My healing journey - E2, Cold showers, Root chakra meditation

[Asanti]

hey, what a cool avatar You have here it's as though you were becoming as wise as Gandalf on your subliminal journey

[Greenduck]

hey, what a cool avatar You have here it's as though you were becoming as wise as Gandalf on your subliminal journey

Hi there Asanti! Hah yeah it was something like that I had in mind when I chose it! How is your journey going? Are you going to buy E3 when it comes out?

[ncbeareatingman]

Green Duck...your healing journey on E2,has been remarkable and amazing Man! Are you planning on utilizing E3,when it comes forth or might you be giving it all a rest for awhile? Perhaps moving onto a different 'topic' of evolvement/healing/upliftment = another program of choice?
Once I achieve more of my financial goals,on a regular,I plan on utilizing Alpha Male 7 down the road when it comes out,if B.A.M.M. is out before that then I;ll go with that! Ultra Monetary Success is first up though for my next move ,trasitioning from USLM3 to UMS. I ,Honest to goodness, feeling like I wanna utilize some version of Ultra Success for the rest of my life on earth...I could easily see Ultra Success,kinf of programming going into a lot of different subliminals here,from weight loss to attract your beloved one 'er somethin'. any who... dont wanna hi-jack your journal..but did wanna agknowledge your growth,progress and healing....along the way...
more power to ya Man. your courage is admirable. Keith.

PS: I Just posted the heck outta this and then afterwards saw your abouve plan of E2,then E3...ect. Oh well My heart was sincere in asking:-) again more power to ya Green Duck! Keith.

[Greenduck]

Green Duck...your healing journey on E2,has been remarkable and amazing Man! Are you planning on utilizing E3,when it comes forth or might you be giving it all a rest for awhile? Perhaps moving onto a different 'topic' of evolvement/healing/upliftment = another program of choice?
Once I achieve more of my financial goals,on a regular,I plan on utilizing Alpha Male 7 down the road when it comes out,if B.A.M.M. is out before that then I;ll go with that! Ultra Monetary Success is first up though for my next move ,trasitioning from USLM3 to UMS.
more power to ya Man. your courage is admirable. Keith.

PS: I Just posted the heck outta this and then afterwards saw your abouve plan of E2,then E3...ect. Oh well My heart was sincere in asking:-) again more power to ya Green Duck! Keith.

I am happy to hear that you have enjoyed following it.

I am not really where I want to be emotionally yet, so yes I will be pursuing E3 when it comes out. I want to be more calm and able to enjoy life and the company of other people, have an easier time expressing myself, have started to pursue my interest in music, be more positive, less affected by negative people - before I switch from a sub directed towards healing. I also think that 3 months with the FRM in E3 would give me a good foundation for the sub a choose to pursue after that and help me discover who I want to be underneath all the fears that I now know, or don't know, that I have.

ASC is next as I am interested to see who I am when I have confidence and discover new sides of life and just feel good about myself as a man, more or less, develop my masculinity and independence solely. And develop as a leader, take initiative, become more stable and trustworthy, strong. confident, and unaffected.

Interesting with your plan with AM. I am intrigued by the program, personally I need to have more solid ground under my feet and have my emotional health on track before going after "the big one". I am looking forward in following your journey one day! May I ask what you are hoping on working on with AM (out of sheer interest and curiosity)?

Thanks for your words of encouragement and I wish you the very same!

[ncbeareatingman]

