UMS $$$

[Kol]

Suddenly I have this strong urge to update my selfcare and grooming. Facial cleaner, hydration, investing in higher level of selfcare, getting grooming to the next level by expanding ownership of products.

On an other note; when I stood in line at the grocery store, some tall dude stood in line before me. Idk what it is with people, but MOVE. it made me impatient, agressive and just spitefull. Im aware I carried some shame ( its a big player actually now that I realize ) along this stuff, like on a mental level its petty, but damn, people are so oblivious at times. Im also aware of how fear/anxiety is blended in.

My interest in cinematics is also more prominent. Yay. I like it as im a guy who is fond of the 90s movies and all their signatures of said era.

[Kol]

Input vs bloom is like day and night. My selfperception is totally different. Im actually thinking im a cool guy and can breath in relief. I really like this. Not gonna write more to not jinx myself, just basking in it. I really dig ums and what it brings to me.

Lots of self acceptance going on aswell as creativity. I leave it at that.

[Kol]

Feeling really introverted today for some reason. Less social, not as sharp. Chaotic. Awkward even. Am wondering if I should run a loop or that FRM is busy bigtime and should let the bloom continue.

[Kol]

Felt this morning as if I was in a am6 state enhanced by ums. Im aware ums is heavily busy beneath the surface.

Also DMSI is calling, funny as im dealing with social life stuff and despise former life people. Smalltown syndrome. Fuck man, this is in line with saviour complex, neediness and co-dependence things.

Im having urges to move to a bigger city. There is a hint of escapism going on, like no matter the conditions/circumstances, internally? Things might remain the same. Its a sense its ums dealing with shit.

Bigger picture this an non issue. Level up the complete playing field.

Edit1: its clear im going through some healing and clearing at this point. I want to be fearless. Living. Being free of issues. At times I wonder what my baseline is. Is it comfort in negativity or what? It might be a hopefull thing and something that I consider last night; what if I just let go of everything. This surely stirrs up some fears, like its at the root of it all, like something is exposed and goes haywire. Like barestripping of all, and what is left then? No place to hide.

I want to be free and solid in my social interactions. In my mind its just flow. Its almost like a justification and coping. Resistance to friends. Feeling stuck, hopeless and triggered then, while that doesnt have to be so. Not participating seems to be resistance as I know the possibility of taking the lead fully, and being alpha. Life is one big party and adventure.

Why cant I just let go? Why is that? Im running a loop now as I felt sadness grow.

Going out is fine.
Meeting new people is fine, a flourishing and active social life is fine
Just being and appreciating in the dbest shit is fine.

For reason I make it a fuss. I remember pre-fuss times.

I understand the minimalism and scratch out you see in those top 10 succesfull people lists, how it kickstarts into discipline and compounding and momentum building, but you never know. I get that, the purpose, but man, this full focus sacrifice? Really? The most random experiences can hold tremendous value. Going out, doing crazy shit, people = options tho.

I feel lonely. Fuck.

[Kol]

You know what? This sheer terror, fear, freakout, without labeling is something benefitting in the long run. Ums/frm triggering this, and facing it, means its being dealt with. Better let go then to keep it in. Go all in.

Also, I got fed up today with pointing fingers, looping scenarios. Something kicked in saying "enough!" So much shit coming up. Good. Bring it on. Time to transmute it, transform it. I WANT to face it.

[Kol]

Social interactions are way up
Shitton of headturning in public and traffic

Women at work openly flirting with me. Including physical, getting massages from them and what not
Alphamale bodylanguage and display

Feeling absolutely great, powerfull and inspired

Things go way fast, im looking ahead and having trust

Neediness is dead, pure self amusement going on.

Im shutting bs down real fast, fearless in interactions.

Feel like my am6 programming is breaking through

Tons have been cleared out.

Mentally im way more "cold" seeing oppurtunity as oppurtunity, my interactions have this dominant vibe to them. Leading self, knowing all is good and letting ums roll.

Im writing out way more plans, systemmatic approach.

I realize im dis-associating and re-associating. This is huge and pretty much key componement.

I literally feel I shifted in a whole different reality. Cant pinpoint it due naturalizer yet having this sense that something is different energy-wise

Cutting down on bs activities.

