UMS. Let’s get at it

[Paul1131]

I was at work forty miles away.  I work overnights.  But for the record we were both using earbuds.

I have learned to make doubly sure there is no misunderstanding of what I'm trying to convey whenever possible.  Just making sure. : Earbuds or speakers, it doesn't matter if you're not within earshot of the other person's audio.

   With some of my professional experience, believe me, I understand.

[Paul1131]

One thing I notice that this sub does is hold exhaustion at bay. I’ve been working twelve hours a day six days a week for the last month and more. I should be exhausted, and I may be, but I’m not feeling it like I normally would. It’s really kind of hard to describe, its like the tiredness is behind a membrane or wall. I can tell it’s there, but it doesn’t bother me or make me even think about slowing down. This allows me to keep grinding to get the most money I can out of this opportunity. Today though the membrane feels a bit thinner. This is rather inconvenient timing considering that I don’t even have the potential for a day off until next Sunday and it may be the Sunday after.
It may be that, it may be a combination of that and the sub, I’m not sure. I did feel very tired the second day after my loop last week too. Come to think of it, I think it was worse.
On the good side, I got the first of my supersized paychecks and it didn’t disappoint. We got caught up with some bills that we were falling behind on. The situation is starting to look better.
Other than fatigue and a small sense of mental slowness, I feel perfectly normal today, no real effects noticed either way.

WIFE: She says that she feels very down and “rudderless” since getting laid off. She had been feeling down before that but it made it worse. She says that she feels slightly worse since running her loop. She doesn’t have any energy to do anything, and is dreading looking for another job. I asked her if she had considered talking to her doctor about the lack of energy, but all they offered was a kind of prescription multi vitamin or a stimulant. I suggested that the prescription vitamins might be better than the cheap ones she uses, but I will not advise her to use the stimulant since it’s pretty much meth.
#Shannon, since you said she will probably be highly resistant, do you think she should switch to running it three nights in a row on the next run, or stick to one for a while?

[Shannon]

One thing I notice that this sub does is hold exhaustion at bay.  I’ve been working twelve hours a day six days a week for the last month and more.  I should be exhausted, and I may be, but I’m not feeling it like I normally would.  It’s really kind of hard to describe, its like the tiredness is behind a membrane or wall.  I can tell it’s there, but it doesn’t bother me or make me even think about slowing down.  This allows me to keep grinding to get the most money I can out of this opportunity.  Today though the membrane feels a bit thinner.  This is rather inconvenient timing considering that I don’t even have the potential for a day off until next Sunday and it may be the Sunday after.  
It may be that, it may be a combination of that and the sub, I’m not sure.  I did feel very tired the second day after my loop last week too.  Come to think of it, I think it was worse.  
On the good side, I got the first of my supersized paychecks and it didn’t disappoint.  We got caught up with some bills that we were falling behind on.  The situation is starting to look better.  
Other than fatigue and a small sense of mental slowness, I feel perfectly normal today, no real effects noticed either way.  

WIFE:  She says that she feels very down and “rudderless” since getting laid off.  She had been feeling down before that but it made it worse.  She says that she feels slightly worse since running her loop.  She doesn’t have any energy to do anything, and is dreading looking for another job.  I asked her if she had considered talking to her doctor about the lack of energy, but all they offered was a kind of prescription multi vitamin or a stimulant.  I suggested that the prescription vitamins might be better than the cheap ones she uses, but I will not advise her to use the stimulant since it’s pretty much meth.  
#Shannon, since you said she will probably be highly resistant, do you think she should switch to running it three nights in a row on the next run, or stick to one for a while?

I think you should ease her into the 3:7 if that's what you end up doing with her.  A couple or few cycles of 1 day 1 loop first will do her good with 5 to 7 days off in between to process it and grow.

[Paul1131]

Thanks Shannon, that’s what we’ll do.
Dang it, I keep having to double post for the day, but stuff keeps happening. Tonight I was extremely aware of what I’ve been calling the “fuzzy helmet” feeling. I assume that that’s the auric shield. I used to just feel it around my scalp area, but now I feel something in front of my face as well. It seems almost physical. Cool effect.
I was texting with a friend of mine earlier about something that would normally upset me, and I started to feel euphoria. It was weird, hard to tell if it was an emotion or a physical sensation. It was kind of both I guess. The energy shield seemed to be infused with it too. Is this what people are talking about with the “morphine drip”? Also after that my tiredness vanished completely.

[Shannon]

That is the so-called "morphine drip".