Hi GreenDuck, I dont mind ja asking at all..thank you for the levels of respect you express in my direction.
About A7 and being Alpha. MY father was for 40 years of his 83 yrs on this planet a raging abusive alcoholic( on the weekends) the emotional damage he did,along the way from constant verbal abuse to physical abuse,was to put it mildly devastating. I spent 35 yrs working on healing all this damage and other stuff that didnt have anything to do with him. Which,while IM grateful for the healing/clearing-healer that was heaven sent, Im pissed that I even had to spent 35 yrs of my life on earth having to do so when I could've been pursuring a helluva lot of other things.
I left home at 19,left the region at 20.
he was a complete caveman,idiot,asshole. he';s mentally brillaint,but emotional very fuked up. whew.
at 20 ,I moved 3,000 miles away( no accident) to get out of and away from all the toxic bowl-sheet going on 'in that house'...I was in my ealry 40 before I even knew that I was a natural Alpha Male.
MY Father was sooo fuking wounded and damaged emotionally that he squashed any other male in the home whom he saw as a potential threat. it was an un-believeable nightmare that I never wish on anyone. Hence the un-covering of all that stuff,so that more of who I REALLY AM could come forth,the journey continues.. what I plan to have happen is for Alpha Male 7 to allow me more and more on an on going to be in my full power on a regular,for it to allow more of who I REALLY AM to come forth and express. fearless. powerful grounded and more. I have those things now but I know I Know,there are deeper parts to go and develop.it will also help me 'refine' parts of my already natural alphaness,too!!
Intuitively I Know that A7 will help me on so many levels. without writing a full on book like war & peace:-) thats basically it.

[Asanti]

hey, what a cool avatar You have here it's as though you were becoming as wise as Gandalf on your subliminal journey

Hi there Asanti! Hah yeah it was something like that I had in mind when I chose it! How is your journey going? Are you going to buy E3 when it comes out?

it just crossed my mind that Gandalf never used subs, ha which means that your lever of wisdom should be deeper hehe I'm fine, when E3 comes out I will probably try it, come on, E3? The one and only on the whole planet earth

[Greenduck]

Hi GreenDuck, I dont mind ja asking at all..thank you for the levels of respect you express in my direction.
About A7 and being Alpha. MY father was for 40 years of his 83 yrs on this planet a raging abusive alcoholic( on the weekends) the emotional damage he did,along the way from constant verbal abuse to physical abuse,was to put it mildly devastating. I spent 35 yrs working on healing all this damage and other stuff that didnt have anything to do with him. Which,while IM grateful for the healing/clearing-healer that was heaven sent, Im pissed that I even had to spent 35 yrs of my life on earth having to do so when I could've been pursuring a helluva lot of other things.
I left home at 19,left the region at 20.
he was a complete caveman,idiot,asshole. he';s mentally brillaint,but emotional very fuked up. whew.
at 20 ,I moved 3,000 miles away( no accident) to get out of and away from all the toxic bowl-sheet going on 'in that house'...I was in my ealry 40 before I even knew that I was a natural Alpha Male.
MY Father was sooo fuking wounded and damaged emotionally that he squashed any other male in the home whom he saw as a potential threat. it was an un-believeable nightmare that I never wish on anyone. Hence the un-covering of all that stuff,so that more of who I REALLY AM could come forth,the journey continues.. what I plan to have happen is for Alpha Male 7 to allow me more and more on an on going to be in my full power on a regular,for it to allow more of who I REALLY AM to come forth and express. fearless. powerful grounded and more. I have those things now but I know I Know,there are deeper parts to go and develop.it will also help me 'refine' parts of my already natural alphaness,too!!
Intuitively I Know that A7 will help me on so many levels. without writing a full on book like war & peace:-) thats basically it.

Wow, I can't even imagine how that must have been. It's great to hear that you have discovered your confidence, even after having faced that kind of threatening upbringing. I am younger than you, almost 30, but I still get what you are saying about looking back on how your life would have been if you could have made all that suffering undone, all the opportunities you could have had. But without the suffering, I reason, you maybe wouldn't be driven to the path of healing yourself. Maybe you wouldn't be conscious until you were 40 anyway, just going through life sleepwalking. Now you have spent all those years in healing by getting to know yourself, to a deeper level than if you hadn't met that suffering. And in that way being able to relate better to other people, for one thing and maybe understanding what life really is about as mentioning something else.

