Jake, if we are going conquer this fear we must one with it like Batman. It would be fun to have some of those Bat toys.....

Hey Z-Man haha ain't that the truth! To the batcave....

[Jake2015]

Day 76/180 ON #1- Monday 2 August - *Hybrid 4 loops cycle 1*

1) Yesterday I removed 1 TS Hybrid track from my playlist. When I got to bed, the TS track was completed removed from my phone - absolutely no idea how or why that even happened. Luckily I had Ocean TS track set up as a playlist as backup so hit play.

2) Woke at some point during the night and Ocean hybrid was still playing. Felt like it was on repeat so I turned it off.

3) Woke and checked and seems that I didn't turn it off or that it managed to play all 4 loops. Not a big fan of ocean, the oscillating sounds arent great for my sleep whereas TS is consistent and like white noise.

4) Anyway woke, not hungry, ate a banana and going to study. Surprisingly there was some slight apprehension and anxiety over my impending exam but I've overcome that to now get on with my studying for today.

[Jake2015]

Day 76/180 ON #1- Monday 2 August - *Hybrid 4 loops cycle 1*
Day 77/180 ON #2- Tuesday 3 August - *Hybrid 4 loops cycle 1*
Day 78/180 OFF #1- Wed 4 August - *Hybrid 4 loops cycle 1*
Day 79/180 OFF #2- Thurs 5 August - *Hybrid 4 loops cycle 1*

Not had chance to come on due to:

1) An exam I had to focus on

2) Focus on studying that I'm doing on a daily basis, as part of the algorithm being used that gamifies it for me.

That being said I have continued with the protocol of hybrid 4 loops and will continue with the listening

[Jake2015]

Day 80/180 ON #1- Fri 6 August - *Hybrid 4 loops cycle 2*

1) Had dream of that girl I had oneitis for. No idea why I've dreamt of her or how this is related to fear.

2) Tired. Woke tired and have been feeling tired most of the day so far.

As mentioned somewhere in the past posts for me dreams have shows the sub is doing something and Shannon has said being tired indicates also thus these 2 means the sub at 4 hybrid loops is doing something

3) Apprehension and fear are there. I have minor things to do all around career such as working on my cv/resume and then contacting organisations for work shadow/experience but its all leading to anxiety. The more I think about it the more I feel it but I have to remind myself as I mentioned in a previous post, something I learnt from a website...

that "this fear wont kill me, I will and can survive it so ignore the feeling and just get started" - and aah that's made me feel better and given me a light shift.

4) Something I have only just remembered was when I was out going for the exam I felt insecure of how I looked. At 1 moment (cant recall if it was in the morning when I got dressed or at some point later in the day) but I saw myself in a mirror and became conscious of my appearance, I was judging myself and that visual image stayed in my mind popping up at random moments during the 3-4hours I was out, ie: left home went to exam walked around uni finding professors for other stuff and then finally home.

5) So far its been 11 consecutive days of studying of some form and manner which for me is a truly unbelievable achievement considering I have no immediate exams related to what I am studying. Im basically trying to learn the basics as well as things I SHOULD know but do not so a google search gives me the meanings and factoids or concepts related to that nugget of information and I then go about understanding and learning it. I am being a skeptic and putting this down to the fact that I have a deadline of trying to learn all I can before I start working and thus that's the impetus but its good enough coupled with the gamification of studying has made it some what easier. Last few days as mentioned earlier I think have been harder in terms of mood and motivation but I know if I miss a day I will mess up the algorithm of the software I'm using so so far its a win

my thoughts: without going over my journal again I think my sweet spot may be the 4 US loops or this current 4 Hybrid loops. I hope it is as its taken a while to get here so lets see.

[Jake2015]

Day 81/180 ON #2- Sat 7 August - *Hybrid 4 loops cycle 2*

1) Had a dream - involved a snake. I seemed to fear it in the dream, not majorly but I didn't confront it instead closed the door to it in a room. The rest of the dream is hazy.

2) Not as tired as yesterday

3) Chilled, now studying

Shannon replied to my question of how I'm actually self sabotaging as he sees it : https://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Shann...#pid248029

Addendum:

4) I feel less stressed I think and less apprehensive than before about the future and things to do too in relationed to career etc.

[Jake2015]

Day 82/180 OFF #1- Sun 8 August - *Hybrid 4 loops cycle 2*

1) Relaxing sunday. Only had 5hrs sleep. Had headaches yesterday and a little today.