Emotional healing V4 Journal~ Let the healing begin

[Rusty]

Cycle 4 day 1.

The intensive dreams continue.
yesterday i had a super vivid dream of somthing sexual that i cant remmember correctly.
also of me in a character of a dog going to the neighbours there i meet anoher dog, we discuss how we can shift our spirit outside of our bodies and stuff like that.

i also dreamed of my dog not able to walk again (she has just had surgery for cutting her leg because it had a growing dangerous tumor inside it) and we were trying our best to help her in order to not put her to sleep for ever.


its crazy how in the dreams i can feel intense fear or clarity but when i wake up i feel or remmember almost nothing.

[Rusty]

Cycle 4 day 4.

Super vivid dream last night. i think the self respect/esteem module kicking in.
in the dream i was in a class with a random guy who supposedly is a friend of mine.
then a group of high value investors walked into the room and he shouted to them
"This guy (me) is the best there is in the field, lets cheer for him!" and everybody were clapping to me.
i just shrugged it off and remmember blushing, then not saying anything.
i dont remmember what happend after but i think my subconcious tries to accept the positive self image suggestions in the script,
i read in the objectives of E4 of " Increase in self respect/worth/esteem" so i guess that was about it

[Rusty]

Cycle 4 day 5.
Another interesting dream:
this time i was going to pick up my brother he is stuck somwhere.
i noticed there is a girl in the car with him.
she is very flirty with him and not with me,
I get jealous.. and feel inferior.
thats how the dream ends

[Rusty]

Cycle 4 day 6-
Another vivid dream.
This time its about my extended family,
who are way more religious then me.
i am celebrating with them the holidays and being social

[reki]

Have you experienced anything profound like you have controlled your anger in situations that you have been emotional?

[Rusty]

Have you experienced anything profound like you have controlled your anger in situations that you have been emotional?

Funny that you ask that, one case happend today.
i was talking with some girl who blew me off and said she was not interested in whatsapp after we talked over the phon.

my usual response is to either be too aggresive and mock her or just tell her to f off and block her(immature yea).
this time i answered respectfuly and assertively what i think about her response without leveling down to insults and she was shocked and appriciated of the insight.

i think i matured alot in that time and i feel much more emotional stable.
also i dont have a single negative thought about myself, and if i look back i used to have a lot of them

[ncbeareatingman]

Have you experienced anything profound like you have controlled your anger in situations that you have been emotional?

Funny that you ask that, one case happend today.
i was talking with some girl who blew me off and said she was not interested in whatsapp after we talked over the phon.

my usual response is to either be too aggresive and mock her or just tell her to f off and block her(immature yea).
this time i answered respectfuly and assertively what i think about her response without leveling down to insults and she was shocked and appriciated of the insight.

i think i matured alot in that time and i feel much more emotional stable.
also i dont have a single negative thought about myself, and if i look back i used to have a lot of them

Damn that's incredible Man. more power to ya Rusty!!

[THolt]

Have you experienced anything profound like you have controlled your anger in situations that you have been emotional?

Funny that you ask that, one case happend today.
i was talking with some girl who blew me off and said she was not interested in whatsapp after we talked over the phon.

my usual response is to either be too aggresive and mock her or just tell her to f off and block her(immature yea).
this time i answered respectfuly and assertively what i think about her response without leveling down to insults and she was shocked and appriciated of the insight.

i think i matured alot in that time and i feel much more emotional stable.
also i dont have a single negative thought about myself, and if i look back i used to have a lot of them

Wow that’s great progress!!

[reki]

I can agree with the sentiments above. What you did is really mature and I don't think I would have done the same if in a similar situation.

[Rusty]

Cycle 5 day 2-
i had a really rely vivid dreams while running US as i sleep.
in the dream there was me, my brother , my brother friend and his wife.

then it was just me and his friend, he(the friend) was super charismatic and outgoing and i was there trying to be like him but couldnt. i remmember vividly his expreasion and energy making everyone laugh while i was silent in the background.

then there was flashback from my last breakup, where she told me i have to go out and be more social.
thats where it ended

[Rusty]

So i have been sleeping a lot on my days off.

i had a very interesting dream last night.
i was having the power to give birth(im a man)
by getting little marks on my hands and arms.
now in the begining it worked but after a while i saw worms coming outside from the cuts in my arms
and then i remmember vividly when i tried to remove the worms they appeared to be deeper and deeper inside my arm.

maybe the subconcious metaphor of worms is trauma or fears and it dives deeper and deeper and removes the root just how i removed the worms from my arms and hands.

make sense?

[Rusty]

Ok so somthing very interesting i noticed.

I don't know if its related to the detox module or some other thing but, i have had a pretty large foot fungus in my right foot for over almost 8 years, i never cared about it but it was always there.

last week i went to a dermatologist, he checked my foot and its gone!

not a single shred of evidence there was ever a fungus there.

@Shannon can it be because of the detox module? is there some physical healing ? i dont think 
this kind of fungus can disappear without any inteference because it was there for like 8 years or so.

[Shannon]

Ok so somthing very interesting i noticed.

I don't know if its related to the detox module or some other thing but, i have had a pretty large foot fungus in my right foot for over almost 8 years, i never cared about it but it was always there.

last week i went to a dermatologist, he checked my foot and its gone!

not a single shred of evidence there was ever a fungus there.

@Shannon can it be because of the detox module? is there some physical healing ? i dont think 
this kind of fungus can disappear without any inteference because it was there for like 8 years or so.

There are a number of possible explanations.  If it is correlated to E4, then it may be that E4 cleared up an emotional issue that was manifesting physically as the foot fungus.  Or, it may be that the healing that took place required the fungus or whatever caused it to be removed from your system.  I can't know for sure if it was correlated or specifically what removed it if it was.  But it is certainly a possibility.

[Rusty]

Thats amazing!
Another great insight. since i feel safe sharing ill say it.
I have always had very sensitive nipples, in a way that even wearing shirt with some rough inside was not comfortable and even painful

i realized in the last weeks they are no longer sensitive, i can wear whatever i want with ease and touch them without discomfort.
maybe it was holding shame,guilt in that area and once released it feels different? no idea why but i feel like new man.