I may be wrong, but I recognize a drive I have had before to become very strong and confident after being in a codependent relationship. It was like I wanted to become strong enough so I never ever would be in that kind of situation again. Something like a kid that was being beaten up and started to work out and scare of everyone else so he wouldn't be beaten up again. And for me, sure that worked some, but what I really needed wasn't to be big and scary, but I needed help and support. Being big and scary can be a good thing to be sometimes, but for the most part it's just enough with being able to say no and leave the situation (if you are not a kid and live at home with an abusing parent, where you don't have much options, which really point out how severe that violation of boundaries is). So what I am really saying here, is that becoming a strong leader is a goal that shouldn't be went for for the wrong reasons. What I needed was to be healed from my own trauma, and become strong from that, becoming an Alpha Male, which is much about how you are perceived by others and behave towards others, is something to be built on top of that healing. If you are not emotionally healthy, or feeling secure in the present, you will always try to fill that void, confident or not, when it should, and can, be filled from within, and you can give your gift of yourself to the world from a place of content and fulfilment, and let all the improvements from AM7 be of your own joy and be a leader able to be intimate, human and emphatic, while being reliable and strong at the same time. Reading the description on the product page AM maybe can take care of all of that in the same time, but sometimes I get the feeling that users running AM want more of the confident, strong part to get outside results, and rush the process before getting the needed healing that everything need to be built upon in place.

I hope I didn't read in to much of your text into my own experience and made wrongful judgements about your current place or your intentions behind your goals. If not, I hope I could make my own experiences clearly communicated. All the best!

hey, what a cool avatar You have here it's as though you were becoming as wise as Gandalf on your subliminal journey

Hi there Asanti! Hah yeah it was something like that I had in mind when I chose it! How is your journey going? Are you going to buy E3 when it comes out?

it just crossed my mind that Gandalf never used subs, ha which means that your lever of wisdom should be deeper hehe I'm fine, when E3 comes out I will probably try it, come on, E3? The one and only on the whole planet earth

Maybe Gandalf did when fighting the Balrog and therefore become Gandalf the white? Probably an effect of E3... Happy to hear that!


On another note:
I saw an interesting clip about trauma, workaholism, and just psychology in general which was great, it was like so much knowledge about human behavior I have gotten from E2 but put into words. I can really recommend it (the whole thing can be found on the homepage, youtube just have half of the lenght) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojq-U137...lYcH0WqBjE

And reflected some on what I want to achieve in terms of emotional health, and I want to find inner peace, and being fully OK with who I am and feeling I am good enough all the time. Right now I don't really feel that, so I guess I want more self esteem.

[Greenduck]

I had a night of really deep nightmares, very frightening. It feels like my subconscious is afraid of giving up fear and in turn tries to give me a hell of a lot of fear to make me stop trying to get over fear. I'm up for the challenge!

I'm continuing listening to Dr Gabor Maté. It's like the person I have been looking for, for so long. He is so educated but still so very much human. A real pleasure to listen to and with much wisdom to withdraw from.

[Greenduck]

All that uncertainty and tough feelings are coming up right now. I feel lonely, very lonely, and I don't really know how to express what I need to get out. I feel like I am all alone in life, and that I will not be able to make it by myself. That I can't support myself financially right now, and I don't really see that that situation can change, even though that I know that it will in the future on an intellectual plane, but i cant feel it. I know it's a phase, and that it will become better by going through these emotions, but I just have so much sadness in me right now. I lack of connection to others, a lack of understanding from others, a lack of support that I need, and I don't really know how to reach out. I have an idea of who I maybe can do it, but not really how. I feel that I would really, really just need a shoulder to cry on, and have someone who would care for me just for a little bit, but there is things that are in the way of me getting to that, like I have a problem with trusting others with being so vulnerable.

I am angry at my parents and feel let down that they can't offer me that support. I know that they are doing the best they can, but I still feel let down, and not listened to. I have my whole life, they are not capable of doing so, it's just the situation, but I can't help feeling as I do. It feels better writing about it and I am in some way grateful that I at last able to feel this feelings and not just the numbness, confusion and fear that have filled my days previously. That talks about some factual improvement and that I am moving towards becoming emotionally healthy and seeing that progress and putting it into words reaffirms the belief that I will some day get out of it and I will one day be able to support myself in life, be independent, have close relationships with others, maybe be happy and fulfilled with what I choose to work with, enjoy my company with other people, and find a loving spouse and have a family one day, and feel good about who I am and be able to be that person and not feeling pushed away by all the emotions that need to come out.

