OF 5.75

[kuroshabedi]

My fear of confrontation is reducing very noticable so much that i seem very aggressive and i am verly talkative i am not like i used to be before i used this sub.

I have this i dont care attidude. I talk different, i walk different everything is like i dont care and more fearless.

I noticed that girls that i was not attracted to (average girls) look now attractive to me. This no PMO thing make girls look so beautiful its so hard to focus on buying food from the supermarket while girls walk by and they only look average. I dont see them as sex objects anymore something changed inside me i really see them as beautiful and interesting humans. 

The other strange part is i started a conversation with one of them without introduction i never did that ever before. I was so interested in that girl and a "hey" came out of my mouth automatically lol like who the .... talks to girls in a supermarket. I could sense that she liked that confidence (because nowadays the way i look into girls eyes changed too and they feel it like im looking at them deeply). I dont know why but i am really enjoying looking at them deeply without paying too much attention to their bodys. Before no pmo and OF i could never hold eye contact and had this shame feeling plus only looked at the bodies but now everything seems different. Feels great

[kuroshabedi]

The whole day irritaded + headaches + angry at every little thing and i dont know why. Feel like a girl during period..

[Benjamin]

That can happen when things are processing, say for example something might be worked on around anger it's kind of like a flashlight is shined on the issue and it can be more obvious for a while. Headaches can also be a form of resistance, and some things can be brought on emotionally like that. So that's likely what's going on.

[kuroshabedi]

That can happen when things are processing, say for example something might be worked on around anger it's kind of like a flashlight is shined on the issue and it can be more obvious for a while. Headaches can also be a form of resistance, and some things can be brought on emotionally like that. So that's likely what's going on.

Yes it feels like that exactly. One time it even went so far that suicidal thoughts appeared without any real reason

[kuroshabedi]

Updates: that girl that i said goodbye in a peaceful way and responded peacefully too blocked me now i dont know why but it doesnt matter

So I speak 3 languages (german , persian and a bit english as you can see) and my mother language (persian) is just avarage for someone that is born in germany and yesterday when i was on a birthday party i suddenly had to phone with some family members about a very sensitive topic that my vocubalary is not good enough to act confident. Normally i would runaway from this responsibility because of fear. I felt the fear inside me but I didnt runaway and knew it has to be done. I was confident i acted very confident. After this people were surprised how good i did speak and they were surprised about my vocubalary. Felt good. I think confidence is when you are brave in situation that seem tough to you


On day 20 without PMO and social media except youtube. Everything is more enjoyable (reading breathing thinking walking.. just everything. Holding eye contact is the easiest thing in the world.. + i have lucid dreams now

But still I sometimes feel sad because of the things i left behind me even if they were unhealthy like specific friends or girls..

[kuroshabedi]

Sad day.. I relapsed

[fab10]

Sad day.. I relapsed

Nofap?

[kuroshabedi]

Sad day.. I relapsed

Nofap?

Yes. Now i am on day 2 again..

[fab10]

Sad day.. I relapsed

Nofap?

Yes. Now i am on day 2 again..

It happens, no big deal, don’t beat yourself up over it. 

Shower thought - Every time I see the word “relapse” related to nofap I cringe, it feels far too extreme. The word has a specific negative connotation that does not apply to masturbation.

[kuroshabedi]

Sad day.. I relapsed

Nofap?

Yes. Now i am on day 2 again..

It happens, no big deal, don’t beat yourself up over it. 

Shower thought - Every time I see the word “relapse” related to nofap I cringe, it feels far too extreme. The word has a specific negative connotation that does not apply to masturbation.

Yes I understand

[kuroshabedi]

Finally reached 78 kilos. I am using dating apps now because of covid. Chatting with some girls. Reading lots of books for self development like no more mr.nice guy. Impressive book its like its the story of my life and i feel like for others here too.


If someone has good book reccommendations pls tell me.

[kuroshabedi]

Of and some books showed me how much i am searching for the validation from others and that i am always hiding my failures. 

I relapsed that drug topic. Normaliy I would hide this fact because i was subconscioisly afraid that people think bad about me. This outside validationis so important to me. That has to stop. Everytime i fail i come back stronger

[kuroshabedi]

Finally decided to get rid of youtube too. I am sick of apps that know exactly how to make me addicted with recommendations and other instant gratifications. Sick of seeking for validation from the outside