I truly feel ahead of the curve.

[Kol]

I want keep running loops forever. The am6 stuff continues. Also having DMSI like feelings and thoughts going on

Its like im running different subs while im just running ums lol

I even went looking if I did set my settings right

Also no limits exists at this point. Its a state of everything is mine already. It free real estate lol

Im diving deep in self development stuff. Reading old 5g sub journals I seem to get exactly what is written. Now i have this carefree, dominant, "hard-attitude" going on.not really agressive, but solid bold intensity and fierceness. No inhibition, rather rushing bull like and killing it.

Things progress very fast since it clicked on new levels that ums is working FOR me. As a friend, a companion.

Cocky pretty much, unapologetic.

If people have something to say, speak directly to me, in my face. Its cowardice in my eyes to hear it from 3rd parties. I am fearless.

Humor and vocal projection is spot on

Feeling drawn to Tyler, Julien, Derek and the such. It all clicks and sheds clarity in rapid succession. This shows itself in my action taking, offline world effects.

[Kol]

Strong sense of solidness and trust. An knowing that its all covered. Away from the constant looking. Idgaf and ums gravitates in effect

Gonna pick up reading books more. I really like lifehacks and such. Investing in myself, my mind. Its something that has been on the backburner more, but I have a newfound hunger for it, to invest in my life even more. Not as a substitute for social life out of hiding and coping, but a genuine thirst, gaining new insights, new reflections, new interests.

Such substituting is having a massive cost to it.

Ums also guides me to the right people through priming my social life, social skills, to read and through watching videos. Social life is a prime focus as of late and thats something that has massive value and upside.

Handling all areas. Investment to get the job done and out of sheer pleasure aswell as making life easier through cultivation of skillset, fun. It also gives me an edge and advantage.

Edit: list compiled. Could easily convert it into pdf and organize it, yet, my motto is "select and thin the herd, execute on those books, mere collecting is mere collecting" stark contrast with what it has been. This can easily be passed on. Its as ifall of this has an underlying purpose. So many angles to take. Haha. Execution is thrilling. Life is thrilling.

Life is so fucking gooooood man.

[Kol]

Im catching myself looping and catastrophing. This especially shows up when appointments are being agreed on, yet there is time delay going on. I get triggered yet am catching it more. Its discard stuff, affirmation, enormous blowin out ofproportion.

It has to to with discard, rejection, leaving me, all kind of trauma. This sheds tons of light. This also translates it in time management and disrespect, loss of control, certainty and security.

Now that im processing this, and amidst the looping, I got the glimpse of absolute effortlessness and sense that the whole universe works FOR me. This in turn catapults.

What a headfuck. Lol

[Kol]

Ums takes "where attention goes, energy flows" to a whole new level. Free choice and association.

Energy is high and thriving, highly present and successfull. Ums/I am beyond anything and everything I ever was and things unfold quick. Like a "sit back, enjoy the ride"

I realize I did exercise "visualisation" and practices from a place of "need to control" fear based future thinking.

Abundance includes choice of saving. My internal value structure is changing, standards are raising. This uncovers some things, likes a subtle fear of loss, and loss of "relatability" which is bs and external point of orientation, something thats telling in my case.

Im thinking bigger and am unafraid to accept it. Take the leap. Purchase that island and make powermoves. Be a titan , make impact.

Raise up, think big and exeptional. Can I meet my own standards?

Lifestyle translation into profit yet deep satisfaction and enjoyment.

Ums is unleashing me and setting me free. My attention is directly effective.

All of this feels like fluff and mental masturbation. Hah.

[Kol]

Im catching myself looping and catastrophing. This especially shows up when appointments are being agreed on, yet there is time delay going on. I get triggered yet am catching it more. Its discard stuff, affirmation, enormous blowin out ofproportion.

It has to to with discard, rejection, leaving me, all kind of trauma. This sheds tons of light. This also translates it in time management and disrespect, loss of control, certainty and security.

Now that im processing this, and amidst the looping, I got the glimpse of absolute effortlessness and sense that the whole universe works FOR me. This in turn catapults.