[Greenduck]

I noticed something yesterday, I looked at the avatar of a girl I met a while ago and I noticed that I saw her differently. Instead of seeing her face expression as smug, as someone who think they are better than others, I saw a sweet girl. I think that a deep part of me is being healed, a part that have been hurt and looked on the world in a cynical way and that I have carried for so long that I have even not been reflecting consciously on how it affected my perception of other people, and the world in general I guess. I wasn't very popular among the girls as I was younger, and I have been able to take in that now, previously I didn't even want to think about it, because those memories was just to painful. I didn't felt wanted, I felt like an outsider. I was a sensitive kid, and I didn't really know how to talk to girls back then and therefore didn't get my interest reciprocated and I think that it fostered a bitterness toward others, that have just stayed with me. Anyway, that isn't the most important thing. The important thing is to heal the part of me that have been hurt for along time, and keep that part healed. Realize that my needs are just fine, and that I can safely express them (I think that is the core issue at least).

I start to understand what Buddha talked about when saying that "We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world." I didn't even know that I could ever see the world differently than I have been doing for all these years, even if this is just a small thing that just have started to change, I know this will bear more fruit.

While reading the DMSI reviews I feel a bit of FOMO, so I'll put down some goals I want to achieve before using any attraction subliminal for my own sake

• Being able to set boundaries to other people, not being so invested in what they think, want or do.
  
• Started to work, being able to handle work and handling the stress related to work in a healthy, balanced way
  
• Have my finances in place, with a solid savings account and investing it diligently
  
• Have a good relationship with my parents
  
• Be able to enjoy my own company and not need to be around other people to feel good
  
• Enjoy pursuing my hobbies, one being playing the piano, one being to cook, one being reading books
  
• Have a solid circle of friends who I enjoy being with
  
• Feel good about myself with good self.esteem, not comparing myself to others
  
• Feel that I know my priorities and life and what I want, and not just go after what other people want in their lives
  

It's really most about working on myself and not being so much invested in getting outside company before those things are in place, because I need to have that stability in my own life before being prepared to share myself to someone else. Previously I have mostly been trying to get someone to be with to not feel lonely.

I have a plan, which is E2 until E3 comes out, E3 for 3-6 months and then ASC 6G (which hopefully are out by then) for 6-12 months. This is my original plan that I will try to stick to, as I believe that doing the ground work that those subliminals will push me to do is needed for me to reach maturity and emotional well-being in myself, and will be a good preparation for running AM, which is a plan I look towards in the long term.

[Greenduck]

A couple of years ago I tried running AM6 for 3 months. But failed miserably. I pushed and pushed, but in the wrong way. I wasn't able to absorb it, it was just stressing me, and I have really had a hard time to understand why it played out that way. But I am starting to see that I was in a really bad place, and sure that AM includes emotional healing, but it is also a program that will push your limits. And if you don't are stable in yourself, and are in a place of dissociation, suffering from PTSD from bad trips on cannabis and are facing an stress-related burn-out as I was, this is not a good idea.

As I said AM6 just did things worse for me. I got stressed out because I was so far away from the goal that the program presented to me, or made myself present to myself, and because I was pretty much delusional, the goal that I presented to myself of what an alpha male is, was just unrealistic. I wanted to be everything in the same time, but didn't had the means to achieve it, and no plan for how it should be done. So I basically just walked around thinking about how I wanted to be, but didn't take any steps toward it (because my body was so broken that I couldn't muster up the energy to make it) until everything broke down. I was recommended by people on the forum to "push trough it", and by all means this was most likely done by good heart, but they couldn't realise in what bad place I was. This pushed me to continue and deplete myself of my energy even more, and become even more discouraged. It was like putting a VW Golf in a formula 1 race and telling him that this is what he should strive for. But that can't be done if the Golf is running on fumes and with a flat tire. Not a perfect analogy but maybe you get the point.

The reason behind it was that I think that I was so stuck in fear because of the PTSD that the program tried to overcome it but I because of the circumstances stonewalled it and things just got worse. And because of the PTSD I couldn't absorb the program, let the needed emotions come up, be released and become stronger, but just got "locked down" as of a already ongoing defence mechanism.

