(10-01-2018, 07:24 PM)mat422 Wrote: I have to let go of all this BS once and for all. I don't know why, but it feels like if I do I'll become some sociopathic narcissist? One of my irrational fears I've had. I think it stems from my identity centered around pleasing others. Like I've always looked to others for the final approval of who I am.
But I need to stop putting others before myself. Even if that makes me look like some selfish jerk in their eyes. I've spent too much of my life not giving myself the attention that I need to grow and thrive.
I need to be stronger, tougher, be secure in who I am and stop letting people destabilize that sense of self. Stop walking through life as this malleable thing others can manipulate. To some degree my self identity is still based around that weak fearful person and I need to let that go and embrace a new self without feeling like I'm being inauthentic or faking it.
I just know I can't live like this anymore. The constant fear, the people who sniff out weakness and take advantage of you, the constant worry of needing to be safe and secure vs thriving and living.
I know exactly what you mean. Recently i had a realization about this too, how much of my life is spent looking for external validation and being manipulative with my "nice guy" mask trying to be spiritual and "helping others. I realized that in reality i am selfish as fuck (as everyone else is) and all i do is for my own benefit, even the nicest and altruistic acts. This gave me fucking FREEDOM, i am more authentic then ever and guess what happened? Nothing. It was all an illusion.
[Edited as per rule 4]
This guy speak the Truth, if you follow what he says, you will gain a freedom that you never thought were possible.
You are NOT a sociopath and the very fact that you are worried about it, proves it. Everybody is extremely selfish on the inside unless you grow yourself spiritually to the highest levels. BUT this is not an excuse to be an asshole, do good IF you want to, not because you expect something in return, even if its a self-image of a "good person".