What a *****. Lol

I can see this also back in fronting, social masks, tribe behaviour, approval seeking in subtle ways, lets say interactions.not gonna blame myself nor attack myself ( which still takes place from time to time ) its oppurtunity to deal with, shed clarity on it.

[Kol]

So, one of the mainthemes and key is boundaries. As someone who has a history regarding childhood, and in which discard is a theme ( interesting to follow this thread ) Im aware of "people pleasing triggers" its an trauma coping response. Like, the discard leading into a pattern of overcompensating and being a "good guy" im aware of the deeper, more primal way, which is hella fun and edgy.

Anyways, so, it basically comes to "gettin my fix" or, a sense of "loss". Lets say you get praise, all is fine. One guy rejects or says something, and the loop starts. Total fixation to "get what you want" an itch, a triggered "need". This also comes back to the whole "control" thingie. Distrust, because things dont go my way. Which I also saw bigtime in him, and thus set me off. It comes across as heavy, drainy, woe is me, you owe me, along with nasty tendencies which feel even actually dirty and nontrustworthy ( reflecting back here on my self in a paralel sense )

So, talk happened about meeting up in the whatsapp group, and tbf, im done. Im pretty much at a point that I set boundaries, standards, thrive ( conditional to the point in all is well, till something is said, and the bomb impacts, overreacton yet translates so..) now, the passive agressiveness started. Guilt tripping and manipulation tactics. Its something I have to separate from as it is a consent, a choice in a sense. Frame-battle.

Im realizing all has been spoken, his word hold mere value just because I assign so, and here I draw the line. Investing in boundaries and cultivating, sticking to them no matter the storm will grow me as a person and in term, benefits beyond me. Such as relationships and leading my life. Distractions are reframed and im healing.

Im having urges to run ASC.am also curious as to how DRS would do.

Im asking myself "what am I trying to get out off?" It all flows smoothly.

Lesson to myself " I aint responsible. I dont have to do anything with it, take it or leave it"

Its funny, how, as you truly start to monopolize your time, priorities, time investment and ate high on your goal, masks drop off. They arent really haters, or they are, but surely there is exposure going on, a rattling and shift of "hierachy" an disruption. You shake the crabs in a bucket ( and this one was baaaad, a big mess) Im really rethinking my understanding of friendship, what I want, qualities, and im sensing something bigger. For all I lnow, social life is capital, and being socially savvy gets you miles ahead plus has tons of benefit.

Im surely making to much of afuzz of this. The past is tge past,done is done i can ask myself to what extent am I toxic, then again it might be shame for whatever reason.

Whatever seems the right word.

Whatever.

Edit: im having some DMSI like effects mixing in while im running UMS solo. It also has a strong success signature to it. Pretty neat, pretty fun.

[Kol]

E3 is kicking my ass.

Woke up this morning getting multiple insights about my former post, the dynamic, the pattern. I realized falsities. My own hang ups and what not. And I wasnt reeling against it, no; I was pretty much in a state of hopefullness, an "aha!" Moment.

Im running a loop right now. And im feeling tge sub pointing out, identifying snd working like it has a 1000 arms. Imalso hellbent on dealing with all if this. I mean, enoygh is enough with the hiding, walking away and sheltering. My drive and motivation of dealing with this is shot up, and I will get better after this.

Its also showing me, that, by this magnifiedness, that e3 has indeed touched a nerve, and is something part of the process.

Edit1: im moving on. Like im realizing that what choice I make is a huge factor. Giving in, going back? No. Setting boundaries, discipline, withstanding the storm? It will bleed over in my interactions and strengthens me. Its a huge relief knowing that they dont have the best interest in mind to begin with. I can finally breath. Let ums/e3 do its thing.

I still see these compensating urges, but the impact is way less.the chapter has been closed. Calibrate and transition, I can handle this.

[Kol]

Stop considering the reactions and just set boundaries dude. Its not about them, its about you.

Been reading some journals now, e3 journals. Im suddenly having the thought considering running ums/e3 for a long time, doesnt it all lead to the same outcome anyways? Lol. I mean, ums, dmsi, some triad shit going on man.

Like duke.togo once mentioned about women and money, theyre elusive and something men try to master.

Something tells me, this processwill shoot up my social life and relationships by a 100 fold.