[Paul1131]

I don’t feel anything from the sub today, and I don’t think I did yesterday. I’m a little tired and irritable. Nowhere near as bad as I was on a regular basis before LYU, but more than I can remember feeling in a while. This is fairly normal though. I’m always irritable in summer, especially late July and early August. I think it’s the heat and the overall energy of the time. Considering how much I’m working and how stressful the situation would have been to the “old me” I think I’m still doing pretty well. Heck, I’m Working eighty hours this week.
I haven’t had any major ideas about getting another source of income, but I have been looking in to jobs in my field in another state where the cost of living is considerably lower. With my professional experience, I can get at least what I’m making now, and with less going out it would be like getting a raise. This is not something I would have considered before.
The other thing is that while I don’t actively feel anything from the sub right now, I have zero worry or stress about finance. It’s pike I’ve seen the end of the movie already and I know everything is going to turn out well.
I had a little break and a nice night last night. I didn’t work my regular shift because I had an eight hour training class. It turned out to only last two and a half so I got to go home in the early evening. When I got there, the wife and roommate had prepared the first good, nutritionally balanced meal I’ve had since all the overtime started. It was wonderful, and so was getting to bed while it was still night time. I was still paid for eight hours for the class too.

WIFE: She is still feeling down but says that she feels like she “may have reached the bottom”. I think from talking to her that she may be starting to come back up a little. She just sounded a little more positive today though I’m not sure she realizes it herself. She said that she had been thinking about going back to her parents house for a while to help them get packed up. Her mom is in a medical facility right now because of a very weird condition and her dad isn’t able to get around well anymore so they’re going to have to move out of their multi level home. I said I didn’t think that was a good idea, and to my surprise she actually said she wouldn’t do it and didn’t argue.
I THINK this sub is effecting her despite what is a very stubborn personality. She may not know it yet though.

[Paul1131]

ME: I feel perfectly normal today. At least on the surface. I don’t feel any fatigue or anything going on with my energy system. Not that it’s not, I just think I’m so used to it that it’s now part of normal. I still feel positive about our financial future even though I really don’t have much of a vision of the way forward. I just have the sense that if I keep going, I will get somewhere worth going. Once again, my subconscious knows what it’s doing and it’s working the plan. When the time comes either my intuition will guide me the right way or something will just happen. At the moment I’m just plain not worried about it. I suspect that there’s more going on here that I’m not consciously noticing, so I am going to wait until Friday night to run my next loop as I had planned.

WIFE: After my last entry she told me that she was feeling even more down. She texted the following “I just don’t feel like I can do this again. I’m fatigued, my lower back keeps me from bending, I question myself and skill set / my worthiness and it feels like the previously helpful system is no longer helpful. I’m about to be 40 and I just want to give up. I’d declare bankruptcy but then you loose the bike and the car. I screwed up by not filing right away and now am ***ked”.
However shortly after that she started actively looking for jobs, so maybe the bad feelings are starting to act as a goad to improve the situation.

[Paul1131]

Me: I had a very long and involved dream last night. It seemed to last for weeks, and it’s pretty perplexing. There’s a lot I don’t remember, but I’ll get to what I do. My wife, roommate and I took a trip from Ohio to Colorado (I am from Ohio and now live in Colorado) it was a vacation, but it was supposed to involve meeting with the ex that I’d been a lot more mentally obsessed with for a long time than I should have been. (I met her right when I moved to Colorado). There was a bit of blurring of places, but I had reconnected with her through some people I know in Ohio. In fact she was with some guy I went to high school with. She looked different in the face and not as attractive as I remember. We talked about some stuff that I think was meaningful but of course don’t remember. Then she gave me some stuff. I remember some books, and what I think was a computer game on about a dozen old style floppy disks. The dream ended with me playing some game like hide and seek with what I think were her kids. Anyone got a clue on this one?

[Infinite]

Could it be your subconscious way of giving closure to the relationship? Everyone in the dream had moved on. It wasn't just you and her. The video games she gave you are outdated, a thing of the past. Whatever meaningful conversation you had, you can't even recall, so it might not even matter. She didn't look as attractive anymore because you're not as attracted to her like you used to be. The dream ended with you playing with her kids. The relationship has changed into a social one, it's not romantic anymore.

[ncbeareatingman]

Paul.clearly you're making... ... some serious progress,Man! The "She didnt look as attractive anymore' thing...clearly something has cleared aka Fear Remover 4.6 as well some kinda 'veil' has been lifted/removed from you and asa result 'she' fromthe past isnt as attractive as she once were,to you,as such. I also agree with "Infinite' here...alas da past.
Rock n' Roll Paul and Good Weekend to Yawl,too!!

