LTU: Moving forward

[mat422]

So after thinking about things for a while I've come to the conclusion that even though I am trying to change, I'm not giving it 100%. That last step or gap, that's the one where I start to realize just how much control I have. My fear has caused me to stall or procrastinate on this. I kept getting frustrated at being stuck but I wasn't doing my part to focus on where I wanted things to go and practice becoming that. I'd find excuses or come up with reasons why I couldn't simply just start moving towards that. It was always something about more healing, not enough self esteem, not enough confidence, etc. But I never really tried 100%. I was still always stuck in my limited fear based world view and I stayed there, out of fear. But changing my visualizations to include security has helped. In addition to this I've stopped obsessing over the "how". I've started accepting the idea of allowing. My mind likes to twist the "how" into limiits based on my previous life experiences. By just embracing the idea that it is possible and I don't need to prove why, I feel like it brings me closer to my goals.

[mat422]

Something else I'm realizing. I think my resistance to the direction my subconscious pulls me in causes fear because the part that's afraid realizes it's not in control. There's a part of me that feels like it knows the direct and shortest route to happiness, but another part wants to control that path. So it jumps in and tries to derail that path, pretty much like a passenger grabbing the steering wheel and trying to veer you off course. That part isn't driving, but it is a distraction. I've been focusing my attention on giving power to the part of me that knows the path and direction and what to do. When I listen to LTU as needed it acts as a sort of boost for that side, so the fearful side can't override it. Really interesting how the two sides are interacting right now. Haven't fully gotten that other part on board yet

[mat422]

Had some crap thrown at me at work. But it feels like LTU is really helping me get through it. Even if I hit an obstacle I calm myself and proceed straight forward. It's definitely the ultra success, it's this attitude of "you got this". Even if I don't know the solution, I know I'll figure it out. Also luck magnifier, I had three separate problems pop up today that were solved relatively easily. At this point I'm telling myself my work is easy. Why not right? Given the choice of having endless frustration and difficulty, why not manifest an easy job for me? It's funny how the less you focus on the problems, the more they solve themselves.

[mat422]

Haven't talked about my music in a while. It's been slow but steady. I've only been working in small chunks of time and giving myself a break. Forcing myself to finish has never resulted in anything good. That's the fear. It says I need to release a whole bunch of stuff now and if I don't I'll fall behind everyone else who is more prolific. In the future when I have more free time and can dedicate myself I'll work on it more. But right now I have to maintain that balance so I don't burn myself out. Between ltu, my job, and trying to write more music I feel as if I've got a lot on my plate. It's better to sit down for about an hour and work on stuff vs sit there for 3 hours and spend most of it trying to finish it quickly to get it over with.

[mat422]

Finished a song today, I think. You know I can't tell when something is "finished". I can go back and revise stuff forever. Sometimes I feel like my stuff should have something more to it. Like being longer, more variation, more unique sounds, etc. If I go down that rabbit hole I inevitably end up with something that sucks. Maybe not sucks, but loses the original soul of the piece so to speak. Basically this quote sums it up.

In the eyes of those who anxiously seek perfection, a work is never truly completed—a word that for them has no sense—but abandoned; and this abandonment, of the book to the fire or to the public, whether due to weariness or to a need to deliver it for publication, is a sort of accident, comparable to the letting-go of an idea that has become so tiring or annoying that one has lost all interest in it.

Upon further reflection I think I'm way too hard on myself with these works. I spend a decent amount of time on them and energy, sometimes they don't come out like how I want them to. Instead of seeing them as a waste of time or a failure to measure up to my standards I can see them as growth in the direction I want. If I never completed them I would never learn. Each completed song, no matter how basic, is a step further towards my goals and isn't a waste of time.

I think a lot of this "wasted time" perspective comes from living in a place that doesn't value art unless it generates some kind of income. The value of creative ideas represented in some form of medium, it's an amazing thing humans do. But it's shrugged off as childish to some.

Overall I'm still finding myself getting stuck when writing new songs. I think a lot of it is still fear. Probably most of it. There's probably a part of me that fears the finished piece not matching up to my creative vision, so it stalls me in any way possible. If I don't finish anything, technically there's nothing there to compare. Not just songwriting either. I've been trying to learn to play the piano, more music theory, sound design, and mess around with a new synth I got. But I find myself procrastinating in some form or only doing a little bit then getting tired. It's like my mind runs out the clock on the day until it hits about 9pm then goes "welp looks like we have to go to sleep, can't do any of this stuff today!"

I've got so much to learn and practice, it's a bit overwhelming at times. I'm trying to take it in bits and pieces, but I really wish I was more consistent. But it seems like if I try to take in as much at one time I really miss a lot and it turns into this fear based learning where I feel like I'm going against some countdown timer. Between my job and every day tasks, I find it hard to have the energy to get this stuff done sometimes. I can't tell if that's resistance from my subconscious mind or if I need to work within my energy limits right now.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I'm sorry, I don't know shit about songwriting, but "Each completed song, no matter how basic..." Basic isn't necessarily bad. Maybe keeping it simple and just focusing on nailing the fundamentals and not worrying about the rest will help you? I dunno. Like I said, I dunno shit about songwriting. I just wanted to point out, basic isn't bad. Anyway, I'm glad to see you're growing like this and learning to accept your own work more! Hell, I wanna be a musician but I don't take the time to practice an instrument, so the fact that you make music at all is admirable to me.

[mat422]

Thanks! Yeah you raise a good point. Getting the fundamentals down is important, walk before you can run and all that. I guess I just listen to a lot of music that evolves and unfolds like a well written story and mine feel more like a bunch of loops thrown together. I really want to be at that level, even the most basic stuff evolves throughout the song, basic tension and release.