My hope is to run AM6 in the future. Right now I have a bit of a skewed perception of the program and the way I reacted on it, but I am trying to revaluate this by reading other people stories.

[Greenduck]

I had a really good talk with my mother for around 1,5 hour. It was up and down, but it was honest, just talking about everything and in a sense clearing the air without really having to talk about our own "positions". It was some kind of trustful, and we both listened to each other. It was really a good talk. In the past we had an open way of talking about things, that I though was lost, but tonight that was back. I really enjoyed the talk and I think she did too. (if you read the journal a couple of pages back you can see how far this have changed...)

We talked about why I got depressed and burned out, and about that I always had a hard time saying no to people and standing my ground. She talked about that she thought it was weird that I was so easy-going during my teenage years and I told her about how it actually was. I have had a problem in standing my ground to other people, but the reasons behind it are still a bit unclear. I think it may have to do with a fear of being left alone and that expressing anger was something I have been afraid of doing. The reason behind is that my dad is really bad at handling conflicts, and I think that I may have supressed it because of that. It got connected to Jordan B Peterson and on how he talks about integrating your "shadow" (supressed emotions) into yourself, and I think this is what is happening right now in my healing process, I am integrating all the anger into my Self and learning on how to use it, and how valuable it is to have.

[Shannon]

A couple of years ago I tried running AM6 for 3 months. But failed miserably. I pushed and pushed, but in the wrong way. I wasn't able to absorb it, it was just stressing me, and I have really had a hard time to understand why it played out that way. But I am starting to see that I was in a really bad place, and sure that AM includes emotional healing, but it is also a program that will push your limits. And if you don't are stable in yourself, and are in a place of dissociation, suffering from PTSD from bad trips on cannabis and are facing an stress-related burn-out as I was, this is not a good idea.

here is a good reason why, in the Terms and Conditions, Section 1, it states:

Do not use these programs if you have been diagnosed with a serious mental or emotional disorder or disease unless you have direct medical permission to do so and medical supervision while doing so.

The majority of these programs are designed to cause growth, which is a stressful thing for some people. That can lead to issues with people who are in need of emotional and/or psychological healing and professional attention.

You should be mentally and emotionally healthy before trying to use a program like AM. E2+ can help, but even that should be used under appropriate supervision if you have significant mental or emotional unbalances.

As I said AM6 just did things worse for me. I got stressed out because I was so far away from the goal that the program presented to me, or made myself present to myself, and because I was pretty much delusional, the goal that I presented to myself of what an alpha male is, was just unrealistic. I wanted to be everything in the same time, but didn't had the means to achieve it, and no plan for how it should be done. So I basically just walked around thinking about how I wanted to be, but didn't take any steps toward it (because my body was so broken that I couldn't muster up the energy to make it) until everything broke down. I was recommended by people on the forum to "push trough it", and by all means this was most likely done by good heart, but they couldn't realise in what bad place I was. This pushed me to continue and deplete myself of my energy even more, and become even more discouraged. It was like putting a VW Golf in a formula 1 race and telling him that this is what he should strive for. But that can't be done if the Golf is running on fumes and with a flat tire. Not a perfect analogy but maybe you get the point.

We can't know all of what is going on with you. That's why it is your responsibility to assess what advice people give you before you implement it. And, if you're that bad off, you should be focusing on healing, first. AM6 has E1 in it, but in some cases (yours, apparently) it is necessary to heal and clear first. You can't expect a shattered window to hold in a windstorm.

The reason behind it was that I think that I was so stuck in fear because of the PTSD that the program tried to overcome it but I because of the circumstances stonewalled it and things just got worse. And because of the PTSD I couldn't absorb the program, let the needed emotions come up, be released and become stronger, but just got "locked down" as of a already ongoing defence mechanism.

Consider that AM6 is trying to push you to achieve it's goals, while trying to heal you. Most people, that's all they need. But if you're coming from a really bad place, you need to get yourself patched up first, whether that is psychological help, medical help, or something like E2. It's just like boot camp: you don't even get to boot camp unless you meet certain minimum requirements. Strength, mental health, emotional health, physical health. Only then are you fit for boot camp to begin.