[Paul1131]

Could it be your subconscious way of giving closure to the relationship?   Everyone in the dream had moved on.  It wasn't just you and her.  The video games she gave you are outdated, a thing of the past.  Whatever meaningful conversation you had, you can't even recall, so it might not even matter.  She didn't look as attractive anymore because you're not as attracted to her like you used to be.  The dream ended with you playing with her kids.  The relationship has changed into a social one, it's not romantic anymore.

Thanks Infinite.  I think you may have hit the nail on the head with the bringing closure part.  That relationship had remained open in my head for many years after the last time I last had any contact with her.  I think it’s been interfering with my happiness and maybe my life success since then.  May even have influenced my current choice of a partner.  It was mostly gone while was on LTU, but now that I think of her after the dream it feels , you’re right, closed.  
Ncbeareatingman you are right, it’s either FRM going or E3.  

I have noticed on this one that the nature of the dreams I’m having has changed.  I’ve only had two, but they both seemed very long and involved.  There were weeks of perceived time in the last one, and I think in the one before that too.  They were very coherent with a lot of things going on at the same time which made sense in context.  They had very complex “story lines” of which I only remember a little.  However I remember there being a lot more to it.  There is definitely something changing here.

[Paul1131]

ME: I didn’t get any super euphoria like I did last run, but I did notice the auric shield quite a bit. Before I could only feel it around my head. This run it was very noticeable around my entire body, especially the front half, and it continues after the run. I didn’t feel much other than that during the run, but I definitely feel the after effects. My brain is trying to process it. Onward we go.

WIFE: she has seemed a bit more positive all week. She’s not upbeat by any stretch of the imagination, but I notice small changes in her tone of voice, word choices, movements, ect. This evening she spontaneously took a walk. I had suggested that she start doing that because a friend of mine who also has MS told me that getting physically active had worked wonders for her. She went from couch potato to running spartan races after her diagnosis. The wife threw out every excuse in the book to avoid doing that so I’d kind of given up. But tonight she told me that she had gone for a short but somewhat vigorous walk. HA! She’d never have done that last week. Something is happening there even though she says she didn’t notice. It doesn’t directly relate to money, but I’m sure that her beating depression and minimizing her symptoms will help with that goal.
She sort of tried to brush it off when we talked about it after her loop. She said something like “I hadn’t really looked at my disgusting body last week” but I think she got it after a little talking. FRM and E3 have some work to do with her, but I’m seeing signs that it’s starting.
During her loop she says that she felt her calf muscles getting tight and sore, and she got a headache. This time she used a good pair of Bose headphones instead of the earbuds that came with the iPod.
Oh, I forgot to mention something from her background. She has had great success with an IML sub before. She was on Maximum Female Fertility when she got pregnant with our only child at 36.
Shannon, do you think we should add a second day (for her not me) next cycle or just shorten her time off?

[Shannon]

If I were in your shoes, I would first experiment with shortening the days off one per cycle until she finds herself overwhelmed.

The do that + 1 day of rest for a few cycles and try shortening it one day per cycle again, and I'm thinking you'll find that she's grown able to handle it.

On the other hand, if she starts successfully resisting 1 loop at a time, you will want to start increasing loops, using whatever days off she was using before. I suggest that 4 to 5 days off between cycles will most likely be best from what I currently understand. If she makes it to 4 days off, then you'll want to start increasing loops if she wants or needs more.

[Paul1131]

ME: Yesterday I was feeling some irritability but that’s about it. Otherwise I felt pretty normal. I don’t know if the internal parts of the program are dealing with something or if my subconscious has decided to resist or what, but I haven’t felt that grumpy in a while. This week I am actually scheduled to have my normal days off. I feel like I could keep pushing and grab some more overtime, but I’m not going to. I know that I’ve been burning the candle at both ends, and I need some rest. I also have to set up a preliminary interview for another job. They’ve kindly waited for me so I need to get that done.
Still no clue on what I can do to get another source of income going. I’m still not worrying about finances, but I’ve kind of lost some of the optimism I went into this with. It may be just because I’m in it and doing the work now.

WIFE: She has activity gotten on looking for a new job. She says she feels nothing, but I continue to see small signs that her thinking and feelings are taking a positive turn. Actually she’s been doing more housework than she was, and her starting her job search is huge.