As a side note might have hit an all new level of resistance. I woke up this morning and had trouble hearing out of my left ear as well. I sleep on my right side most of the time so my left ear gets the most exposure to the speakers for the sub. Could just be coincidence, but it wouldn't surprise me if this is a deliberate attempt to derail me by making it harder to hear the sub.

[mat422]

Another quick thought. I feel like I'm not connecting with my music as much lately. I thought to myself, if I was the only person to ever hear this stuff what would I create? And I realized I haven't been creating what I actually want lately. I've just been obsessed with what I should be good at. The truth is sometimes when I create stuff it's very melancholic, I feel as if my real emotions flood my music. And there's a backlog of a lot of sadness and lost feelings. I've been trying to avoid these thematic ruts, but is that really what I should be doing? I guess to some extent there is still that fear "is anybody else going to like this?" I'm still very self conscious of my music and I feel as if I do hold back or I feel ashamed when I fully express myself. Like it's self centered and narcissistic. Or like I'm trying to be deeper than I actually am. I guess it really just boils down to still fearing what people think of me and altering my behavior to limit possible criticism. Thing is, that doesn't work for art. You do that and you cut off the source of what makes your art unique.

[mat422]

Been listening to some Neville Goddard stuff. Out of all the manifestation teachers he definitely feels like the most straightforward and tested. It's definitely shaking up my perception of what's possible. Learning to embrace everything vs being selective in what is or isn't possible. His emphasis on things needing to be natural and to let go of the desire for something are tricky though. Very much in line with the whole "becoming" mindset. You visualize, feel that it will come to be, and go about your day.

It makes me wonder if some visualizations I've had are more than just imagination. If it's possible I was receiving on a different timeline. So what I felt wasn't really generated emotions but rather tapping into a lifeline where I have those.

Still working on all this. Pivoting from this life to a completely different one doesn't seem like something that comes in a giant leap. But I think I'm getting there.

[mat422]

@Shannon I have a question with regards to my own growth from these subliminals. Admittedly I've always struggled a lot with making changes. I'm definitely seeing more forward progress on LTU. But I'm curious to know if how I'm responding to the subliminals is how it will mostly be for me in the future as well? Lately I've been being a lot more on top of my own limiting beliefs, challenging them, making sure I don't fall into that doom and gloom thinking. But it is a lot of intervention, it doesn't quite feel like there's alignment there between parts of myself. I'm wondering if this will eventually get to the point where I don't have to babysit so to speak. I know in the past with subliminals I made the very big mistake of assuming everything would be taken care of in the background. It wasn't until LTU that I realized just how much self sabotage was going on. To go one step further I now realize a rather dumb sequence of logic that kept me stuck in a loop of limited growth. Since I fully expected things to happen in the background when using these subs, I would always avoid conscious intervention. I had this thought of "well if I'm intervening this much it must be causing issues and getting in the way of me executing the script".

[Shannon]

The thing to remember is that these programs have been evolving constantly for decades. As I see that they need to do more, or something differently, or deal with a newly identified challenge, I adjust and improve them.

The end goal is indeed, "you just let it do it's thing". We are getting there, but we aren't there yet. It may not be possible to hand off everything to the subliminal/subconscious, but I am working to achieve that goal.

As these programs are developed from more and more comprehensive, complex and advanced scripts and techniques and technologies, things will change. My goal is to develop 6G, stop developing the technology (as hopefully 6G will be the upper limit of what is possible for a long time) and create all of my titles in 6G. You're seeing improved reactions and results as we approach 6G, but we aren't finished yet.

So what I believe we will see with regards to your question is that things get better and easier for you over time as we finish up development of 6G. I have recently made some changes to the skeleton script that I think you and others will really appreciate for future iterations of programs like LTU.

[mat422]

Thanks Shannon!  It's definitely been interesting seeing how these subliminals have grown over the years. Almost unbelievable at times at how fast they start working now compared to previous generations.

[mat422]

Definitely learning more and more what I'm doing wrong that's stalling progress. Fear is the biggest issue. I realized today when I feel fear I try to go inside myself and remove it. But what's really going on is I'm just ruminating in it, focusing on it,  and magnifying it. If I were to let go of fear it makes sense that doing so in the quickest way possible would mean I take direct action on the things being held back by fear. So it doesn't make any sense to meditate on the feeling of fear itself in hopes that it goes away. When I had this realization I felt a shift in my mindset, a pull towards positivity and power. However, my body responded by becoming tense almost as if trying to pull me back to status quo. When this happened in the past I fell into the trap of thinking I needed to spend more time removing the fear before I could move forward. I think with the amount of time I've used these subs it has become clearer to me that sometimes the only way to transcend the problems is to move forward regardless, even if it doesn't feel like I can or that I think I need to do some more internal work before moving forward.

[mat422]

And yet another lesson learned. Don't actively waste energy trying to fight through the fear. Sometimes it's best to acknowledge where I'm at and do what I can. I pushed myself too hard today trying to overcome obstacles as it pertains to my music. But I just ended up with a lot of stress. I did finish my track and even start a new one, but I think a part of me was really acting up and I tried to wrestle it instead of calmly observing it and continuing with my plans.

A lot of my life has been struggle and battle. I'm trying to stop holding that mentality and be open to something else nowadays.

Actually this just hit me now. A lot of this difficulty is most likely due to all or nothing thinking. Me thinking I have to 100% remove fear to move forward and then another part that thinks I have to just ignore the fear completely and stop wasting time. The solution here seems to be work as much as possible on the fear and removing it, but at the same time don't make it a requirement that fear needs to be removed completely to continue moving forward. Same goes for self esteem and confidence, they'll come with time but it's important not to wait around for them and delay my life any more.