My hope is to run AM6 in the future. Right now I have a bit of a skewed perception of the program and the way I reacted on it, but I am trying to revaluate this by reading other people stories.

You can't judge a program based on having run it before you could possibly have had it benefit you. In your case, you were deeply in need of healing and growth before trying to start. Stressing a mind, body and/or emotional self that is damaged and in need of healing isn't going to make it stronger. You have to be fit for the training to begin before it can be good for you.

If I were you, I would definitely run E3 and or seek professional help before trying again, and I would advise you to evaluate your self state before you try again, as well.

[Greenduck]

A couple of years ago I tried running AM6 for 3 months. But failed miserably. I pushed and pushed, but in the wrong way. I wasn't able to absorb it, it was just stressing me, and I have really had a hard time to understand why it played out that way. But I am starting to see that I was in a really bad place, and sure that AM includes emotional healing, but it is also a program that will push your limits. And if you don't are stable in yourself, and are in a place of dissociation, suffering from PTSD from bad trips on cannabis and are facing an stress-related burn-out as I was, this is not a good idea.

here is a good reason why, in the Terms and Conditions, Section 1, it states:

Do not use these programs if you have been diagnosed with a serious mental or emotional disorder or disease unless you have direct medical permission to do so and medical supervision while doing so.

The majority of these programs are designed to cause growth, which is a stressful thing for some people. That can lead to issues with people who are in need of emotional and/or psychological healing and professional attention.

You should be mentally and emotionally healthy before trying to use a program like AM. E2+ can help, but even that should be used under appropriate supervision if you have significant mental or emotional unbalances.

As I said AM6 just did things worse for me. I got stressed out because I was so far away from the goal that the program presented to me, or made myself present to myself, and because I was pretty much delusional, the goal that I presented to myself of what an alpha male is, was just unrealistic. I wanted to be everything in the same time, but didn't had the means to achieve it, and no plan for how it should be done. So I basically just walked around thinking about how I wanted to be, but didn't take any steps toward it (because my body was so broken that I couldn't muster up the energy to make it) until everything broke down. I was recommended by people on the forum to "push trough it", and by all means this was most likely done by good heart, but they couldn't realise in what bad place I was. This pushed me to continue and deplete myself of my energy even more, and become even more discouraged. It was like putting a VW Golf in a formula 1 race and telling him that this is what he should strive for. But that can't be done if the Golf is running on fumes and with a flat tire. Not a perfect analogy but maybe you get the point.

We can't know all of what is going on with you. That's why it is your responsibility to assess what advice people give you before you implement it. And, if you're that bad off, you should be focusing on healing, first. AM6 has E1 in it, but in some cases (yours, apparently) it is necessary to heal and clear first. You can't expect a shattered window to hold in a windstorm.

The reason behind it was that I think that I was so stuck in fear because of the PTSD that the program tried to overcome it but I because of the circumstances stonewalled it and things just got worse. And because of the PTSD I couldn't absorb the program, let the needed emotions come up, be released and become stronger, but just got "locked down" as of a already ongoing defence mechanism.

Consider that AM6 is trying to push you to achieve it's goals, while trying to heal you. Most people, that's all they need. But if you're coming from a really bad place, you need to get yourself patched up first, whether that is psychological help, medical help, or something like E2. It's just like boot camp: you don't even get to boot camp unless you meet certain minimum requirements. Strength, mental health, emotional health, physical health. Only then are you fit for boot camp to begin.

My hope is to run AM6 in the future. Right now I have a bit of a skewed perception of the program and the way I reacted on it, but I am trying to revaluate this by reading other people stories.

You can't judge a program based on having run it before you could possibly have had it benefit you. In your case, you were deeply in need of healing and growth before trying to start. Stressing a mind, body and/or emotional self that is damaged and in need of healing isn't going to make it stronger. You have to be fit for the training to begin before it can be good for you.

If I were you, I would definitely run E3 and or seek professional help before trying again, and I would advise you to evaluate your self state before you try again, as well.

Thank you, that was exactly the answer that I needed to hear.